Alone again :(

[dg]

**** it!! I am alone again. I am in such state of the I don't know how I am suppose to feel feeling.
This so stinks at how everything comes down, but I asked for it, and got it.
I prayed to HP to show the way, and this is what I got. I know I can't do anything about it except to accept it and deal.
Hubby, the A in my lovely life, got a year in prison again. AGAIN!!!. I still haven't cried yet. I want to so bad, but my mind is still reeling of todays court hearing.
For a while I have been trying to sort out my feelings on wether I wanted to even put up with him again, and still was thinking of it.. all the way until I went to court. When the words state prison and 2 years.. ( will do only l year)I all of a sudden wanted him home. With me!! I wanted so badly to have this freaking nitemare to end. I wanted him not to have been down this dope road in the first place.
I don't want any more lonely nites. LONG lonely nites, and wake up again to another day of worrying wether he is going to be ok in prison. ITs either worrying over about him out there in the streets, now this.
I know, I know its beyond my grasp, and I am slowly accepting it all. very very slowly.
He did tell me that he is eligable to get into a drug program in prison. For a year. that way he won't have to do it when he gets out. That is if he can stay at this particular prison. I hope that he gets the help he needs, and really tries to work it in prison. I also hope that its the real deal.
Either way, its just so hard to put up with the A in my life. and also so hard to give it all up on the other side cuz deep down I know that its all about the disease.
A big band~aid on his forhead (thanks Lildee for that word ) who knows what tomorrow will bring. or next year. Its a long year that much I know.
In the meantime, I will continue to work on me, and learn how to take care of me even more
Now to go let my tears flow.
thanks for letting me vent again.

[Caressa2]

(((DG))) I wish you well thanks you for sharing. Your are at the beginning of something special. A new spiritual journey into finding and taking care of yourself sound like a good plan to me.

Tears were difficult for me and there have been times during and after a meditation that the tears rolled down my face. I had no idea where they came from, but it felt like it was just years of pent up emotions I hadn't been able to let go of.

[lildee]

{{{{{{{{{{{Dearest Dg,}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My heart goes out for you. I know how you are feeling. One foot in the door and one foot out . Now is your biggest opportunity to really make a change. Not in the addict but in yourself. This is the time to get yourself together. Use the time while he is in jail to make to most of yourself. Work your program to the max. Now as it has always been, the focus is on you, and you alone. God has pretty much determined his fate for the next year. What is your fate? To strengthen yourself and learn the tools of the program, or to remain in abyss. Reality check--- you know you are going to have to deal with him after his year is up. No matter what you choose you will still need the tools to help you through. Love you bunches, prayers for you tonight.
Arlene

[usdupn02]

Hugs and prayers to you dg.

I know what you mean by not knowing whether you want to continue to put up with the A and then being scared at the thought of being without them.

This disease really stinks. I like the idea of visualizing the band-aid or big red A on the forehead to remind me it is a disease. But then when I get angry or frustrated, I feel bad because the A is sick. I was always brought up to help the sick and have compassion for them, not be angry and bitter and hateful at times. It's a real catch-22 but it's HP's plan and I have to accept it.

In the meantime the words of wisdom in the other posts to you make sense. Use this time to work on yourself and pray that while the A is away, HP is providing him exactly what he needs.

(((HUGS)))) Janet

[SunnyGirl]

( ( ( ( Dg ) ) ) )

Sending prayers your way! I am a firm believer in
the thought that everything happens for a reason.
We don't always like the way things are, but God's
plan always works for the best. There is a song
titled, "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers", many
times I have prayed for things that had God granted
them, I would have been in such an awful mess.

The first statement in your post... "I am alone again."
I understood that you had a network of friends
and family near you ? ? ? Think of this as a wonderful
experience, that will bring you closer to finding out
just who Donna is..... Finding just what Donna wants
and needs in her life to make her happy.

You have a choice when you get out of bed in the
morning. You can choose to be happy..... Or you
can choose to be miserable!

