Why are you doing that?

[caressa]

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."

-- Sir John Lubbock

Throughout the day, continually ask yourself about your underlying motivation. Why are you doing what you are doing?

Is it for selfish, manipulative or fearful reasons? Is it for honest service with integrity? Maybe you'll discover you don't know. Perhaps you will see that much of your activity lacks purpose.

This is a great way to become more conscious. Your intention and motives are fundamental to the results you will receive. Set high intentions and your life will blossom.

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Higher Awareness - used with permission

This is from my site Star Choices from a section called "Walk With Me."

Because this is long, I am splitting it into two sections.

[caressa]

This struck me, because we are all addicts and alcoholics, but we are all different ages, we all have different skills, different levels of education, different ways of doing things because of experience and opportunity, and when we come into recovery, we either want the sun, the moon and the stars, or we just want back what we lost, or we just want our own little space and have some peace and serenity.

I took courses and went back to school and all it did was make me realize that I had done my time and I had absolutely no desire to go back into the rat race and compete in the big old world for big bucks and live on the edge out there now that I had some peace and serenity. I didn't need much to live on, never had it, so why should I need it now. People just didn't understand this, they told me I should go out and be a working and useful member of society. Well I did go out and volunteer, I had no problem with that as long as it was recovery related, and went into jails, detox, recovery houses, and into the Community with the Literacy Council and Hamilton Housing Computer Access Program. There was service with in AA and NA as well and that had to come first. It is because of service that I have long term recovery. AA works if you work for AA. NA works if you work for NA.

What do I look for. One day of sobriety, this 24 hours with out using people, places and things. It isn't about alcohol and drugs and hasn't been for 21 years. I don't abuse my medication. It is about my thinking, my actions during the day when it comes to my medication, my food, how I inter-act with other people, how I speak to others, what kind of message I carry to others, carrying the message on the internet, and maintaining my emotional sobriety, one day at a time. It is my thinking that is the root of my dis-ease. I try not to have hissy fits any more. I try not to curse someone and run them down or put them down. A person may come to mind and I may try to figure them out, but then I try to turn them over to my God and He generally lets me know if I am suppose to detach from the person and gives me the good orderly direction I need. Detachment doesn't mean I don't love the person, it just means I don't always allow them in my space.

I can still turn a blind eye. I can still look at things with tunnel vision and have to ask for a wider perspective. That is when I try to remember to ask for my own knowingness about something, my own view of a situation rather than take someone else's word. If I didn't see or hear it, it is gossip, so I try to figure it out for myself and what it means to me.

Today I try to step back before I act. I try not to react, I pray that I will be given the pause to stop and think. As an Aires, we are often reactive people. My definition of an Aires is "The left foot is moving forward and the right foot doesn't know it has to move yet."

I forgot to say, this took a long time and a lot of practice. This is a program of practice, practice, practice. This is my 21 year anniversary and there are days, when I still don't get it right. That doesn't mean I pick up a drink, it just means I have to make an amend to my God, to myself, or another suffering addict or an Earthling that my cross my path.

[Lin]

This reading made me think. Thanks Caressa. Fior me asking my motives helped me decide if I am trying to control an outcome. It reminds me to be kinder and not try to manipulate. It helps me bite my tongue at times. It helps me not to participate in button pushing and continue an argument. It helps me let go and get on with what things I CAn control.

For me the phrase"do i want to be happy or do I want to be right" really strikes a chord. It helps me smile and be happy in spite of the chaos around me.

LIN

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing Lin. You reminded me of my son's comment the other day. He was going to save me from my self move out and save me from the chaos. What he would have been doing was the usual, running away from it, dumping it all on mother and running for the hills. Let her deal with it, I'll just go back to B.C. and forgt it all. We had to have a wee talk with him.