Listen and Learn

[caressa]

Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote

Don't ever think you have nothing left to learn in the fellowship and that everyone wants to hear you talk incessantly because you are so wise. You can not have an open mouth and an open mind at the same time.

When I do all the talking, I can only hear what I already know.

Like this, reminds me of when I was new and I was told not to think about what I was going to say, until it was my time to say it. I was told, for one thing, if I thought of it before hand it was my words not those of my HP. Secondly, I couldn't listen and talk at the same time, even it the conversation was not verbal, it was chatting away in my head.

When I post on here, I try to post on what people ask for or if I see something that triggers a thought for me, I like to share it with others. They say to give it away, so I figure if it helped me, hopefully it will help someone else.

I have met some great people on my journey and connected with a lot of good people online. When I share, I try to share about what it was like, what happened, and what it is like in today. What am I doing to make it better, through the help of my HP and with the help of the people He puts in my path.

I post here and at other places for the newcomers and the visitors. It is good to have so many new members, but some people are just not able to share. With me, what you see is what you get. If I met you face to face, I would say the same thing and the only thing you are missing is the body language and the facial expressions, and I am told they speak volumns.

As my friend say, "You have such a nice way of telling someone off that they don't even know they have been told off until they think later, "I think she gave me nutse!"

My service sponsor told me "If you are as hard on newcomers as you are on yourself, you will drive everyone out of AA." I don't make a good sponsor, I have no time for people who don't want to work the program. My idea of work and that of others generally differ, most people are not willing to do what I have done over the years. Most people don't want to hear what I have to say, because it means working and thinking and doing. Not many people want to do 2 or 3 meetings a day, most people stick to one fellowship, and I went to AA, NA, CA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon (3 times), SA (once was told I didn't qualify), ACoA, CoDA, EA, and DRA. Some for short periods, but my focus has been AA and Al-Anon, with some NA when required.

I have been guilty of going to a speaker meeting, hearing a speaker who is giving a big drunk-a-log, and shutting down or leaving. When I went to the 60 year anniversary, I got up and walked to the back where I had a one on one with a woman who had joined me. I take exception when someone talks 20 min. about drinking, everyone know how to drink and drug. about 5-10 min. about coming into recovery and if you are lucky 3-5 min. of what it is like in today. the whole thing from my perspective was all drunk-a-log, told in a humorous way, and everyone laughed and enjoyed the talk and there was very little recovery spoken. I wanted to go up to him and say, now you are sober, you no longer drink, what are you doing to stay sober now in recovery. I didn't although I did go up and spoke with him and his wife after the meeting. The man who was celebrating is such a spiritual man, and I realized I had high expectations of the speaker and it didn't happen. I was looking for what I needed, and realized it wasn't the speaker's job. It was up to me to pick it up, and to be open to it. I found it while speaking to the woman at the back of the room.

When I go to a meeting, I need rejuvination of my body, mind and spirit. I had to stay away from speaker meetings and focus on discussion meetings because there I couldn't turn everyone out and something would come through. It was one of those things I had to pray for the willingness to do. I ended up joining a speaker meeting, one I vowed in early recovery to never go back to.

I love recovery. I talk recovery all the time, in fact a guy took me out for coffee and told me I was boring, don't you talk about anything else. At the time, I don't think I had started playing bridge.

I only get out of it what I put into it. I must admit that there have been few times that I have been at a loss for words. Recently, I found myself with expectation, looking to others to supply my needs, when it wasn't there job, and often they were not capable of meeting them, and I realized that everyone is at a different level of sobriety. I learned that at a year sober and forgot, maybe because now I am almost in the year's young stage of my life. Looking at life anew, is always a good way to learn. Each day is a new beginning for me, it is how I live my life.

[BW]

Hmmmmm.. I was taught differently...For me it is important to remember "UNITY" and sitting thru a speaker meeting is a display of that Unity and shows that we are supporting and encouraging each other..We each have our own story and many of us were taught in different ways...therefore it is not my place to judge how a person shares their story or how they were taught to share...Just like me, they are still growing and learning too. If I do not agree with what is shared then I pull out my spiritual tool box and use the tool that says,..."Take what you need and leave the rest".

