To our Newcomers

[SunnyGirl]

We are a small 12-step recovery site and we love newcomers....

We welcome all of you to share this journey to recovery with us!

I would like to add that some that are new to Essence of Recovery are adding web sites to their profiles....

Posting a web site here, that is totally inappropriate to our recovery is considered an "outside issues" and
unacceptable. (even in your profile)

This is a recovery site, not a dating service....

Most who come here, come looking for help and hope and that is what the majority of our member do.

This message pertains to a small minority, so please feel free to join us on this journey....

Peace on the journey, SG

[BW]

Thank You SG

[caressa]

Glad to see Chris K and sunny sign in, always good when members make it back to the site. I hope you will continue to come and share your recovery journey with us.

[majestyjo]

What topics would you like discussed?

What do you need for your recovery?

Do you have any questions you would like answered?

If you don't know how or don't wish to post, send me a private message.AC

You are the most important people at this site.

To the new members here, please feel free to post anywhere and ask as many questions as you like. There is no such think as a stupid question. If you need direction in any way please ask. Click on my name or that of another member you identify with and send a private message if you need instructions to post.


We are here for you. You are the reason we are here and keep coming back.

We share because we care, please keep coming so you don't have to come back.

[majestyjo]

We do this one day at a time. Asking for help is the 1st Step. Feel free to private message me.

I was living at the YWCA and talked to my social worker there and through her counselling got into a treatment center. I detox by myself in my room at the Y, I didn't know that there was such a thing as a detox center and that I didn't have to do it alone. It was those five days of hell that I remember when I think of picking up. I never wanted to go through them again. When I got into treatment, I found 12 Step programs and have been going to them since then. That was in August 1991 and I haven't found it necessary to pick up since. I had tried my way for eight years before that, I could stop, but couldn't stay stopped.

Just keep coming, reading the posts here. There is a lot of good material posted here. If you feel like sharing, press reply and share your thoughts and questions to that post. If you don't find anything to answer your questions, click on NEW THREAD and a new window will open up and you can share your thoughts there. Each has a separate section, but it doesn't matter where it is, it is more important that you share what is important for your recovery.

I am an addict, an alcoholic, an adult child of an alcoholic, and my drug of choice was always 'more' and it doesn't matter where I post I qualify. I have an eating disorder, my son is a self-admitted addict, and I have been known to get carried away with Nevada Tickets.

For many years, I blamed my husband and my father for my drinking. My husband I kicked out and my father passed away as a result of his diesease, and I was alone and I was still drinking and taking prescription medication (dried up alcohol). When I hit my bottom, I was alone. No one was around for me to blame and I had to look at myself. I use to say, "If you ccan't beat 'em join 'em." It got so bad I had to be drunk to be around my husband. I couldn't accept life, and drinking was my coping tool. It stopped working for me and what had been my friend became my enemy. My disease increased, I kept having to have more and my pill addiction increased. I finally got to a stage where I was sick and tired of being tired and sick. I surrendered and reach out and asked for help. I was 49. Hopefully you won't have to continue drinking as long as I did. For me to drink is to die, I chose to live.

Continued...

[majestyjo]

One of the reasons I got involved in service was to give back what was given to me. They said "If I didn't give my recovery away, I wouldn't keep it." This is a selfish program and your recovery comes first. I think it is about balance. It is important to have a life outside of the rooms. That is one of the reasons for recovery, to get a life and start living it and being a part of the word around us.

You can not help those who are willing to work a program. I have let go of several sponsee by saying, "If you aren't willing to work an AA program, I can't be an AA sponsor." I couldn't do it for them, all I could do was carry the message, and what they did with it was none of my business. In Al-Anon, they call it detachment. We don't give advice, tell them what to do, just share our experience, strength and hope.

A lot of the whiners made me grateful that wasn't were I was at. If you aren't enjoying recovery, what are you doing wrong? Have you done the Steps? Do you have a sponsor?

I found that my way wasn't always the right way for someone else, it was about what was good for me and my recovery. I took a little from one, none from another, and a lot from others. I was very involved for the first ten years of my life and then due to health issues, I couldn't go out there and do and the internet has been a way for me to do service in today.

I always say my drug of choice was alcohol, men, pills, men, work, men, food, men, computers, men....

I had to learn to identify, not compare. It isn't about other people, it is about me and what I need to recovery from my dis-ease, which is four-fold, mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical.

