Fear

[DJgrrl]

I am afraid to post here. I think I reprimaned for posting something that wasn't healthy and I now fear posting.
First is there someone or several people willing to contact me via email ?? I have soem questiosn for people of both AA and Alanon.
I realize I ahv a big fear of talkign of settign boundaries with people in AA or recovery. Most espeaiclly MEN ! Maybe it comes from my dad.. who didn't hit but yelled. ANd there is a lot of yellign going on around me. Must be God sending me a new lesson.
I ahd someone in AA break my anonimity. I wanted to tell them how much it HURT !!! But I fear they will personally attact me or worse smirk it off and saying some sarcastic !!
This has happened more than once to me.
I also have some lingering guilt taht I'd like to get off my chest !!

[BW]

PM message sent to you.... and prayers going up for you.

[SunnyGirl]

Hi DJgrrl

Everyone is welcome to post on the boards, please
do not feel afraid to post your thoughts. Any recovery
issue is a good topic for discussion.... if it is more
private you can always do it by a personal message!

Let me know if I can help in any way.... Hugs, SG

[majestyjo]

My apology, if you felt like anything I said was a reprimand DJ and it caused offense. Whether it was from me or from someone else, sometimes we need to see things from different perspectives, whether we like to look at them or not.

I had a fear of women and did not like them. That is why I joined a women's group when I first came to AA. I didn't know how to communicate with them. I had been hurt by them all of my life. I found them to be abusive, especially verbally, very condescending and very self-rightous. I had worked with men, drank with men, and I felt comfortable with them, so I found it difficult to find a woman I could trust to be my sponsor.

My mother was a great one for hitting with a wooden sthingy. My father was one you were quiet around, you didn't make a noise. I had a very violent dream in recovery and was very surprised because I didn't see him that way. I thought it was my mother who was the abuser, when in fact it was my father. It was her reactions to his abuse.

In recovery, it was me healing from the abuse from them both, along with the abuse from two abusive relationships. Abuse was normal. It was what I had grown up with. I was use to disfunction. I had to find out what was healthy and learn to treat myself with some kindness. I found myself saying, "I felt this way before. When was that? Oh, my first marriage. That was abuse! Oh, I have to change that. That isn't acceptable in today."

The difference between us, my mom died at the age of 40 and my died at the age of 66 and never found AA.  I made it to AA.  My two husband are not in the fellowship to my knowledge.  The gift for me, is that when I found AA, I also found Al-Anon.

[majestyjo]

A real remember when, thank God for the healing of this program.