Hurt Feelings

[SunnyGirl]

As a rule, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but every
now and then I can get my little feelings hurt. Sometimes
it's done innocently.... other times people make remarks
that are just plain hurtful! Either way it hurts....

I've found that there is almost always an Alanon slogan
for every occasion and it was the slogan, "How Important
Is It" . This slogan always helps me in a situation where
I am feeling hurt or "less than" over something that was
said or done.

I try to pick and choose my words carefully, but sometimes
it doesn't come out the way I want it to. But then again, some
people pick out one word and focus on it instead of the whole
sentence. I know today that I am responsible for becoming
the best me I can be..... I can't fix anyone else, just me!

Peace on the journey, SG

[BW]

Oh, how I can relate.

That slogan is not just for the Alanon..it works for us alkies too. It comes from the story in the Big Book where it says... "How important is it? How important is it compared to my serenity, to my emotional sobriety?"

I often have to have tall talks with myself and have to ask myself those very questions.

[Lin]

I can also totally relate. I take things personally and wearing my feelings on my sleeve is the norm for me.

My slogan for it is Q-Tip...Quit Tak\ing It Personally.

How important is it also helps as does Consider the Source. If the person who said it has no couth ever, then what they said that upset my itty bitty feelings should not matter.

One that My little trutle friend used to say alot.I'ts none of my busines what they think of me.

Lots of ways to sneak out of one of these situations...wish I'd use them more often!

Thanks for the topic@!
LIN

[caressa]

Have been finding myself gearing myself up for the weekend now about Thursday, wondering if that is why I am having problems going to sleep last night.

My son came home from work after 7, ate and went to bed before 9 p.m. leaves for work before 5: 30 a.m. so he had a long sleep to rest up for a short day to and he would have a head start on today. Now this is my thinking and he says I don't know how his mind works but haven't been two far wrong over the years.

I just have to be careful to not to express my thoughts. His staying at mother's time is over and his getting it back together time is done, and now he has to decide what he wants to do. I think he feels like he needs to take care of me. He takes more care now than he did when he was younger. There is no way I want to be his 'mother' again and 'do' for him.

As the song says, "I did my time."

He is an addict. He is going to use. That is his choice. I don't like the energy of my son being in my space when he is using. He has been told. He completely ignores it. Just goes about doing what he wants, figures if he says nothing, mother will ignore it. When you try to bring things up, they get confrontational because they know they are in the wrong and try to put it back on you. He is so, so angry. Then he brings up the anger, and see what happens, when you make me angry, this is what happens. That is when you say, "Well if you want to get angry, you need to find somewhere else to do it."

Thanks for letting me share.

[SunnyGirl]

Thank God, we have boundaries.....

For me, when I allowed the line to get blurry
they would always try to take advantage of me.
When I stayed firm on what I would and wouldn't
accept, they began to get the picture.

I still claim the title of "Mother" and I'm still sharing
my "wisdom" with my adult kids... today they have
a choice as to following my suggestions, but then
again I have the choice as to what I will or won't do
for them. What I do is out of love, not to make their
lives easier or rescuing them as I've done in the past.

Love the topic BW has suggested for meeting this
week: "More Will Be Revealed" Hope you can make
it this week!

Peace on the journey, SG

[BW]

If and when I set healthy boundaries, as I was taught, I first check out my motives,
then I ask God speak thru me to speak with love.

When I do these things then and only then can I answer with complete honesty that I am not responsible for how the person reacts or feels from what I have said.

If however I approach the person with anger, blame or in any other confrontational manner it will turn into the "Dance of Anger" and I will have been a willing participant.

I must have the SWAT team with me at all times..."Surrender Willingness...[B
]A[/]cceptance...Trust

that is to say...recognize my feelings of anger...surrender them...be willing to step out in faith and that may mean the tuff call of detaching with love and that really does hurt sometimes...REALLY REALLY HURT and that too gets to be surrendered...then we get to accept God's comfort and trust that there He has something up His sleeve..He has a plan for that loved one that we just detached from and He has a plan for us as well now that we have cut the cord...He was just waiting patiently for us to cut the cord and let go so we had a free hand and an open heart to recieve it.

The other things that comes to mind about hurt feelings is...say what you mean...mean what you say...Just don't say it mean

[DJgrrl]

It's too bad soem of my family memebrs don't have a program. Altough maybe they do and I don't know it.
I saw my brother this mornign and I made a sarcastic hurtful remark to him ! Of course I didn't notice until it came out of my mouth.. now I feel bad !!
No wonder he driks.. he's got me for a sister

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks for sharing Dj....

My son is an alcoholic and he drinks because he is
addicted to alcohol, it's a disease. I'm responsible
for myself and when my tongue works faster than
my brain I have been known to say hurtful things.
When this happens, I make amends and work hard
not to do it again. Just do the best I can one day
at a time....

Have a great day, SG

[BW]

Hi DJ...Sounds like you are trying to take responsibility for your brother's drinking.
You are not responsible for his choices...Nor can you cure him or force him into accepting recovery.

You can, if you choose, make amends for what you said. However try not to take on the responsibility of his choices.

[DJgrrl]

I'm feeling resentful towards him or maybe it's his place of employment. I feel angry that he gets to keep his job despite his drinking.. making a lot of money !! I guess I don't see that he has suffered but who knows ??!!

[caressa]

Last weekend had tears and I was glad to see them flow, it shows growth and healing within me. I have been going through a lot of healing, shifting and change in several areas in my life. It is the start of my third 7 year cycle, which means a lot more of the same. When I see butterflies, in real life or on the internet, they are a good sign.

[majestyjo]

That is when you say, "Well if you want to get angry, you need to find somewhere else to do it."

I need to remember and listen to my own words.  My son is still using.  He has the same motto I had, "I am only governed by the amount of what is available.  I need to change that focus off drugs, alcohol, and my son's life and focus it on myself and my own recovery.

[majestyjo]

Memories are made of this.

Let go and let God. you are not their Higher Power.