Step Two says doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. It says I can be restore me to insanity. Didn't think I was insane. But looking outside of myself to make me feel better, doesn't not make a lot of sense.. My drug of choice was more! This is an inward journey, I travelled the other one for too many years.

It is the God of your understanding. Not how you were told to believe, not what you thought you believed, but going on a personal journey to find your God and build a relationship that is yours, and install a direct line, and leave the line open. My God is always there, it is up to me to acknowledge Him/Her. It doesn't matter what you call your God, as long as you recognize His/Her voice when your prayer is answered. I was told we have a masculine and feminine side and we were made in God's Image. Who heard tell of a man asking for direction. Most men aren't comfortable with showing their emotions and being intimate, I feel it is the feminine side that gives us the love and understanding. The strength, courage, and support comes from the masculine. Whether it is Good Orderly Direction or Divine Orderly Good, Jesus, Buddha, Higher Self, Inner Self, Creator, Supreme Being, The Source, to my way of thinking, my God is ONE! One size fits all.

Don't run away when you hear God mentioned. Just remember that God can't be you. You can't be God to someone or something else, you don't have the power. If you think you are in control, it is an illusion. If it has to be controlled, it is already out of control.

Hope you will continue to come and share with us each day.



This may already posted here. I posted it on another site, and there is a good possibility, that I snagged it from here.

[majestyjo]

ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF RECOVERY!



Welcome to all those who are new to the site and new to recovery.

I was told to take each day as a new day, and instead of thinking Christmas day or any other holiday or special event as just another day, think of it as a new beginning and a new day in recovery. Take out the fear and replace it with faith in the program, it works when you work it.

Hope you will continue to come and share your journey with us.

You are the reason for my season and why I keep coming back. Without you there is no me, so I keep coming so I don't have to come back.

Thank you for sharing in my recovery. Without you there is no me.

[majestyjo]

Asking for Support: Getting the Help You Need
by Dale & Juanita Ryan

The God of the Bible is a God who saves and heals. The Bible is clear about this: "He will deliver the needy who cry out, he will rescue them from oppression and violence." (Psalm 72: 12 &14) When we see our need, acknowledge our inability to save ourselves, and cry out, God delivers us. God rescues us from oppression and violence. Whether it is the oppression and violence of our compulsions and addictions or the oppression and violence of abuse and neglect, God delivers us and heals us. God is powerful enough and loving enough to deliver us from all of the oppression and violence we face.

This is the good news proclaimed in Scripture. And it is the basis for our hope on the recovery journey. We cannot save ourselves. Or heal ourselves. But God can. And God will.

Sound simple? It turns out to be anything but simple. There are several reasons for this. First, we find it hard to believe that God is powerful enough to help us. Or that God loves us enough to help us. And, secondly, we experience terrible shame about our need. We don't want to bother God, or his people, with our neediness. And, thirdly, we find it difficult to believe there is help available. We have had to 'go it alone' for so long that having help may seem 'too good to be true.' As a result of our fears and shame and isolation, we often find it extremely difficult to do seemingly simple tasks like asking for help.

The purpose of this article is to review five basic truths about asking for help:

1) it is okay to need help and to ask for it,
2) help is available,
3) there are many sources of help,
4) we resist getting help and

5) in spite of this resistance, it is more than worth the effort to persevere in getting help.
It's okay to need help and to ask for help

Most of us have received a life-time of messages which suggest that it is not okay to need help or to ask for help. On a cultural level, we live in a society that values individualism and self containment and which shames interdependence and need. On a more personal level, if basic emotional or psychological needs were not met in childhood, we may have learned that having such needs is a bad or shameful thing. This combination of cultural messages and family messages can leave us believing that we must be strong, independent and self-reliant in order to gain love and approval. When we believe this, we have a powerful motivation to hide our weakness and need - often even from ourselves. As a result, finding the courage to expose our need and to ask for help can be a difficult process.

