Forgiveness

[BW]

Once again I'm not sure if this is the right place for this topic ...but as always it is ok to have it moved

I had my sponosr over for dinner tonight..I had had a very long phone conversation with my "little" sis ealier today.. At one time we had been very close. Somewhere along the line we seem to have lost some of that. However today it felt like we got that bond back as the conversation lingered on.

We touched on topics about her daughters and the problems we both have had with them. Things like the judmentalism and the "snits" they get into where they don't get their way and as a result they shut other family members out of their lives and the vengeful things they do when they get into these "snits" like having my car keyed when my niece left here 2 years ago [to the tune of $3000.00 worth of damage].

Then the conversation went to our other sister, mom's favored child.
We both have lingering resentments over past and current things that sister has done and continues to do.

On this journey of recovery I have done a lot of work on resentments. What I have discovered or learned or maybe even better put is that I am still learning is that some resentments are very much like the peeling away of the layers of the onion.. They need constant work to be resolved.

What is difficult for me is when the behavior continues forgiveness and acceptance is what I find most difficult to find within me.

As I stood outside tonight contemplating the things my sponosr and I discussed I had this ephiny [sp] of sorts..and I have probably heard it dozens of times but is one of those things that had to percolate within my heart and soul for me to come to my own understanding.. Why it took so long...God only knows.. maybe that is not for me to question but here it is...

Resentments..especially those long suffering ones that fester and linger regardless of how much time and effort will continue. One can surrender, One can accept. one can forgive the other person 7 times 7..and still they will linger until something else happens...What is that something else?

That was the proverbial light bulb for me tonight...it was not until I realized I had to forgive myself. Forgive myself for harboring the resentment which build the canyon separating me from the Sunlight of the Spirit and thus from my sister. Hanging on to the hidden expectation that either she would change or that she would take some responsibility for her actions and behaviors.

Wow! Am I a slow learner or what? But that is not a judgement..I am grateful that I am willing to learn regardless of the pace.

Just one more thing to add to my spiritual tool box and one more thing to add to my gratitude list of blessings

Forgiveness truly is a gift we can in fact give to ourselves..Afterall God has already given it to us...Now we ..I get to pass it on even to myself.

[SunnyGirl]

That was the proverbial light bulb for me tonight...it was not
until I realized I had to forgive myself. Forgive myself for
harboring the resentment which build the canyon separating
me from the Sunlight of the Spirit and thus from my sister.
Hanging on to the hidden expectation that either she would
change or that she would take some responsibility for her
actions and behaviors.

Thank you for sharing your ESH! It never fails to amaze me
how reading your posts always gives me some new "pearl of
wisdom" to weave into my life and recovery journey. My
relationship with my younger sis is like a roller coaster ride.
I keep trying to do the right thing and often it is so very
difficult.... I think I have finally come to peace with it!

Peace on the journey, SG

[Lin]

I can totally relate, BW! My older brother was the "favored one". He could make up things on m4e and she'd believe him every time.When she was dying with lung cancer the doctors said she had less than 3 months to live and hospice was called in. One day she was staying at my house and that jerk brother came and got her and took her to a lawyer and changed her will to leave him way, way more than the rest of us. He got the business and the very nice house and I got a 15,000 rental property and so did my sister. When I foudn out I told him it was nto fair and not the way our day had wantd it. My sister and I were supposed to split the business and that building and each get a rental house. But he got her to change her will. I had huge resentments of him for such things as that.

I really dont think I had any part to forgive myself in that...but I know it took many yesrs for me to get past how he acted. I've heard it aid when any money is involved and people die the "rats come out of the woodwork"!

LIN

[caressa]

Well it says in my Horoscope that Aires people find it difficult to forgive. I know it is true, for me more so forgiving myself than others. It is easier, since being in recovery, and learning to look at where people are coming from.

What I have the post problems with are those who paint themselves white as snow, who forget that sometimes that snow does get a bit dirty at times. Just because I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, doesn't mean I am a bad person. I did some bad things, but it isn't who I am. That is how my doctor treated me after I told him that I was in recovery. All he saw was the addict, and didn't acknowledge that thanks to recovery, I no longer use, I no longer lie, and I am a spiritual being who has God in her life in today. He questioned everything. He smelled smoke on my clothes, he said, "I thought you said you didn't smoke." I said, "I don't, I said you have workers in your parking lot doing paving."