I can also remind myself that someone in the meeting may have needed to hear what it was like for the speaker so they know they are not alone and can relate and I can be grateful that speaker is still suiting up and showing up and willing to be of service for the still suffering person.

I also ask myself how I would feel if people got up and left while I was sharing. For me it wouldn't feel very good and I was taught it is disrespectful. And that is just my expereince

[caressa]

Dear BW,

I left the meeting because I was coughing and needed a drink of water at the anniversary. I was with my friend Bert and his brother-in-law and wouldn't have left otherwise. It is one of the reasons I don't get out to meetings because of the coughing at night as well as muscle spasms and cramping, I can seldom sit the hour. There have been times in the last 3 years, where I have had to do walk about at the back of the room, because I couldn't sit.

I was well aware that people enjoyed his talk. It was quite humorous and people were laughing. I have no doubt that someone had to hear what he had to say, more than one. I just know that I got my message from the woman I shared with in the entry way to the kitchen. We were not talking in the meeting. It wasn't his fault that I didn't do humour that night, I enjoy a good joke with the best of them. I don't think laughing about drunken escapades is condusive to recovery. Been there done it, wore the t-shirt, so what are you doing in today to be clean and sober?

It was only at the beginning that I stayed away from speaker meetings unless it was an anniversary. Most of my meetings were topic discussion, Big Book and 12 & 12. I know that for me, if I had just gone to speaker meetings, I would not have stayed sober. We have to find our own path. My last AA sponsor goes to meetings all the time and most times it is speaker, I think she has 22 years this December. She is a heroin addict who got her recovery in AA. She found NA was a trigger for her. We do what we have to do.

One of the reason I didn't like speaker meetings, at least here in this area, is that they were big groups, and people could hide in them. The speaker meeting I joined had a small membership, but our attendance was very high. People were coming and asking to take part. Most of the meetings I shared my story at were street meetings, the hardest thing I ever had to do was be a back up speaker for a young girl's first talk. She talked for 10 minutes and I had to close out the meeting. The most rewarding was detox, treatment centers, and the jail.

I had to start new like others, and not counting the institutions, I spoke 60 times in 10 years, with an addiction 5 in the last 10 years. I loved street meetings, there were people there that had heard me speak about 20 times. I always seemed to get asked to speak, when I needed to focus on a certain issue. My God does have a way of getting my attention, especially when I am up in front of a roomful of people and words start to come out that I vowed, I would never share, certainly not in public. I am but a channel, that is why I say the 3rd and 7th Step Prayers before I speak. It may be my story, but it belongs to my God.

[BW]

In our speaker meetingws that are once a month individuals that just have to have private conversations are asked to leave the room and away from the door out of respect for the speaker and for those trying to hear; as there are individuals who are so sensitive that no matter how soft we "think" we whisper they are distracted and cannot hear what is being said. This is in our format and has been voted on by the group conscious.

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing, this group is speaker every week. The place was packed for the anniversary and with all the laughter, they couldn't have heard us for the noise, but we were down the hall, the kitchen is big and has two entrances and we were outside the door of the kitchen away from the meeting. The lady I shared with was hurting, and she wasn't a newcomer because I had seen her around the rooms. Some people at the meeting said they hadn't seen me for 10 years, which is probably right because it was a meeting up on the 'big' Hamilton mountain. My friend Bert use to belong there and I went there for his anniversary and for my sponsor's anniversary. My friend changed groups, so I hadn't been there for a while.

I was chair at the Hamilton's Women's Discussion Group one night and two ladies on my left were talking. I suggested to one of the women, both members of the group, seeing as she was already talking, that she start the discussion.

I feel bad when I have to get up and leave a meeting, it is disruptive in itself. The place was packed for the anniversary. It will be a long time before I go to another night meeting. That is one of the reasons I went to Al-Anon, and because of sleeping patterns, haven't been there either. Hopefully, things will improve with my new doctor. There is something wrong with my breathing, and I think it showed in the sleep disorder clinic, so now I have to wait for the results. As you say, acceptance, tolerance, patience, and one day at a time, more will be revealed.