Attitude

[BW]

Not long ago I posted from my new meditation book by a woman of faith who writes with a great deal of humor. Tho I don't think she is one of our members much of what she writes is really SPOT ON

I'd like to share one of her latest tidbits about ATTITUDE..


Choose Joy!

When grief is intensified during the holidays, you may feel yourself dissolving into a whirlpool of helplessness. But remember: While pain is inevitable in this life, misery is OPTIONAL! You still have a CHOICE about how you respond to the pain that turns your world upside down. One woman who has spent several years struggling through crises said she went to bed for a year "to count the dots on the celing and wish my mind had an off switch so that I could stop feeling so crazy all the time." Then, she said, she came to a crucial understanding:

...Call me a slow learner if you will, but after years of counseling and a better understanding of God's grace in my life I am finally beginning to understand what it means to take care of myself in the midst of life's cesspools. I am quicker to set realistic boundaries for myself, and I'm doing a better job of letting go of those people and situations I can't control. I never cease to be amazed at the peace and joy that floodsmy life these days as a result of changing what I CAN change - MY ATTITUDE! My motto is: I don't take credit for my children's successes; neither do I take responsibility for their failures.

She added a few otehr lines then gave these 4 helpful tips for the holidays

1. be realistic. accept the fact that you are depressed

2. Tell yourself this is not a permanent thing. It too will pass. it will not STAY forever.

3. Remember that anything that is going to pass can be endured for a little while.

4. Set a deadline for your depression to end and tell yourself that you will put a limit on it at that certain time. Then you will discard it.


WOW!!! Did I say she was SPOT ON???
Not only is it timely in regards to the holidays but she mentions acceptance, boundaries, choices and if I am not mistaken I heard one of our slogans in there.... "This too shall pass"

The other thing I find interesting is the mention of "being a slow learner" of which I can relate. I had to hear things or be shown things many times before it sunk in, especially in recovery. I say especially because I think by the time I hit the doors of recovery I had fried a great many brain cells.

And that brings me to another thought...I often wondered why it was that in every meeting we heard the same readings over and over again...HOW IT WORKS...THE TRADITIONS...over and over and why it is that we are continually told to keep reading the Big Book...not once...not twice but continually read and study

I'm here to tell you I finally found the answer to that delimma and yes my sponsor was right...She told me all the answers could be found in one of two places..either inside of me or in the Big Book

here is the answer...In the 4th edition on page 499

"Over the next few months my life slowly began to change as I worked on Step One of our recovery program. I listened to speakers and began a Big Book study with an older member. in Mic-Mac folklore there are little people we call Bugalademujs. They live in the mountains, but they often sneak into our homes to play tricks on us, usually at night so we won't see them. When I noticed that Chapter 4 of the Big Book, "We Agnostics", had appeared to change, I told AA members that the Bugalademujs were fooling around with my Big Book. You know what - they are still at it today."

LOL....the more I read and study the deeper my understanding and the more the fog clears. The more the fog clears the more I grow. The more I grow the more I understand and want to learn more. The more willing I am to learn and grow the more layers within me are cleared away.

How awesome is that!!!!!

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing, sounds about right for me. I never game my depression a time limit, because it generally happens in the winter time. I do tell it though to go away because i don't have time for it in today.

The Cymbalta is the only medication that I have allowed them to put me on, because I was going back into old thinking and being sick and tired of being tired and sick. That is how I felt when I came into recovery. They have tried me on at least 5 anti-depressants and I was not willing to put up with the side affects, so learned to deal with the pain. I love not having the pain but I don't like the pain and inconvenience of the side affects (itch, dry mouth, ringing in ears, swollen feet, sweats, etc.) I haven't gone to bed with my pain since I came into recovery. I have gone to bed to get sleep when I haven't had any, but have always asked myself what my motive and intent was for going there. Sometimes it is because I am cold and my pain is affected by the cold. The Cymbalta helps the Fibromyalgia as well as the Neuropathy in my feet caused by Diabetes. I had good news from the eye surgeon on Wednesday. She says there is no appearance of Diabetes in my eyes. Just typing it made me realized that there had been some fear there, that this time wouldn't be the same as the last or it would be worse because of the floaters in my eyes. She says they are harmless but they can't be treated.

As my chiropractor says, "He has never met anyone who is so aware of their body." He saw the difference as I progressed in the program, especially after 7 years sober. He told me, "A healthy mind makes for a healthy body." I don't know how healthy my mind is, but the fact that I play against Life Masters and can place in the top three once in a while is good enough for me. At least, that is what I told myself two weeks ago when we came last.

