|
|
Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 7, 2004 14:44:19 GMT -5
We are the only species who can think about the future,
this gives us tremendous advantages. But along with the
ability to think ahead, comes the recognition that things
could go wrong and that brings worry.
Worry is really just another form of fear..... When I am
not sure what tomorrow will bring it makes me afraid
of all the possible outcomes. But when I look at it logicly
things could turn out well, so my worry would be for
nothing! .......wasted time
If that is the case, why do I spend time worrying about
the "worst possible scenario? In my case, I am still
carring around those old tapes from the past. When it
seemed that life held only the negative outcomes!
Every now and then life will throw a stumbling block in
my road and instead of walking around it or jumping
over it, I will pick it up and carry it along with me for
days. I can't seem to let it go......
My recovery helps me by allowing me to reach out to
others and talk this through. I am reminded to give it
to God and trust Him with my heavy burden. I'm
reminded to change the focus and to be grateful for
today and all I have been given. Today if I am worried
I try to think it all the way through. Is there anyway
I can resolve the situation? If I can't fix it, it was never
mine to begin with!
How do you deal with worry?
Please share your experience, strength and hope.....
Peace on the journey, SG
|
|
|
|
Post by Caressa2 on Apr 7, 2004 15:08:57 GMT -5
Mostly with denial!  I don't do a lot of conscious worrying, but have come to realize that sometimes it is a feeling that I tend to ignore and don't always recognize when it first comes. I try to walk in faith, and the last few days have been difficult, but I can't say I am worried about anything other than whether my feet will allow me to stand and get through it all. Often the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. I tend not to worry as a whole because I am a greater believer that there is always another option and another way about things. Nothing is died in stone and nothing is forever and ever amen. |
|
|
|
Post by tired on Apr 7, 2004 21:25:28 GMT -5
dear sg my a went into trearment on monday and i find my thoughts are worried wondering if hell make it or not or go to jail your post reminded me to let it go and it dosnt belong to me because i cant fix it like you said thanks for the post just the reminder i needed tonight your friend tired
|
|
|
|
Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 7, 2004 22:44:45 GMT -5
Hi Tired,
Glad you stopped by to reply....
Try not to worry about the "A", he is in God's hands.
Think of this as a vacation from your worries and
concentrate on YOU and YOUR recovery. Check
out a few good books from the library, I recommend
any of Melody Beatties books. Pour yourself into
reading anything you can get your hands on that
pertains to your recovery. The 12-steps will lead you
to the place you are looking for.....
Keep the faith...
Luv You, SG
|
|
|
|
Post by usdupn02 on Apr 8, 2004 10:27:00 GMT -5
"Old tapes"..you said a mouthful. Most times I can work thru worry fairly easily. Sometimes however, certain things trigger a bunch of memories that are just hard to work thru. It is learned behavior that in the past, dealings with certain people, places, things have had negative results, so when those things pop up, I automatically worry/obsess about what might happen down the road. When that happens, it doesn't matter that I know I can't do anything about it or that it hasn't happenned yet. It only matters that "Oh no..not again"!!
I'm learning to use the tools to work thru these times but still have a difficult time. It is hard to truly let go and let god when you get stuck in that loop of learned behavior.
Timely topic once again. Thanks SG!
Janet
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Apr 8, 2004 12:07:06 GMT -5
Mornin Sg~ Worry should be my middle name!  I am always worried, or I should say on guard, try to be on top of things~ when I have no right to do in the first place, for I am in Gods way of his plan. I do worry all the time, over things that I can't stop obsessing over. Like.. example: is my A going to stop doing drugs, or is he going to work the program when he gets out?.. And the I get this smack in the side of the head saying: HELLO Dg.. YOU got to work YOUR own program, and work YOUR own tools to stop that kind of thinking, for its not up TO ME that my A will do those things. I can only hope that he wont', yet, I know that I have to turn my will over to HP and let him take control. That is HP job! HMmm you mentioned taking a vacation of my worries, sounds good to me, I am trying to do that by working on my steps more, getting into it more and keeping a open mind to whats around me instead of focusing on the one thing.. the A. Thanks for the thread Sg.. you always get me thinking..  |
|
|
|
Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 8, 2004 13:59:27 GMT -5
Dearest Janet and Dg....