God has a very different perspective about what it means for us to have needs. Doing great things for God is not the heart of the spiritual life. It is not leaping tall buildings in a single bound, not flying faster than a speeding bullet that attracts God's blessing. It is, rather, coming to the end our own resources - it is recognizing our need and asking for help - that is the beginning and foundation of the Christian life. The biblical text is clear about the spiritual meaning of our weakness. God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. This is no mere Hallmark one-liner. It is one of the foundations for all spiritual growth. If we insist on navigating our spiritual life within the relative safety of our gifts and strengths, we will stay in the shallows. It is only when we launch out into waters far deeper and more treacherous than our own resources can handle that we will encounter God's strength and provision. It is when we lean into our weakness rather than running from it, that we experience things unimaginable in the safety of our comfort zones.

Jesus put it simply and unmistakably. "If you are well," he said, "you don't need a Physician." Jesus was saying that until we acknowledge our need and ask for help, God cannot help us. Rather than saying it's okay to need help and to ask for it, it would be more accurate to say that it is essential that we acknowledge our need and ask for help. It is essential because until we do so we shut God out. It is essential to acknowledge our need for help because that is what's real. It is what is honest. Anything short of this is self deceit and pretense - from which no healing can come. Any attempts to save ourselves or heal ourselves by ourselves are attempts at playing God. What is true is that we need help. We need God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. To acknowledge this is simply to tell the truth. And when we acknowledge the truth, we open the way for God to respond.
Contrary to all of our instincts, then, the neediness which can be so terrifying to us is, in reality, the opportunity which makes it possible for the Physician of Wounded Souls to begin the healing process.
There is help available


As we struggle to acknowledge our need for help, it becomes very important that we have hope. We need to have hope that the help we need is available. Without this hope, we will not have the strength or courage to get help.

The good news is that the resources we need for recovery are not just available, they are abundant. We don't mean that there is an abundance of support groups or treatment programs - sometimes these resources can be scarce. But these are tools - important tools, but not the fundamental ingredients of recovery. Fundamentally, help is available and abundant because God's grace and love are abundant. There is no shortage, no scarcity, of grace and love. All of God's grace is available to us. All of God's love is offered freely to us.

No matter what our struggles are, God is prepared, ready, wanting to help. And if God is for us, who of any particular consequence can be against us? This is the fundamental reason for optimism about recovery. God is not indifferent. God is not impotent. Rather, God is continually, compassionately reaching out to us. And God is powerfully able to save and heal us.
Of course, it is not always easy to hang on to this hope. It is not always easy to remember who God is. Fortunately we do not need enormous amounts of hope to make progress in recovery. According to Jesus, only a speck (a 'mustard seed') of hope will do. And, also fortunately, there are some practical things we can do to nurture the hope which is growing within us.

The psalmists often nurtured hope by recounting the ways in which God had met their needs in the past. Or by recounting the ways God had met the needs of others. This discipline of remembering nurtures hope because it reminds us who God is. It reminds us that God is powerful and loving; that God is active in our lives- saving, healing, restoring, comforting.

There are many ways we might put the discipline of remembering into practice. We remember who God is every time we take the bread and wine of communion. We remember who God is when we read the stories of Jesus's healing ministry. We remember who God is when we attend twelve step meetings or support groups and listen to the stories of others' healing and recovery. And we remember who God is when we recount past experiences of God's help and healing in our lives.
There are many sources of help


It has been our experience that there is no one-size-fits-all recovery plan. God is a God who seems to delight in diversity. God made us as unique individuals and responds to our specific needs with respect for this uniqueness. God is not limited to counselors, or to pastors, or to twelve step groups to get us the help we need. God often chooses to use counselors or pastors or twelve step groups, but whoever God chooses to use in our lives, it is always God who is bringing the healing. It is God's Spirit who is our Counselor (John 16: 6); it is God's Spirit who "helps us in our weakness" (Romans 8:26); it is God's Spirit who "strengthens us in our inner beings so that we can grasp how wide and long and high and deep the love of Christ is" (Ephesians 3:16-19).

God uses many different means to respond to our need for help. God uses friendships, churches, support groups, counselors, treatment programs and other resources. Often, God puts together a network of support - a kind of search and rescue team to provide the help we need. Whatever resources God uses to deliver us and heal us, our part is to continue to acknowledge our need for help and to persevere in seeking help wherever it is available to us.

Often, God uses friendships to bring healing. Friendships can provide many gifts that other resources may not be able to provide. First of all, friendships are mutual. We listen to and care about and support our friends. Our friends listen to and care about and support us. Secondly, friendships can be spontaneous. We don't have to limit our interactions to prearranged times and places. We can call each other and be with each other as the need arises. And finally, friendships provide intimacy on many levels. We can socialize together, play together, talk together and pray together. The richest friendships are often intentional, committed friendships; that is, friendships that are not only spontaneous, but which are also planned and scheduled on the calendar. Friendships have limits and they are not always helpful - but often God uses them to bless us with love and grace.

