Role Playing

[caressa]

"Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book" - Book

When you continually don't like the way people treat you, it is usually because you are cooperating with the treatments.

This certainly gave me pause for thought. If you keep fanning the flame and you don't douse out the embers, they will flare up again.

Respect has to be earned. We are really not qualified to judge unless we have walked in somone else's shoes. Different people react to different words. Some take them personally. Some are able to allow them to run off their back and mean nothing, while others, seem to hang onto them and have trouble letting them go.

Recovery gives me freedom of choice. I can continue to be to victim, the martyre, the scapegoat or even the abuser. It is a well known fact that the abused often becomes the abuser.

It is not easy to slip out of those old roles. The are roles we played so long that they feel comfortable and normal. It is normal to try to control the situation. It is normal to try to not rock the boat incase we confrontation and fears move in. It is hard to believe and have faith that our Higher Power can help us in these situations and that we don't have to relive the horrors of our past.

Played all the roles. Don't want to play the games any more. I just want to be me. The good, the bad, the ugly and all those other parts that make up me, that my God and I work on daily.

[justjo]

Recently had to confront a friend on her actions. I told her that she was being abusive. She didn't see it that way, and I had to explain why I felt the way I did.

Another time, I called her on her treatment toward someone else. I said her words were not honest and that she was manipulating the person, not tell telling the person the whole truth to get her own way. I said, "I try not living that way today, and that isn't acceptable to me, especially when part of her story involved me."

In early recovery a bunch of us were walking home from a meeting. One of the guys said, "There was nothing peeved him more than having a woman come up to him and comment on his size and asked him to do something for him." I said, "I can identify with that, I use to do that, I would go up and say, "Can I use hose big muscles of yours?" and along with the words came a smile, a big teasing eye and probably a wiggle or two. We talk about men harassing women, but we can be just as guilty.

I know for years, I didn't think it was alright to be me, and felt I had to fill a role in order to be acceptable. Why is it not alright to be me? Thank God, thanks to this program, it is!

[SunnyGirl]

I think I've said this before but, I believe we teach people
how we want to be treated.

That being said, using your voice to do this is wonderful,
but if I don't back it up with action it goes no where fast.
Behavior is based on acceptance and rejection. No matter
what I say, if I continue accepting bad behavior, I am basically
showing that person that they don't need to respect me or
my boundaries.

If I want respect, I have to give it as well.... I try to remember,
"what other people think of me is none of my business"... on
the other hand if I act like a jerk, I suppose I deserve to be
treated that way. I am not a victim nor do I volunteer to be
treated unkindly......

Today I know I am a good person and I try to treat everyone
the way I want to be treated. When I was a doormat, it was
only natural for some to wipe their shoes on me... when I did
away with the "welcome" sign, no one ever does this to me.

Peace on the journey, SG