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Post by SunnyGirl on Jun 12, 2012 16:26:12 GMT -5
"Shame is guilt in overdrive. If it helps think of the difference
between shame and guilt as this: shame says "I'm bad, I'm
flawed", guilt says "what I did was harmful to myself and/or
others, and I can do better than that". Thoughts of healthy,
unbiased guilt are how you converse with your conscience,
while feelings of shame don't even let the conversation begin."
- - Renee Bledsoe
I found the quote above on a recovery site and it really
made me think.... I'm not sure that I ever really thought
about the difference in these two emotions, but it does
make perfect sense.
My "codependent ego" told me for years that I was a rotten
Mother! I had to be in order for me to raise 3 children, two
of which suffered from addictions.... I felt like such a failure!
Coming into 12-step recovery allowed me to get rid of much
of that guilt.... it still crops up now and then but I have to
remember I am not responsible for the actions of my addicted
loved ones. All I can do is example my own actions and words
and determine what my part really is. I have a full time job
making sure that I am being the best person I can be. So far
God and I are doing a pretty good job, He's still pushes me
for more and I get up each day determined to do my very best,
O.D.A.T.
Please share your thoughts on this topic & quote....
Hugs, SG
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Post by caressa on Jun 12, 2012 21:21:37 GMT -5
Not sure I had a lot of shame or just jumped over it and went straight to the guilt. When I came into recovery, I think the shame had already play out and all those feeling had been internalized.
As my son's addiction escalated, my guilt increased. So my guilt would grow. I would deal with it, only to have it raise it's ugly head. I was several years sober when he told me that his first drink was one of my stashes of rye was a gold tupperware glass which would probably be about 1/2 to 2/3s full for when Dad and Barry passed out, drank all the booze, and I would have something to drink. So I guess one night they didn't greedy or I had enough and didn't need the stash, and I didn't even miss it.
He has been a great one for bring up all my defects of character that he inherited from me or he brings up his defects of character that he got from his dad, and why didn't I give me mine instead. As he said, why didn't you give me your sense of humour, why didn't you give my your brains, and yet, he does have a sense of humour, if he allows himself to use it, and he has a lot of common sense and is good at figuring things out, if you allow him to do it.
I taught him to play cards (Crazy 8s and then Cribbage and about 5 and 8) then he learned darts and pool. I felt guilty about signing him into the Legion to play. I felt guilty about signing him in and buying him a beer. He said, "My first legal beer Mom. His father left when he was 2 months old, so I guess a lot of it was me feeling like I had to be mother and father. We have always been close and for most of his life he would come and talk to me, but as his disease escalated, he closed down. In today he is a very angry young man. Yet he isn't that young, but because of my enabling, his addiction, and his refusal to have anything to do with any kind of recovery talk, he hasn't grown up and doesn't want to do anything responsible. My ex-husband was the same way. At the end of our marriage. He was hanging out with younger people, because he was getting older, and I felt uncomfortalbe, because I was 5 years older than him. He wouldn't let me colour my hair, wear make up, and I looked 10-15 years older. When I came into recovery, I looked 10 years younger than him. I had a lot of shame for staying in the marriage for 7 years. It was violent and abusive, mentally and physically, not just him, but I became just as violent as he was. The abused becomes the abuser they say, and I proved that to be true. I was not a very nice person.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 1, 2019 0:40:34 GMT -5
Went to see an Elder and she told me it wasn't who you were born, it is who you are in today. I took her a gift of tobacco (bummed a cigarette from my friend because I quit at 7 years of sobriety) and she gave me a piece of Fool's Gold. She didn't know my birthday was April Fool's Day. I went to NA to quit smoking after praying for the willingness to quit.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 1, 2019 0:44:05 GMT -5
Pyrite is a powerful protection stone which shields and protects against all forms of negative vibrations and/or energy, working on the physical, etheric, and emotional levels. It stimulates the intellect and enhances memory, helping to recall relevant information when needed.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.