I told him I had asthma and he said, "No you don't." I said, "I do so, I have been tested." He said, "No you don't. We were talking one day, and I mentioned that I was going to the all night sings. He didn't believe me. I had a little bit of belief, but no trust even though I gave him the name of the singers.

The fact that I could speak up for myself after being told all my life I was dumb and stupid, it a real blessing. God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. What you see is what you get. What I share on the boards is exactly what I would say to you in person. This is a one day at a time program. I don't have 20 years of sobriety. I have 20 years of being clean and sober, one day at a time. My doctor goes to church, wrote a book, yet his actions are not spiritual, even when I see his interaction with his staff. I don't always see, what I would call a Christian. He may be a Christian, but he isn't a Spiritual Christian.

My sister is another one. Has been the Sunday School Superintendant for years. Sings in the choir. Goes to Bible Study. Has Missionary meetings. Is involved in the community and on the committee for the Fair Grounds. Her and her husband go to all the sings in the area and have most of Bill Gaither's music. That is good, wish I could afford them too.

Yet this same person, when it comes to me, is condescending even though she admits if she drank, she would drink alcoholicly. She was drinking Koolers when I first came into recovery and stopped. Her actions over the years, have been less than, especially when she is gossiping with her in-laws, but that is her choice. Putting others down to make herself feel good, is not a good Christian behavior. She lives in fear and worry. She phones when she wants something or has something to tell me. She had to go into emergency by ambulance, had another heart procedure done, was in over night, her blood pressure if I remember rightly 212/90. I don't have a car and she doesn't drive, so I don't get to see her very often. I could have gone to the hospital to see her. No thought of how I would feel, if she had a heart attack and died. That is what happened with my mom, I went to see her in the hospital only to find that she died 10 minutes after I left home.

I had a discussion with a friend the other day. I said, "I would rather be a Godly Heathen than a Sinner saved by Grace, if they continue sinning and acting out and keep going to God and asking for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again. Many times, not recognizing or acknowledging that they are in the wrong. If thought is a prayer, than it can also be a negative. What you put out you get back. I know today, that when I am hurting, it is something that I did, that is coming back at me or is being projected onto me.

I can find forgiveness, when I stop to think of God's forgiveness and His Love. It is unconditional, no guidelines, and no rules and regulations, except what man and the church put on Him. It takes me a while to work through things, especially when I have been hurt and most of my life, has had a lot of pain and hurt, so I know how it feelings, when it is paid back. In today, I would rather pay forward and be forgiving.

[SunnyGirl]

The Bible says that when you come to obedience to God, God
forgives your past sins. This is a sinner saved by grace.

The Gaither Vocal Band did a song called, "Sinner Saved"

If you could see
what I once was
If you could go with me
Back to where I started from
Then, I know you would see
A miracle of Love that put me
in it's sweet embrace
and made me what I am today
just an old sinner
Saved by grace

God created man, in the beginning they were perfect,
but He also gave us "free will". I don't know one single
Christian who is "perfect", yet if they ask for forgiveness
God does forgive. When my goal is to act like a Christian,
it simply refers to what God's wishes for me are. He will
guide me on the journey, but only if I am listening.....

Matthew 26:41
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.
The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

It's not my job to judge others, my job is to grow and learn
and become the person God would be please with. I come
up short sometimes, but I begin each day with a prayer that
HE will pick me up when I stumble.

As God forgives me for my sins, I need to do the same
to those who hurt me.... How many times do I forgive?

Matthew 18:21–22
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins
against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you,
not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Forgiving myself and forgiving others, it's not always easy,
but it's worth it!

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa]

Not saying the words are there, in the Bible and elsewhere. I just don't like them going around in my head or said to me.

I was saved, many years ago. I question that you can be unsaved. You can leave the narrow road and take the broad highway until such a time, as you detour back onto the path you should be on. I never lost my faith, I knew God was there. I didn't reject God, I rejected the rules and regulations and the stigma, self-righteousness, condescention, and hypocracy. I had a problem with forgiving that. Because of those things, I wasn't too sure that God believed and had faith in me.

Like the post I made earlier, God catches up to you. I am so glad He did. I can forgive the person, but I can't always forgive the act and the non-action of people. God and I are still working on that.