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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 12, 2004 13:48:48 GMT -5
Topic for the week: "EASY DOES IT" - "BUT DO IT"
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I love this slogan!
When I first found the Nar-Anon program, I felt as
though I was on a roller-coaster. My life was out
of control and I was sick and tired, or being sick
and tired. In the online meetings, I could sense
the feelings of serenity in the old-timers, I wanted
what they had and I wanted it now. If serenity
had come in pill form, I would have rushed out to
buy it right away.
I jumped into the progam immediately, began to
set rigid boundaries, firmly detached from the "A"
and set out to install serenity in my home. I was
very determined to fix my life right then and there.
BIG MISTAKE!
My efforts to set boundaries were really nothing
that even resembled what I know about boundaries
now. I had issued ultimatums to the addict and
set-up both of us to fail. In the beginning, detatchment
meant turning my back on the "A" and walking away.
It felt so cold and uncaring. I've learned it doesn't
have to be that way, if you detach with love and
allow them the time and space to find their way,
it makes the journey so much easier.
My recovery centered around this slogan......
When I began to relax and not try to be so rigid,
my family life began to improve. Each baby step
I took was a wonder, each meeting gave me
encouragement. The more I read and learned,
I finially learned that recovery is not a race. Just
suit up and show up and begin to learn that its
one day, one step at a time. Mix this, with a lot
of patience and love and the serenity that I wanted
so badly, finially found me.
Easy does it, meant I had to learn to re-adjust my
life and change ME and my old habits, it just takes
time. The important part is, to keep at it, one day
and one step at a time.........
Peace on the journey, ~SG~
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Post by Lin on Jan 12, 2004 17:13:32 GMT -5
Easy does is is a wonderful slogan.
It reminds me to be gentle on myself. It means to take things slowly and not try to absorb everything the first week. it means to me to not be hard on myself if I slip back into some of my old ways.
Easy does it keeps me growing in my recovery and even though at some times it is 2 steps forward and one step back...I am at least taking action to make my life better. (the just DO IT part is the ACTION)
LIN
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Post by SaraLee on Jan 12, 2004 20:12:37 GMT -5
Easy Does It is a great slogan and reminder that working the program, learning the steps and slogans and how to use them takes time and lots of practice. At first, that part bothered me because I wanted instant results for my work and it didn't happen over night. I often felt like a little kid in school and that I had to go through all 12 grades (just like 12 steps) before I graduated. And then of course, I still had to work it every day!
Often I would get so discouraged because I was investing so much time into making my life manageable and it seemed like it wasn't working. I felt like there was so much to learn and so little time. Today, years after beginning the program, I see all the progress I have made. I had to go through the school and learn piece by piece, one step at a time one day at a time and in time it all fell into place.
When I hear new people come and are so discouraged because yesterday they did good and today they "lost it", I am reminded of myself and think "That's okay, that is how it goes, and over the next week or month, or sometimes a year, "losing it" will become less severe and less often." It takes courage to continue those baby steps, but worth the effort and time.
SaraLee
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Post by Caressa2 on Jan 13, 2004 5:51:18 GMT -5
Well if I had taken the time to read this I might not have snapped at the boyfriend yesterday. It is amazing how little things can tick us off. He comes from a different background and upbringing than myself, is the youngest instead of the oldest, and it is strange how much the attitudes change.
I had three people coming for supper and I wanted everything just so, and he was a big help, yet he did one thing, and although I wasn't aware in the moment, I believe I raised my voice. I later said, "What I said to you earlier, please don't take it personal, I would have said the same thing to anyone!"
It was a simple thing, and later the slogan "How important is it?" came to mind, but it also brought out how "Uneasy" I was and was acting out in my old behavior of anxiety and stressed that my dinner might not turn out, they they wouldn't like it, the old insecurities, fear of rejection, came rushing in, yet I know I am a good cook, and if they didn't like it, it was there problem. If they didn't like pineapple sweet and sour meatballs, curried mango chicken, and vegetable fried rice made from scratch, why am I worrying when I had already told them the menu!
Even at dinner one of the fellows asked me if I had used consumme soup and I was horrified. I said, "Nothing came out of a can!" It is all from scratch, yet in truth, ketchup, mustard, vinegar, etc. are all in containers! Definitely defensive, egotistical and self-centered in my attitude, maybe that is why later in the evening I tripped on my magazine rack, took a gouge out of my leg and wrist, not sure if I sprained a toe, hurt my swollen feet, and my body was in major shock because I hit the book case, the garbage can when I stumbled. The message I heard this morning after meditation was "Don't even go there!" I can be my own worst enemy and as I say to others, I need to apply to myself. When I become a "rushaholic," I become a happening looking for a place to land, I and certainly did a number on myself.
Life certainly is about living and the easier we do it the better; like today, I have a chiropractor's appointment at 11:15 a.m., the follow up appointment from last July when I went to the sleep disorder clinic at 1:15 p.m. a need to go to the market on my way home, and I am suppose to meet a friend and take him to an Al-Anon meeting because his girlfriend has relapsed.