I watched my Mom, go from depression over the loss
of her husband, into a social butteryfly. She is taking
a puter class at the university and goes to the senior
center 2 or 3 times a week. She is looking into the
dances that are held there and thinking about going
to them as well.

Fill your life with things and people you enjoy.....

The disease of addiction affects the body, soul and
spirit and recovery is an inside job! I pray he uses
this time wisely!

You take care of Donna, you don't have to make
any life commitments today. Relax God is in charge!

Luv You.... SG

[Lin]

I was also looking at that first line about you being all alone again.
You may have an empty bed or empty house, but you are NOT alone. You have recovery friends from all over the world who care deeply for you. You also have a HP who loves yoyu and is watching out for you. You never have to deal with this problem ALONE again.

As Lildee said, it's a wonderful opportunity for you to take care of YOU...to grow in your own recovery and alow him to get better in a safe place. I've heard it said, be careful what you wish for...you jsut might get it. One night when mine was out drunk and drugging i prayed for him to be safe. He called abotu 8 hours later from the jail. I got my prayer answered. He was in jail, but he was SAFE.

{{{donna}}}
LIN

[mrsspanish]

dear dg,
hugs and prayers for you. i cant add to what was said before because all that was said is TRUE. work on yourself and take care of yourself. yes it is hard being alone in terms of the physical empty house, etc but if you have family and friends , avail yourself of their help. if you dont, just be good to yourself and do what is good for you. i did,, even though my hubby was not in jail but i threw him out and boy, was it lonely at first!! but i worked on myself and now i feel i am in a better place. as you know, you have tons of friends here at eor. they are the greatest!!!
all the best,

[dg]

Good Morning my friends,
Thanks so much for your support.
I think I should have define the term being lonely.
I know I am not lonely in my having all my friends and family around me.. I do have that. Which I am so grateful for. What I mean lonely is the fact, the term to be married to someone that is suppose to take its vow very seriously. I am lonely for my husband. Him as what I fell in love with so many years ago. Sure its a dreamer thought. But still it effects my mind. Sure we have friends around us and family (if they are supportive, which mine is not really supportive right now) but when someone marries, that spouce is suppose to be your "best friend" or "your family". Know what I mean.
Anyhow.. I know that I will grow in a different direction, I know it will be what my HP has planned for me, I am keeping an open mind in all this. Most of all, I know things always works out eventually.
I am so ever grateful that I have been here for the last few years, and to have the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people, who is also has to deal with this sort of thing on way or another. It makes me wish I could meet all of you in person, so I can give each of you a hug.. but I guess this will do for now...
((((((to my EOR family)))))))

[SunnyGirl]

.....well said ( ( ( ( mrsspanish ) ) ) ) and it's
wonderful to see you sharing your ESH ! ! !

Gonna shoot from the hip here......

Some marriages were made in heaven.....
and some weren't!

Many years ago, I met and fell in love with a man
and married him. I married him in the church and
took a vow to love, honor him. I did not pray or
ask for God's guidance before making this vow.
He was verbally and physically abusive to me and
my life was a living hell. It did not take me long
to realize that this marriage had not been blessed
by God. I acted on my own feelings and impulses
when I chose to marry him. In a short time, I
walked away from a very big mistake and asked
God to show me his will. I was divorced a short
time later and became very active in my church
and redevoted my life to God.

Several years later, I made a job change and I
met the man God had intended for me to marry.
Honey and I have been together 30 years and
had two wonderful boys. He became the father
of my darling daughter and has been the rock
in my life.

During the period between these two marriages
I was lonely at times. But I filled this time getting
to know myself better, learning to love ME and
discovering I was a good person and deserved
to be treated with respect and love.

( ( ( ( Dg ) ) ) ) I am sending up a prayer that God
will show you where you need to be. If you are
patient he will show you the way. I wish you
happiness and peace in your life, one day at a time.

Luv You, SG