Thank you for replying to this weeks discussion
topic. I think fear and worry are big speed bumps
on this road to recovery. If I have faith, why worry?
If I know that God has a plan, why should I be afraid?
This is why we have to practice our recovery......
Step 1= I can't.... Step 2= God can.... Step 3= I will let HIM
I have carried this weeks topic over to the meeting
tonight. Topic: " Fear and Faith "...... I would love
you both to join us at the meeting and share your
experience, strength and hope.
Peace on the journey...... SG
|
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Jun 15, 2004 6:46:37 GMT -5
After I pulled the chip for today and realized I was being FEARFUL, I looked for a thread to give me some E,S, & H. This seemed to be a good one.
I know I need to let GOD deal with my worry. I know I have a chance to do something about it, and I seem to be worrying that I won't do it right. I am worrying that the Indiana family will set a court date, get the boy assigned to his abusive dad, and not tell us until it's all over. That's my worry. They are sneaky. They are very capable of doing such a thing, KNOWING we will gladly take him.
I hope today we can at LEAST talk to an attorney. We'll see, I promised his mom I'd raise him if something happened. What a shame she did not write that down or make a will. That sure woudl ahve helped. I know I will never forgive myself if I dont at least TRY. If i TRY and the abusive DAD gets him anyway, I'll jsut have to pray he stays safe.
At least at my house he'd not get to watch his grandmother on crack and his dad and uncle cook meth in the garage. Courts surprise us. They might jsut give him back to his dad. At my house he'd have his own room instead of having to sleep on a couch the rest of his youth.
LIN
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Jun 15, 2004 7:34:35 GMT -5
Dear Lin,
With the living conditions as described, are there no laws to step in and put him into a ward of the court or you to protect him from this situation, like Children's Aid, Salvation Army, etc.
I would be worried too my friend, as you know, I am a firm believer in the fact that we are products of our environment. Hopefully a lawyer can direct you to a way that can help alleviate your peace of mind and put the children into a safe place.
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Jun 15, 2004 8:06:04 GMT -5
Hi Lin,
Just had a thought about your worries for the child. He is what 12 or 14? If the dad doesn't agree with what you would like to do for his son, there maybe another option left open to you. Talk to the boy. Tell him that you know he wants to stay where he is, but there is always a place for him in your home. Don't force him. Just give him an option. When he sees what it is like to live with and active addict/alcoholic he may take you up on your option. God may want him to see what the other side of the fence is like. If you can't get custody of him, just be there for him when he is in need. Just a thought.
Love
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Jun 15, 2004 11:33:50 GMT -5
Lin,
I have seen how the system works out here in California..(sometimes it stinks)if the father has a record history with the law on his drug problems, and the grandmother too, the court system will probably make the father do some kind of parenting courses, or be under the watchful eye with Child protective services (this is where it stinks)and monitor his drug use by testing him, or grandmother.
I know its so hard on you to have to be on the other side of the fence feelign helpless when you know full well the whole story with family, more than anything, have faith that things will turn out for the good at the end.
Prayers for you dear friend.
|
|
|
|
Post by usdupn02 on Jun 15, 2004 13:23:22 GMT -5
To add to DG's post, I have also seen the system at work in parts of Ky. I also echo that sometimes it stinks. Usually everything will be done to keep the children with a parent which may well include classes in parenting. It is very difficult watching in situations like this but my experience has been that the kids are pretty resilient and tho I hate to see them in what I feel is a bad situation, HP works wonders.
Praying for you and all involved.