The worst thing I could do for my pain is to become a couch potato. If I can't go out, I go downstairs to the mall or walk in the hall for exercise when I need it. My new years resolution after my eye operation is to get back to doing my stretches. I am hoping it will give me more energy, I have to find it someplace.

My sponsor told me that I had all the answer within too. I told her, "Yes but I don't always know what the questions are!"

[justjo]

Attitude is everything. It is the kind of attitude I take that determines what my day is going to be.

I had major attitude issues prior to recovery. I do admit that they can creep into today, the only thing difference in today, is that I am better equipped to handle one.

I remember my favorite outfit at about 2-3 years sober, was a pair of stetch blue jeans, a black t-shirt in summer and a turtle neck in winter, with a dark beige corduroy jacket and black ankle boots. Big on the earrings, especially a dangly pair that were wooden circles, all topped of with a black hat.

At 7 years sober, the only difference was the fact that I was a blonde, had curly shoulder length hair, had lost weight, and thought I was the cat's meow. I decided to let the ouside reflect what I felt in the inside. My gray hair was premature, but it looked streaked and it made me to my way of thinking, old and I didn't feel that way, so it was time to change. As my sponsor said, "If you have recovery show it." It has been nice the last couple of months to again here the words, you are looking better, the pain is no longer in your face.

Since I started back play bridge on Tuesday nights, we have placed in the top 4 except for the one week we came last. I am so happy that the brain cells have been rejuvinated enough to play the game. I was starting to think I was losing them because I couldn't think through the pain. Now the pain is lessened and I am playing better.

I get depressed when I can't function up to par. With the fibromyalgia, there are a lot of things I couldn't do that I use to do, like dancing that I had a hard time accepting. This new medication helps it too. I use to dance knowing I would be down for the count for at least two days, I accepted the fact. It was do you dance or do you go for the fun, knowing you will pay later.

With the neuropathy in my feet now, I don't think I could dance if I wanted to because I haven't much feeling in them and when they are swollen and all pins and needles, dancing isn't an option.

I use to get major resentments when I couldn't do something I wanted to do. It isn't worth it, I learned the hard way.

One thing that was important was "This too shall pass" also meant the good times as well as the not so good times. So if you enjoy yourself make the best of it while it is there.

As it says at the back of the Big Book on page 569, at least in my Book which is the 3rd Edition, that we all need that Spiritual experience that changes our attitude, in order to recover. My hard cover Big Book is from a friend in Al-Anon's husband who just passed away as an indirect result of his disease. I think I am going to see if my friend has a copy, I was given it several months ago and it still smells of smoke.

The Serenity Prayer for quitting smoking talks about waiting for the craving to pass, to just hold on, feelings change. As the saying goes, "Just because you have a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it.

[SunnyGirl]

I've found that honest self-appraisal often times calls for change.
Sometimes it's a change in attitude other times it's a change in
specific behavior..... I work real hard not to aggravate others, I
want instead be upbeat and positive.

On the message boards as in a meeting, "Our common welfare
should come first; personal progress for the greatest number
depends upon unity." There is no boss, we are all equals....

Arrogance is an attitude of superiority manifested in an
overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
We all need to be aware of the fact, that not every thought that
comes into our minds is worthy of sharing..... The same thought
applies when we are talking! I try always to remember this and
if I fail or come up short, I would love to have a kind reminder of
this. It's my attitude that will lead people to the rooms or have
them walking away because of me. I pray it's never the latter....

When given a choice, I want to bring joy into my life and
the lives of those around me! I pray that I will always recognize
the difference between my will and God's will for my life!

Peace on the journey, SG

[justjo]

Not sure I agree with you SG, I know I can go on and share my day with others. If no one wants to read it, that is okay with me. For me, because I can't get out to meetings, the site is my home group. Don't want to offend anyone, most times the words just come off my fingers.

If I didn't share my day and thoughts, I would have nothing to talk about and would have no reason to post and be here. For me I come here for interactions with others. If I just wanted to put words down on a page, I would do it on my sites.

We all share differently, we all have different opinions, and I don't think any one should be discounted, whether they have a way with words or if they have difficulty saying what they want to say. I love pictures, as most people can see, I try to match them to my words and thoughts. They often speak for themselves. No one is greater than or less than, how it is expressed doesn't matter, the important thing is about sharing.

I don't care if someone just posts and says hello, having a rotten day or goes through a list of everything happened that made it rotten because they need to get it out and share it. Getting it out and sharing it is a good way to let things go.