God also often uses churches as places of help and healing in our lives. Church can offer us a place of worship, a place of community, a place to focus on God's Word, a place of spiritual counsel, and a place for prayer support. In worship and in communion we are reminded of who God is, of his love and his active commitment to us in our brokenness. In community we are reminded that we are not alone. By focusing on God's Word and receiving spiritual counsel we see God's grace more clearly. With the support of a community of prayer, God's healing presence can be experienced in powerful ways. Churches have limits and they are not always helpful, but often God uses them to bless us with love and grace.

Another resource God uses is support groups. Support groups, whether they are twelve step groups or groups focused on a specific struggle (such as recovery from sexual abuse), provide a place where we can focus in a very clear way on our needs and issues. They provide a place of accountability and a place of special grace and understanding. People who are facing the same struggles we are facing can break the isolation that comes with our addiction or our pain. Support groups offer a place to celebrate growth in recovery. And they are a place of commitment; a place where we commit to meet with others to do the work of telling the truth and asking for support. Support groups have limits and they are not always helpful - but often God uses them to bless us with love and grace.

Sometimes God uses counselors for a season in our lives. Counseling offers us an opportunity to focus in a very specific way on our needs and struggles in life, with the help of someone who is professionally trained and experienced in the complexities of human development, family dynamics, addictions, trauma and the interplay of psychology and physiology. Counseling provides an opportunity for gaining self understanding, being accountable, taking in feed back, learning new skills, receiving nurturing and care, and doing the hard work of changing with the support of someone who has come to know us intimately. Counselors have limits and they are not always helpful - but often God uses them to bless us with love and grace.

Another resource God may use is a treatment center. Treatment programs provide a time out to work intensively and with lots of support on issues such as addictions, co-dependency, eating disorders, depression and abuse. Such programs offer a rich mixture of resources that typically include medical care, support groups and counseling. Treatment programs have limits and they are not always helpful - but often God uses them to bless us with love and grace.
We resist getting help


In spite of the abundance of God's love and grace and the many ways in which love and grace are available to us, we do not easily reach out for the help we need. Even when we have acknowledged our need for help, we may find ourselves hesitating, finding excuses, resisting. Resistance to getting help is often the result of a mixture of fear and despair and shame.
Fear

It can be frightening to get help. In the process we feel vulnerable and exposed. Jim's Dad had made cutting remarks about him all his life. Jim was so accustomed to hearing that he was lazy and stupid and irresponsible that every time he shared in his support group, he expected to hear these same hurtful comments in response. Even though people didn't respond this way, Jim imagined that everyone must be privately thinking these things about him. As a result, he would sometimes begin to share only to freeze with fear and find himself unable to talk.

Our own experience has been that many different kinds of fears surface when we start to reach out for help. We may fear that if we are known we will be rejected or judged. Or we may be afraid that our vulnerability will open us to the possibility of being hurt or even abused. Or we may be afraid that change will mean breaking long-established family rules such as "don't talk," or "don't feel" and this could have unpredictable consequences. We may fear change of any kind - the misery we know may seem preferable to the uncertainties of change.
Despair

We may also resist help because of despair. Like fear, despair can take many forms. We may despair because we think of ourselves as beyond help. Or we may despair because we think of ourselves as undeserving of help. Or we may despair because we have difficulty imagining that help could actually be effective. One person we know put it this way "Just thinking about getting help increases my despair - imagine how depressed I will be after I've invested several years in recovery and there still is no hope for me!"
Where did we learn that our problems are unsolvable? Despair is often a sign that we have looked for help in the past and found none. We may resist help today because we have tried getting help in the past, only to be disappointed. Joe was sexually abused by a coach when he was ten years old. He told his parents. But they didn't believe him. Joe learned from this experience that it doesn't help to ask for help. Trying to get help and being hurt in the process can lead to despair.
Shame

