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Post by justjo on Nov 16, 2011 2:41:12 GMT -5
How do you set them? How do you keep them? How do you know where to put them? How do you know when to move them? How do you know when they need to be changed, or do they? Attachments:
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Post by caressa on Nov 17, 2011 16:09:15 GMT -5
Was hoping someone else would start this. This is not one of my strong points and for the most part, I fail miserably.
I was told when you set a boundary, you should not just put up a big block, but that you should have circles around you of various degrees. Close up for close friends and relations, an outer circle that is a little more strict and has more rules and regulations, and an outside circle that is regulated and says "Out of my face you are in my space."
What will I accept from my family and friends, what will I not? Laying down the principles of the program and my true values in life so that I will not only abused or bruised by other's actions and/or opinions. This is what is acceptable to me, this is what is not. Unacceptable behavior doesn't mean I don't like the person, it just means I don't like the action or words.
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Post by justjo on Nov 17, 2011 19:38:45 GMT -5
It is important for me to look at things to see what is acceptable and what is not. For example, no one can smoke in my house. I don't want to hear a whole lot of cussing. I don't want anyone coming to my door who has been drinking or is stoned from any drug.
Abusive, be it mental, emotional or physical is just not acceptable. If you can respect me or my place, then you best go elsewhere.
I don't like dishonest, lying, and condescention. With certain people, i have to accept it in their home, but not in mine, especially if it is family. I just have to consider the source and look at where they come from.
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Post by caressa on Nov 19, 2011 14:29:31 GMT -5
To keep them in place is difficult. My son tended to step over them, stomp on them, and totally disregard them. I would just have to reinforce them by making him aware, and remind him what they are. A lot of them are just things that we deserve as a person. Respect has to be earned, so it has a certain amount of responsibility on my part to place them there. A lot of it is just walking my talk. Not saying one thing and doing something different. What you see is what you get and like this picture, I can often portray different characters, because I had to wear different hats on the job for years. Once you get to know me, you either like me or you don't. Sometimes it is difficult interrupting my sense of humour, it often gets me into trouble. Attachments:
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Post by justjo on Nov 19, 2011 15:43:57 GMT -5
I was told to make boundaries in three different places, up close and personal, a little further back, for close relations and farther back for public. They get stricter the farther out from your center.
Many times I have had the fences broken and had to reinforce them. Sometimes I have had to change them, look at how strong they were, were they too strong or weak or was I just too strong or weak and couldn't say "Yes" or "No" to keep them in place.
Sometimes they had to be adjusted, make the circles wider or draw them in to exclude some people.
It is mainly respecting me and asking for what I needed to make my space Sacred. Sacrifice means to make sacred. Sometimes we have to sacrifice some things, to get our needs me or we have to sacrifice our own ideals because I had to ask myself, "How Important Is It?" If I am too vulnerable or too controlling, then I need to look at what needs to be changed within me.
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Post by justjo on Nov 21, 2011 21:28:03 GMT -5
Where I run into a problem is when others plow thru the boundaries I set for privacy and solitude and refuse to respect the boundaries I set.
- Journey to the Heart
This is where I have a problem. For a long time, I didn't want to be alone and wanted noise or something or someone to keep me company. Then when I learned to be alone, I wanted to tell everyone, "Would you just go away for a while and let me have some peace." I surprised myself, I didn't think I would ever get to that stage in my life, unless it was because of old age.
I found myself slowly drawing within myself and isolating, and knew that I had to change it, because isolation is part of my disease, not a healthy action for my recovery. It blocks me from the Fellowship of the Spirit.
Most of it was learning to express myself, do it in a spiritual way, rather than tell people what to do, I would just ask them not to do it. I didn't have to explain myself, that was another thing, I no longer have to justify my existance or my reason for being. It is okay to be me. It is okay for me to set the boundary. It is my boundary, it isn't always open to negotiation.
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Post by caressa on Nov 23, 2011 5:05:48 GMT -5
Found it was good to move the boundaries, when I found myself getting angry or resentful. It is time to either affirm the boundary, validate it with the party concerned, and or compromise. It is your boundry, it has a right to be there, and yet the other person has a right to disregard it, and I have the right to make it taller, wider, and fortify it with some prayer and ask God what I need to do to make my space sacred. I found that sometimes there can be conditions, extenuationg circumstances and exceptions to the rule. We can agree to disagree, and allow each person their own space, respecting the fact that they are coming from different places and often have a completely different experience about the same thing. Boundaries can be take down brick by brick, there often put there because of fear, not faith. Attachments:
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Post by justjo on Nov 24, 2011 2:48:15 GMT -5
Seeing as we are due for a new topic, I will try to respond to the last question. When I am in pain, it is generally because of emotional baggage. If I am having problems letting go, processing and getting a clarity of vision, I get stuck, and quite often it is because of a boundary. It isn't about what people did to me, it was what I allowed in my life or what I didn't do, like reinforce a boundary, didn't mend one, or forgot to put one up. If I am hurting, it often means that I have allowed something into my space that is not for my Higher Good. Either I have to step back, or I need to put up a new structure and put on an addition or knock down a section of the wall. If I am feeling boxed in, abandoned, lonely, etc. then it is time to look at what I am doing wrong. Quite often I am shutting out the Sunshine of the Spirit and I can't grow or evolve into the person I want to be; or I have changed into someone I don't like. Attachments:
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Post by caressa222 on Nov 17, 2020 3:10:14 GMT -5
More boundaries. Be good to yourself and set them.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.