The only thing that is wrong is my attitude towards others. It is arrogance on my part to think that my way is best or the only way to do things.

I know that I can be down, come here and read, and go away feeling better for having been here. I go away with a positive attitude, and know all is right with the world. EoR picks me up and puts things into perspective for me, be it a post in today or one from the past.

[caressa]

It would be totally arrogant to think I could tell someone how to share. It is like prompting a newcomer who stubbles over a word when reading without his asking for help. Very presumptious, not sure if that is spelled right, but I got told by a long-timer that I shouldn't embarrass someone. It is nice to watch them grow in the program and be able to read without stumbling and stuttering.

My attitude isn't about the other person, it is strictly about me and whether it is positve or negative. I was told, it doesn't matter what it is, that is where the person is at the moment, and you have to let them just be. As I have shared before, I was told by my sponsor, if you are talking from the head instead of your heart, that is okay if that is where you are in today.

I know a woman who wouldn't post because she couldn't talk and put pictures on like me. I said do you know how long it took me to copy and paste and put pictures on? It took me over a year to figure it out. It isn't always a gift to have the gift of gab although when I look at some readings, and they say it all and they don't need my 2 cents added, while other times, I am inspired and they set off thought in me, and I try to share it with the hope that it will help others.

To tell some one where, how and what to post would be totally controlling and against the American Constitution I believe, and certainly against the Traditions.

We can agree to disagree. Early this week I took something personally. What I didn't do was read the whole thing and look at the whole picture.

Love the people I have met on this journey. They told me when I was out of line. There is a nice kind of feeling you get when you share and you see old-timers listening, smiling and nodding their head in affirmation. I don't know about anyone else, but it gives me the warm fuzzies. If that is ego and ego stroking, so be it.

As it says, "What needs to be changed in me and my attitude?" It isn't about the other person, it is all about me and my recovery.

[BW]

I certainly don't want to spark off a cat fight here so let me preempt this with .."This is only my expereince"...One of the things I learned from on eof our slogans "restraint of tongue is that I really do not have to say everything that comes to my mind and there have been times in the past it has proven to be unsafe to do so,,

Our book uses the word "descretion" and I have learned to use descretion with when and with whom I share things. It is a sad fact that not everyone in the rooms of recovery is trustworthy; nor do they understand the importance of keeping what they hear in meetings in the confines of their hearts or the confines of the rooms.

When I was so sick and could not get out to meetings one of the things I did was to do meetings in my home. I had a Big Book study on Mondays, a 12 X 12 on Wednesday and an open discussion on Saturdays as my health permitted. I kept it small and informal. When I was unable to do the actual meeting there was someone who would come and read and talk with me.

As it is so well said in the chapter on acceptance in our Big Book..if I focus.on the problem...the problem increases...if I focus on the solution the solution increases..This tells me that attitude is all a matter of perception.. and we go all the way back to the very core of our recovery where it is suggested we be "OPEN MINDED" ..When I open my mind I can gain a new perspective and see possibilites and I can then make that much needed change and go from fear to faith or from stuck in a rut to fluttering to new heights.

[caressa]

You are right BW, all we can do is share our own experience, strength and hope.

I know what you mean, I have been at a meeting and felt embarrassed for the person sharing and thinking, you should talk to your sponsor about this. When I talked to my sponsor, she said it isn't yours to take on, she had to say it and it is good that she had the courage to do it.

I didn't have a complete understanding until it happened to me. I found myself sharing something that I had kept from my sponsor and vowed I would go to the grave with. I asked myself, why did I say that. A young girl came up afterward and thanked me, she said, "I thought I was the only one."

I didn't question myself, I quesitoned God as to why those words came out. I always say the 3rd and 7th Step Prayers before I speak. To get the big "I" out of the way and allow God to work through me instead of around me. I do the same thing before posting on the sites. There have been occasion I didn't think of it until after the fact, but it is a general rule that there is always prayer before a meeting, before speaking and before I type on the internet.

As they say, discretion is the better part of valor. Yet my sponsor told me that I had to become vulnerable, to open myself up. Sharing isn't about me, or any other member of this group, it is about the newcomer and the visitors and carrying the message of recovery. Part of that is how to live day by day, clean and sober. Life happens, it isn't a bed of roses but it isn't a pile of $hit either. The difference in today is that I take my Higher Power with me, in the past I often left him at home and I often relegated Him to the end field, the opposite end of where I was at. I know in recovery, through Him all things are possible. If He gives me the words to say, I say them.