We also may resist reaching out for help because we are full of shame. Shame is usually the result of experiencing rejection, judgement, ridicule or abuse from others because of our limitations, our weaknesses, our failures, our vulnerability. These things are unavoidable parts of being human. But we have come to see them as something terrible about us; something we need to hide and deny.
Sometimes we experience shame in very general ways: "What if people knew?!" But often it is specific people who we imagine in times like this. What if Betty knew? What if my parents knew? What if the pastor knew? Whatever the focus, this is the experience of shame. We fear what people will think of us, and what we will think of ourselves, if we are exposed as the broken, struggling, frustrated mortals we really are.
John put it this way "When I first went to the AlAnon group at church I experienced incredible shame. I had to walk past the choir room to get to the room where the AlAnon group met and I had this terrible sense that everyone in the choir knew exactly where I was going and why. I felt completely exposed - like everyone now knew all of my worst secrets."
Is this an unreasonable fear? Unfortunately, no. Some people will shame us for getting help. It is a common dynamic in dysfunctional families and other dysfunctional systems that the first person to get help is often responded to like this: "Oh, I knew all along that something was wrong here. I guess I was right. There was a problem in the family - and it was you!" In situations like this it can feel like you are swimming upstream against generations and generations of shame.
Its worth it to get help


In spite of our struggles with fear and despair and shame, it is worth it to get help.

First of all, it is worth it to reach out for help because if we don't get help with our compulsions, addictions and unresolved wounds, not only will our problems not get resolved, they will get worse. Time heals few wounds. It is much more likely that the passage of time will increase the probability that a wound will become infected. And the destruction to ourselves and to our relationships that results can mean years, potentially a life-time, of tragedy. Without help, the denial, the blame, the addictions, the hurt, the fear, the shame, the despair will poison our relationships, and end up being passed on to another generation.

The second reason why it is worth all the struggle and risk to get help is that, when we do get help, we begin to change. We begin a process of transformation. In the process we give up our addictions and compulsions. Old wounds heal. We learn that we are forgiven. We learn that we are loved. We grow in humility, courage and hope. We learn greater honesty and vulnerability. Our compassion deepens. We become freer to be the person God made us to be.

It is, in short, worth it to cry out for help because the recovery process eventually leads to joy. When we cry out to God for help, we learn in a deeper way how much we need God and how much we need others. The goal of the healing process is not to get to the point where we no longer need help and support. The goal is to make dependence on God and interdependence with others a way of life. Jesus used a word picture with his disciples when he was talking to them about relationships and joy. "I am the vine, and you are the branches, abide in me and your joy will be full." His point was that we need to stay closely connected to him. We can no longer pretend to be self-sufficient. As we daily acknowledge our need for help - as we live increasingly in love and less frequently in fear, despair and shame - we discover to our amazement that we are capable of experiencing joy. We don't mean the illusive pleasures that once helped us to numb our pain. We gradually learn, rather, to experience a real, deep-down joy that is not rooted in denial but which has its roots sunk so deeply in the soil of God's love that no wind or storm can threaten its vitality. And that's a pretty good reason to get help. There will be times when the cure feels worse than the disease - but keep your eyes on the prize. God's has plans for you - plans rich in grace and love!

Was raised with very strong religious beliefs and yet I walked in fear of the wrath of God for most of my life.  The religious teachings never left me, but it never stopped me from becoming and alcoholic and addict and it didn't stop me from continuing my addiction.  I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped.  It was the spiritual aspect of the AA program that I was first introduced to, that helped me, which later brought me to NA and to Al-Anon for the complete healing.  I had to go for outside help, to complete the whole package.  I was the daughter of an alcoholic father, who died from his disease at the age of 66, a mother who was addicted to food and died from her disease at the age of 40, and a son who is still in active addiction.  The spiritual program allows me to walk free of their disease and my own.  If it wasn't for my God in today, I wouldn't be here.  I out lived both my parents.

[monty]

The first step is the hardest, but you lucky YOU you've come to the right place. A lot of these people are rooting for you and your speedy recovery from any difficulty you are having right now. I'm no expert, but I know everyone can help. So if you are reading this whoever you are, don't be shy. Come and join in the conversation cause you are a part of it like we all are.

[majestyjo]

Thank you for sharing Monty, we can do what I can't do alone!

Welcome to the site!

[monty]

I agree. Sometimes it's not enough to have the drive (of oneself) to do or quit something that we seek help from others, especially those people who are close to us. They give us the will to continue on and push through.

