Post by godsjem on Sept 26, 2012 11:20:48 GMT -5
Yesterday sitting in a meeting while we read the whole chapter on steps 3 and 4, so much dealing with resentment, I was obsessing in resentment towards people in the room and my sister and .....: well anyways I kind of had to laugh and started listening harder and praying. I felt some relief and realized I can not succeed in being sober or happy this way. I decided to write this out taken from chapter 5.
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys me more than anything else. The more I fight and try to have my own way, the worse matters get.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that I permit these, do I squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the me, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. I find that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings I shut myself off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of my addictions return and I drink or use again. And with me, the insanity of my addictions is to die.
If I am to live, I have to be free of anger. The obsession and inward rage are not for me. They may be the dubious luxury of normal people, but for me as an alcoholic and drug and food addict, these things are poison.
I began to see that the world and its people have really dominated me. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, have the power to actually kill. How can I escape? I see that these resentments must be mastered, but how? I can not wish them away any more than I can completely live without air, or control my addictions without help.
This is the plan of action: I realize that the people who wronged me were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though I do not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed me, they, like myself, are sick too. I ask God to help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
This therefore is my prayer when I am filled with resentment: "This person who offended me, is a sick person. God save me from being angry. I need to avoid retaliation or argument. I wouldn't treat a sick people this way. If I do, I will destroy my chances of being helpful to them. God help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. I cannot be helpful to all people, but at least, God show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of this person and all else that I feel angry with or hurt. How can I be helpful to this person? Your will be done. Show me my part in this problem and show me if I need to make amends. I know fear and pride are an underlying problem in this situation. Fear somehow touches about every aspect of my relationships. It is an evil and corroding thread. It has set in motion trains of circumstances which brought me misfortune I felt I didn't deserve. But, somehow this fear started with me and my reactions. I know I always want to run the show but now You are my director. I am in the world to play the role You assigned me. Just to the extent that I do as I think You would have me, and humbly rely on You, You will enable me to match calamity with serenity.
Demonstrate, through me what You can do. I ask You to remove my resentment fear and direct my attention to what You would have me be."
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys me more than anything else. The more I fight and try to have my own way, the worse matters get.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that I permit these, do I squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the me, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. I find that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings I shut myself off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of my addictions return and I drink or use again. And with me, the insanity of my addictions is to die.
If I am to live, I have to be free of anger. The obsession and inward rage are not for me. They may be the dubious luxury of normal people, but for me as an alcoholic and drug and food addict, these things are poison.
I began to see that the world and its people have really dominated me. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, have the power to actually kill. How can I escape? I see that these resentments must be mastered, but how? I can not wish them away any more than I can completely live without air, or control my addictions without help.
This is the plan of action: I realize that the people who wronged me were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though I do not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed me, they, like myself, are sick too. I ask God to help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
This therefore is my prayer when I am filled with resentment: "This person who offended me, is a sick person. God save me from being angry. I need to avoid retaliation or argument. I wouldn't treat a sick people this way. If I do, I will destroy my chances of being helpful to them. God help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. I cannot be helpful to all people, but at least, God show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of this person and all else that I feel angry with or hurt. How can I be helpful to this person? Your will be done. Show me my part in this problem and show me if I need to make amends. I know fear and pride are an underlying problem in this situation. Fear somehow touches about every aspect of my relationships. It is an evil and corroding thread. It has set in motion trains of circumstances which brought me misfortune I felt I didn't deserve. But, somehow this fear started with me and my reactions. I know I always want to run the show but now You are my director. I am in the world to play the role You assigned me. Just to the extent that I do as I think You would have me, and humbly rely on You, You will enable me to match calamity with serenity.
Demonstrate, through me what You can do. I ask You to remove my resentment fear and direct my attention to what You would have me be."
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.