It is always about praying for the willingness to be willing to be open and share my esh with others that they too may have an understanding of this disease and learn to live with it and stay clean and sober. I have had what I call lapses, most of them mental, put I haven't relapsed since I found AA. There have been times when I wanted to go out, but I knew it wasn't an option. I knew it wasn't the solution. It can be a problem if I dwell on it and don't share 'it' and my feeling with somone. It doesn't have to be the whole world, as long as it is someone and that is generally our sponsor.

What you see is what you get. This is me, this is how I talk in real life as well as on the internet. It is my perception and my interruptation of what I heard at meetings. As I have said many times, I went to 2 meetings a day for two years. At least 2 weeks out of a month I went to meetings Monday and Saturday night at 10 p.m. From 2-10 years I was doing 7-10 meetings a week. Now I got to 2 - 3 meetings a month, but I am at an online meeting once a week. I am on the internet a minimum of 3, a maximum of 5 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't expect others to do that, it is just who I am and what I chose to do.

There is nothing more paranoid than an addict. Afraid to do or say anything, because everything is out to get them. I had to change that way of thinking. It was the hardest thing I did in recovery. Learn to trust that where He leads, I will follow and follow His direction. I choose not to live in fear today, I walk in faith. That doesn't mean I don't have fear. It just means I have the faith to let my God have it.

[justjo]

...the more I read and study the deeper my understanding and the more the fog clears. The more the fog clears the more I grow. The more I grow the more I understand and want to learn more. The more willing I am to learn and grow the more layers within me are cleared away.

How awesome is that!!!!!

BW I was just rereading this. How true it is, although since my eyes have been bad, I haven't read much of my Big Book. When my son went into treatment I gave him my book and I had the small booklet with just the 164 pages. A friend's husband donated his book to me and it still smells of smoke. It isn't bad, if I just want to look something up quick, but I can't sit and hold it.

I went to 4 Big Book meetings a week, at least 7 discussion meetings and the rest were 12 & 12 meetings so 28-11=17. I only went to speaker meetings when there was an anniversary because I compared instead of identify. This was in the first 2 years of my recovery.

I met a woman at our AA Conference and I was asked to join a Step 4 Study. It was put on my a woman called Millie, The Flying Nun. She had 28 years sober and she said she found what she was teaching at 21 years of sobriety. She got annoyed with me because I asked questions I wasn't suppose to know because she was doing the teaching, and I was writing and finishing her sentences. I was 7 years sober. We all grow at our own pace. There is no right or wrong way to work this program if you stay sober, it is what worked for me. Many people couldn't understand who I could work a program and go to AA, NA, and Al-Anon. During the past 20 years, I have gone to ACoA, Nar-Anon, S.O.S., and CA although I never used crack/cocaine. They say and all mind altering substance. That meant I qualified, so I felt comfortable there and joined a Woman's Group. I also went to Women for Sobriety. I had a thirst, everything was and is in today. My life is recovery. Except for my bridge, very little of my life is anything else. I also went to the Holistic Center and looked at Alternative and Herbal Medicines. Without me, I have nothing.

I think one of the reasons my friend went over to her other friend's is because my place is a recovery home. I called her on a couple of things and asked that she not do or say 'it' in my home. I went for coffee with a guy in the program, he asked me, "Is all you talk about recovery?" I told him "Yes,"and only see him to say "Hi" if I see him at a meeting or on the street or the bus.

I love this program, what I have been given is priceless. I would not be alive today if it where not for it. I have had more pain and suffering in recovery than I had when I was using, and I didn't have to pick up and abuse my medication or pink up a drink. NOT taking my medication and playing doctor with my life, is just as abusing as taking too many. The body manufactures the pain to tell you that you need more. I am not fearful of taking a narcotic if that is what is called for in the moment. There was a time when I would swollow a pill and wait for it to take effect. The whole mental process I had to change. This is a mental, emotional, spiritual and physical disease.

I get talking recovery, and get carried away. Thanks for letting me share.

[majestyjo]

Have no problems sharing. Never say anything that I wouldn't say to someone's face. I have an open mind and hopefully the person reading it does too. I share my experiene, strength and hope. I have gone an extra mile with my recovery. My disease isn't just about alcohol. It is about addiction to prescription pills (dried up alcohol - it says so in the Big Book), workaholic/busyaholic to busy doing service to look at myself, food, and at times I have to turn my computer addiction over to my God as it isn't healthy for me to be forever on this darn thing.