I certainly hope to do it all, sore (but in the moment not swollen) feet and all!
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Post by usdupn02 on Jan 13, 2004 11:31:41 GMT -5
First of all..Caressa, that meal sounded wonderful and I wonder if you could e-mail me the left-overs!!  On to the topic.."easy does it, just do it". The just do it part is not a problem for me usually as I usually over-do it. Easy does it is a slow learn for me. Like many of you posted above, I want it all better/fixed NOW! Yet, when I expect that of myself or others it causes nothing but stress because it is so impossible to attain. Since starting this progam, I have used the phrase "easy does it" many times both for myself and to others. I use it much more often now than I did when I first started recovery because I know now that it does work. Janet |
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Post by dg on Jan 13, 2004 13:52:44 GMT -5
Hey Janet, I was thinking the same thing, it sounds soo yummy. Got any more left overs? hmm Caressa?  Easy Does it is something I haven't quite mastered yet, because I tend to go way to one extreme to another with certain things. Specially in dealing with the A in my sorta in my life.  The other nite, my son told me I have to have a last word at an arguement. LOL. I am trying to understand the slogan in a different view and try not to be so hard on myself at feeling like I failed at trying to ease my life out a bit. Making changes to oneself is a major effort specially if you already set in your old ways. |
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 13, 2004 14:34:16 GMT -5
"EASY DOES IT" - "BUT DO IT"
One lesson I have learned on this journey, is there
are no failing grades given in 12-step recovery. I
have relapses, I have bad days or sometimes just
a bad moment in that day. But, the best part of
living my recovery, is that I get a brand new start
each and every day.
The slogan, Easy does it, reminds me not to be
so critical of myself. When I slip (and I do), I
pick myself up and remember, I can't ~ God can ~
I'm going to let HIM. Today I am going to relax and
let God be in charge and do the best I can, for as
long as I can..... Hugs, SG
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Post by lildee on Jan 16, 2004 10:21:03 GMT -5
Well here is another topic that is right up my alley.
Easy Does It BUT Do It !!!
I know this may astound the vast majority of you but I do not drive. Living in xxx City for the bulk of my life I never had the need for a car. Transportation was always accessible.( Plus in my younger years I couldn't afford the expense of a car.)
About 8 years ago, we moved to xxxx, for two reasons. One to be near my hubby's parents and keep an eye on them. And the second was the school system was much better here than in the city. (Apx. 1 1/2 yrs ahead of the city.)
Living here is a drastic change from the city even though it is built up. It still has a suburban feel to it. I would say "in the sticks" even though every parcel of land has a house on it. There really isn't any commercial areas close by. To make matters worse there is practically no public transportation. Aside from calling for a cab or the senior shuttle bus (which I have been known to sneek on). So getting around has been difficult at best.
The isolation over the years has been reaching its climax. No one to talk to , no where to go, looking at the same four walls 24/7. It has gotten to the point that we had a "heated" discussion about it. We went through all the alternatives that were possible. Moving back to the city? Car service? You name it. Finally it came down to me learning to drive.......
Well let me tell you, this is one of my biggest fears. Being "half- blind" (lol) and nervous and so on , i could give you a million reasons not to drive, I finally made the desicion to take driving classes. OMG I don't believe I am saying that. For me it was a combination of isolation and anger and dependency on my "A", to push me to this point. I can't be a totally free person if I need him to drive me to the store for a carton of milk. I want to be able to do without him. So now I am investigating various diving schools -- for the nervous driver and I'll do this thing but at a slow pace. So I guess this is a good case for Easy Does IT but Do it !!!
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Post by SaraLee on Jan 16, 2004 11:53:05 GMT -5
Way to Go lildee! You will so happy when you can drive. It really does free you up. Best wishes!
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 16, 2004 13:21:13 GMT -5
( ( ( ( Lildee ) ) ) )
I agree with SaraLee....
A big congrats for facing that fear of driving....
"EASY DOES IT" ~ BUT DO IT"
Recognizing that your reliance, has made you feel
isolated, is a big step towards your recovery. If
you truly set your mind to it, you will learn to drive.
It takes confidence and the more you drive the more
confident you will feel.
Actually, this could also be a great thing for the entire
family. Hugs, ~SG~
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Post by Lin on Jan 18, 2004 6:44:06 GMT -5
Yep Lildee...I am very proud of you for making a decision to take driving lessons. The serenity prayer says...change the thigns we can. This is a change YOU CAN DO! You are intelligent and determined. Don't let the fear of being behind the wheel get to you. I heard on the radio thiis week...the Chevy dealer was quoting prices of new cars...the bottom of the line models..but he said a new 2003 (celebrity perhaps?) was about $7000. Teh new 2004 were about 9,000. That's amazing and well within reach of most people. I bought my vehicle "new" last Feb but got such a deal on it because it had been on the lot for quite some time . Nobody wanted to pay the high price for all of the extras and they had knocked off $10,000.
Learnign to drive will be scarey. But with the knowledge that it is a positive step in solving your isolation problem...it's an awesome one!
Proud of you!!!
LIN
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~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.