[majestyjo]

---

Welcome to our site.  There are many tools to sobriety and we invite you to peruse the board to find material that will help you on your journey to recovery.

Some helpful suggestions - basic tools - to help you stay sober:

90 in 90. People who "keep coming back" have a much better chance of recovering. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days; try out lots of different meetings and fellowships.

"A drug is only an arm's-length away." Slipping is really easy: a moment's inattention; wrong time, wrong place.

"A slip is the end of a process." (Also: "On the road to a slip, the first step is to get rid of your sponsor"; "A slip occurs before you pick up.")

Abstinence. We can't get high if we don't pick up that first drug or drink. We've learned that using other drugs-- alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, poppers--can lead us back to crystal meth ("tina") or into other addictions. We believe in total abstinence: Using alcohol or drugs invariably triggers our addiction.



Acceptance. "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." We can't fix everything--certainly not our addiction; we just had to calm down and accept that. And remind ourselves with the Serenity Prayer as needed.

Act as if. Also: "Fake it till you make it." Life is totally different when we're first getting sober-full of crazy feelings and fears, excitement and gratitude. When we don't know what to do in a certain situation or state of mind, we ask for a suggestion from our sponsor or another person in the program (see Suggestions). We can't "think" our way to right actions , but we can "act" our way to right thoughts. For example: Most of us had to act as if there was a Higher Power for a long time when we first entered the program.

Action. "...The courage to change the things I can." Life is a program of action; most of us started small with things like going to meetings or making our beds.

Big Book. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is the basic text of recovery. Most of us read it from time to time, some of us are in study groups where we use it to work the steps.

Bookending. If we need to do something or go somewhere that may make us want to use-meet an ex, the office holiday party, a first date-many of us check in with a program friend before we go and after we're done.

Burning desires. If a meeting is ending and we have not been called on, but think we might use if we don't get a chance to share, we take the "burning desire" when it is announced. If we are still not called on, we grab someone right away after the meeting to talk.

Chips. When we were counting days, most of us raised our hands and shared our progress with the groups. Those plastic key chains we receive from various meetings as we reach new sober anniversaries are among our most valued possessions.

Choices. A recovery bookstore, Choices carries basic recovery literature: Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), The 12 and 12, Living Sober, Came to Believe, Just for Today, plus Step workbooks, a full library of recovery-related literature, and chips (coins), cards and gifts. 220 West 78th Street (between 2nd and 3rd ); 212-794-3858; open Tues-Fri 11-7, Sat 11-6, Sun 12-4. Barnes & Noble (all over town) also carries a lot of program literature in its Recovery section.

Coffee. Between fellowship, meetings with friends and sponsors, and just generally showing up for life on time now that we're sober, a lot of us drink more coffee than we used to. This can make us very anxious; if we have trouble sleeping, researchers suggest avoiding caffeine within five hours of bed.

Compare and despair. We try not to compare our insides to someone else's outsides.

"Easy does it." We tried not to take on too much in early sobriety.

Feelings are not facts. Just because we feel that everyone hates us doesn't mean they do.

Fellowship. The meeting after the meeting. We go for hamburgers and coffee, discuss topics and feelings brought up by the meeting, and chit chat.

"First things first." We learned to prioritize.

"Give time time." Getting sober takes time, and we addicts tend to be impatient people.

"Go to any lengths." We did some sick stuff in our pursuit of drugs; we try to work just as hard to stay sober. If we drank or used every day, we can go meetings every day.

Good Orderly Direction. One popular conception of a Higher Power: doing the next right thing.

Group Of Drunks. Another useful concept of a Higher Power (from AA): people helping each other get and stay sober.

"Half measures availed us nothing." We have to give sobriety our all or we won't succeed.



HALT. Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. An afternoon spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these four words. We check in on our physical and emotional condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at regular mealtimes. Angry? Talk about it a lot with your sponsor and others. Lonely? Go to a meeting, call someone. Tired? Take a nap, go to sleep early, schedule less. (gay version: HALT don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or fabulous.)

HOW. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness, the basic tenets behind Steps One, Two and Three. This is HOW it works: we get honest, we open our minds, and we become willing to surrender and work a program.

Just for today. We stay sober one day at a time.

Keep it simple." Also: "Keep it simple, stupid." We tried not to do anything too drastic while we were learning how to live sober, on the proven principle that anything we put in front of our sobriety would take us back out. (See No major changes.)

