Every conflict has many levels

[Caressa2]

Today's thought is:
Every conflict has many levels.

Some couples live as if they are fighting a cold war. Conflicts are handled by retreat into silence with each feeling like a self-righteous victim. When we retreat into this role we abandon ourselves and our commitments to our relationship. We tear away at the relationship we originally created out of love and hope.

When conflicts arise, as they must, resolution depends on taking the risk to go back to our partner with enough calmness to listen and speak our piece. We must let go of our pride and desire to be right. We each believe our case is just. But our differences are not necessarily about who is right or wrong, good or bad. Every conflict has many levels. Many times in conflict what we want most is to feel listened to and understood. When we listen and work to understand, we can let go of our need to "win," and our differences can build our common strength.

Tell your partner about a conflict or difference of opinion for which you have gone silent.

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

[SunnyGirl]

I spent so many years, believing I was right and
a lot of time trying to prove it.... I was willing to
go to any length to show everyone I was RIGHT!

I've learned so much from Nar-Anon..... Today I
know I don't have to be right, I just have to be
happy. I have backed away from many of my
"truisms". I believe what I believe, but I can't force
anyone to think or feel what I believe.

I am learning there are much better ways to settle
conflicts..... I can sit and listen to other peoples
thoughts and feelings without becomming upset or
angry. I don't always understand why they feel the
way they feel, but I am becoming a good listener and
don't condemn.

Thanks for posting this and making me think!

( ( ( ( Caressa ) ) ) )


Peace on the journey, SG

[majestyjo]

Love the saying, "Agreeing to disagree." I use to argue just for arguement sake. There was just no way that I would agree with my ex-husband if I thought he was in the wrong. It caused me to get hit many times, because I wasn't willing to compromise and just let things pass without opening my mouth. My mouth was a very nasty weapon and I had to pray for it's healing when I got into recovery.

[majestyjo]

Every thing is not black or white. In recovery, I found shades of gray.

Every thing is not all positive or all negative. That is why we need to get honest. We need to take ownership of what is ours and look at what we need to change, nurture, or eliminate.