Janet
|
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Jun 17, 2004 4:14:04 GMT -5
Thanks all. Since I posted this i DId talk to a fe Indiana attorneys. I ws trying to track down which one handled her custody case. The phone rang and it was the abusive dad. He screamed at me and threatened me. He told several lies and things he dug up from 40 years ago that he planned to use against my husband. The things he said were such total liesl I asked how he could go to court and tell such lies. He said he was not going to let me take him and the whole family was going to back him up. I could hear one family member I have loved for 35 years screaming inthe background.
So I had to walk away from the situation and the family. I will now pray.
Last night I had the topic WORRY for the AOCA meeting. The original post here by SG asks how we del with worry.
I use three tools...my HP, the Serenity prayer, and slogans.
My HP can help me replace fear with faith. When my HP manages my life it give me freedom from worry.
The Serenity prayer is so powerful! Accepting what I cann't change, changing what i can...puts things I am worrying about in such perspective.
Slogans are such useful tools! For worry i use How important is it?, One day at a time, Just for today, and Keep it simple.
One other thing I di d early in recovery that helped alot was to make a list of my fears. By writing them down it took away so much of their power and importance.
I had some major worries the last few days. I have now put theminto a GOD CAN. (I'can't...GOD CAN.)
LIN
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Jun 17, 2004 8:19:51 GMT -5
Lin,
Using the God can is a wonderful way to release your worries. Trying to detach from the whole mess has to to be extremely difficult. But using the same tools that you know to detach from the "A" will help you. Think of the "chair" when you hear their verbal assualts. Or borrow my "Band- Aid." I know you feel a great pain in your heart, but just keep this in mind, God has a plan for each and every one of us. I don't know what His plan is for these children. But there must be some reason for the way things are. Maybe God wants a lesson to be learned here. But keep your heart and your mind open to Him and He will guide you in the right direction. My prayers are with you.
Your loving friend,
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by SaraLee on Jun 17, 2004 12:40:51 GMT -5
How do you deal with worry?
By taking some time to meditate on what ever is going on that is worrying me, finding solutions or ideas that may work or often, just giving myself time to feel the feelings I'm having and then I change the subject in my head and do something that takes my mind off the worry. The worry often comes back and if I need to go through the process again, I do. It helps me to not to continuality focus on what is wrong and helps me to be productive.
SaraLee
|
|
|
|
Post by SunnyGirl on Jun 18, 2004 11:47:16 GMT -5
How do you deal with worry?
My youngest son was the last one to move out and
that was about 3 years ago. So it was just "Honey"
and I and the 2 fuzzy faced kids, peace abounded
in our home......
We made a decision to take in our Grandson (19),
who was for the most part homeless and provide
him with a home. Having a teen back in the house
is not always easy, I immediately began to fall
back into some old habits.
About 3 days ago, I decided this is all so silly......
He hasn't really done anything to cause me to worry,
but I kept hyper-focusing on him and his daily
routines and driving myself nuts. I am not perfect
and expecting him to shape up and become the
perfect kid, is unrealistic of me.
God and I had a "heart to heart" and I am back
on track.... Why am I worrying when God has a
plan for this kid? I am going to minimize my part
in all of this and allow HIS plan to unfold. I refuse
to worry about tomorrow and waste a perfectly good
day.....
Luv Ya, SG
|
|
|
|
Post by Lin on Jun 19, 2004 4:49:22 GMT -5
I had a huge problem with worry myself last week. I decided I neded to turn it all ove to GOD. I put it inmy GOD BOX and have startd to move on. Having that "heart to heart" talk with GOD is a wonderful idea! My good buddy RON always said fear and faith can't live in the same house. If I put my faith in my HP to make things work for the best, then my lie is not in such turmoil.
Great topic. Just what I needed to read today! THANKS!
LIN
|
|
|
|
Post by majestyjo on Nov 2, 2019 3:31:18 GMT -5
Was just talking to a friend tonight. Worry is such a waste of energy. My son informed me he was worried about me. I tried to reassure him that I was going and just getting old.
|
|
~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.