Keep right size. When we are feeling really lousy--or really super--we try to keep our objectivity. Our low self-esteem and grandiosity led us into addiction in the first place.

"Keep the memory green." We must never forget that we are powerless over crystal and other drugs.

Literature. CMA is still writing its own "Big Book." But many of us found Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 and 12, Came to Believe, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It and other AA, NA or CA literature valuable in helping us understand the program.

Make your bed. This is just one example of how we take care of ourselves in small ways we couldn't when we used--we deserve a nice clean bed at night.

Meditation. We found this is not as mystical as it sounds: We just sit quietly somewhere for a few minutes and listen to our breath-- in, out, in, out, in, out... Anxiety melts away, and our Higher Power comes in.

Meetings. At meetings we share our successes and struggles, learn about the steps, explore our spirituality, make friends. We have seen how "meeting makers make it."

Naps. Coming off crystal (methylenedioxymethamphetamine) we were very, very sleepy. We weren't too hard on ourselves when we needed to lie down. Everything in moderation of course: Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression. See Outside issues.

No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?

"Nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics." "Near-beer" actually contains a tiny amount of alcohol. We believe we're better off finding beverages that don't remind us of alcohol.

One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to think we'll never use again; we focus on doing whatever it takes to stay clean today. We worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Outside issues. If we are depressed, we get help--therapy, group counseling, antidepressants, economic assistance.

People, places and things. We stay away from anything we identify that reminds us of using. Dealers, party/**** buddies, friends we ran with, or others in our lives who throw off our equilibrium; bars, clubs, baths, certain streets or corners, or other places we associate with copping or using; stems, vials, lighters, thingytail glasses... There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut."

Phone numbers. Telephone numbers are our lifeline. Members who have been around for a while are happy to share their experience, strength, hope--and time. If we want to call our dealer, we call someone from the program instead. For this reason, we always carry the numbers of friends in the program. Many of us make a habit of calling someone, our sponsor or a friend, in the program daily. As for our own phone numbers, many of us changed them to avoid getting tempting calls from dealers and using friends. (See People, places and things, Go to any lengths.)

Play the tape through to the end. When a using craving starts to overwhelm us, we remember one of our last runs all the way through to the end: from the first drink to the bumps in the bathroom and crazy sex, to desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationships-whatever brought us into the rooms. After a while, by playing the tape the whole way through whenever we get a craving, we associate using less with the thrill of escape and more with the reality of our addiction and its consequences.

Prayer. Reaching out to a higher power--whether we believe in one or not--has an incredibly calming effect on us. Many of us pray in the morning, asking for help to stay sober another day, and at night, saying a simple thank-you when we make it to bed sober.

"Principles not personalities." This means a couple of things. First, people in the fellowship may sometimes let us down; but the principles of the 12 steps never will. We never let someone else who is working our nerves keep us from seeking the recovery we deserve.

"Progress, not perfection." We try not to be so hard on ourselves. Even Bill W., the founder of AA, had problems.

Shelf. As in "just put that on the shelf." We may feel we have other problems (cigarettes, debt, sexual compulsion, job problems, family issues) in addition to our addiction to crystal meth (methamphetamine), but we postpone dealing with those other problems directly for a while, until we've begun to lead a life free from crystal meth addiction. The stress of dealing with these other problems can make our recovery from addiction more difficult. Just staying sober helps most of our problems start resolving themselves; in time, when we have some recovery under our belts, we take problems off the shelf to be addressed.

Smart feet. Knowing when and where meetings are; having a usual routine; attending meetings even though we are busy, bored or don't want to be bothered, because we know its good for us. "Smart feet" is the impulse to get to a meeting whenever something happens that makes us want to use.

Spirituality. Not to be confused with religion. CMA is a spiritual program of recovery, but the spiritual path in CMA is very personal and individual. In CMA, everyone finds his own higher power and his own way of communicating with it. A lot of us find literature on this topic--from program literature to the Bible or Koran to the writings of Carl Jung or William James--helpful. (See Meditation, Prayer.)

Sponsors. A sponsor is another recovering addict, with a year or more of clean time, who helps mentor us in our recovery.

Steps. There are 12 of them, and they work. The process of self-discovery they describe unfolds organically the longer you stay sober, but it's best to really work on them--with a sponsor. Everyone works the steps in his own way, at his own pace. The only step we have to work perfectly is Step One.

"Stick with the winners." We try to hang out with people who have good attitudes and some clean and sober time in the program.

Suggestions. Most of us needed a lot of humility to come to our first CMA meeting. Admitting that we don't have the answers to our difficulties, as hard as it is, is the source of our serenity. (See Surrender.) People in CMA and other fellowships often offer us feedback. Whatever we may think of them and their "advice," however much we might not want feedback, we have to remember that they wouldn't be telling us something that didn't work for them.



Surrender. Also, "Surrender to win." This is the core of the program; it's really explored in Step Three. Surrender is not defeat, it's joining the winning side. Basically, we are willing to try some other way-ours wasn't getting us anywhere.

"Take what you can use and leave the rest." If a suggestion or concept is confusing or seems contradictory, we set it aside until we are ready. We try not to complicate our programs unnecessarily. (See Shelf.

Traditions. There are 12 of these, too. The code of conduct for the organization, they are the principles that guide CMA meetings and the group as a whole. (See Principles not personalities.)

Triggers. People, places and things that remind us of using, and anything else--a fight, depression, being hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired--that upsets our equilibrium enough to make us want to use.

We are not professionals. We are not doctors. Therefore, we seek professional help for physical or mental problems such as depression or mania; financial counseling; or job training. (See Outside issues.)



"We are only as sick as our secrets." Openness takes the toxic strength out of shame. If something is eating away at us, we share about it at meetings and with our sponsor.

Yets. These are things we have yet to do but that, knowing the way our minds work, we might encounter on our next relapse-smoking, shooting up, heroin, crack, prostitution, jail, homelessness. Addiction is a progressive disease; if we go out, it will most likely be worse next time.

[majestyjo]

These are posted in another section. They are one of those 'yet's mentioned above, it doesn't hurt to read them over once in a while in case you forget one.


90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY



1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.

2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.

3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.

4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.

5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."

6 ) Do first things first.

7 ) Don't become too tired.

8 ) Eat at regular hours.

9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).

10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.

11) Use the Serenity Prayer.

12) Change old routines and patterns.

13) Don't become too hungry.

14) Avoid loneliness.

15) Practice control of your anger.

16) Air your resentments.

17) Be willing to help whenever needed.

18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.

19) Easy does it.

20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.

21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.

22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.

23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.

24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.

25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.

26) Turn loose of old ideas.

27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.

28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.

29) Read the Big Book.

30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.

31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.

32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring

around your bottom if you don't.

33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.

34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.

35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!

36) Let go and Let God.

37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.

38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.

39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)

40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning

the results before anything even happens.

41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting

the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.

42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.

43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.

44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in

thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.

45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.

46) Cherish your recovery.

47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.

48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.

49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.

50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.

51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!

55) Make no major decisions the first year.

56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.

57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.

Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.

58) Strive for progress not perfection.

59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one

not asked.

60) Use prayer and meditation.

61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.

62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.

63) Learn to take spot check inventories.

64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor

behavior and inevitable relapse.

65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.

66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?

67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!

68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.

69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.

70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes

first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.

71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to

see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.

72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.

73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming

train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.

74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.

75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.

76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your

future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.

77) Stay out of your own way.

78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".

79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".

80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.

81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.

82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.

83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.

84) Gratitude is in the attitude.

85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!

86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!

87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.

88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.

You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.

89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.

90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.



-adapted from ideas by Bob

[majestyjo]

When you are hurting, get back to basic and become like a newcomer.  Remember that this is one day at a time program.

[majestyjo]

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You can find the last 50 post on the site by clicking on this link. You can see what you missed, while you were away from the site.

Hope you will continue to come to the site. Without you, there is no me.

Hope you keep coming, so you don't have to come back.

[majestyjo]

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Sorry I didn't get the link in the last post, trying again!

eor.proboards.com/threads/recent

eor.proboards.com/posts/recent

[majestyjo]

Hope you have your tools dusted off and put to good use. In case you have forgotten to pick them up, here is a reminder of what you will need to obtain sobriety.

[majestyjo]

Grateful to have new members join us.

Thanks for being a part of my journey.

[majestyjo]

We welcome visitors. Because you keep coming, we keep coming. As the saying goes, without you there is no me.

Keep coming back and sharing your journey with us.