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Post by caressa on Oct 19, 2012 5:57:44 GMT -5
This struck me, because we are all addicts and alcoholics, but we are all different ages, we all have different skills, different levels of education, different ways of doing things because of experience and opportunity, and when we come into recovery, we either want the sun, the moon and the stars, or we just want back what we lost, or we just want our own little space and have some peace and serenity.
I took courses and went back to school and all it did was make me realize that I had done my time and I had absolutely no desire to go back into the rat race and compete in the big old world for big bucks and live on the edge out there now that I had some peace and serenity. I didn't need much to live on, never had it, so why should I need it now. People just didn't understand this, they told me I should go out and be a working and useful member of society. Well I did go out and volunteer, I had no problem with that as long as it was recovery related, and went into jails, detox, recovery houses, and into the Community with the Literacy Council and Hamilton Housing Computer Access Program. There was service with in AA and NA as well and that had to come first. It is because of service that I have long term recovery. AA works if you work for AA. NA works if you work for NA.
What do I look for. One day of sobriety, this 24 hours with out using people, places and things. It isn't about alcohol and drugs and hasn't been for 21 years. I don't abuse my medication. It is about my thinking, my actions during the day when it comes to my medication, my food, how I inter-act with other people, how I speak to others, what kind of message I carry to others, carrying the message on the internet, and maintaining my emotional sobriety, one day at a time. It is my thinking that is the root of my dis-ease. I try not to have hissy fits any more. I try not to curse someone and run them down or put them down. A person may come to mind and I may try to figure them out, but then I try to turn them over to my God and He generally lets me know if I am suppose to detach from the person and gives me the good orderly direction I need. Detachment doesn't mean I don't love the person, it just means I don't always allow them in my space.
I can still turn a blind eye. I can still look at things with tunnel vision and have to ask for a wider perspective. That is when I try to remember to ask for my own knowingness about something, my own view of a situation rather than take someone else's word. If I didn't see or hear it, it is gossip, so I try to figure it out for myself and what it means to me.
Today I try to step back before I act. I try not to react, I pray that I will be given the pause to stop and think. As an Aires, we are often reactive people. My definition of an Aires is "The left foot is moving forward and the right foot doesn't know it has to move yet."
I forgot to say, this took a long time and a lot of practice. This is a program of practice, practice, practice. This is my 21 year anniversary and there are days, when I still don't get it right. That doesn't mean I pick up a drink, it just means I have to make an amend to my God, to myself, or another suffering addict or an Earthling that my cross may path. |
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Post by caressa on Oct 19, 2012 6:12:53 GMT -5
Shared this on another site, and while reading it, I thought how narrow minded people can be about the "addict" just like the stigma attached to alcoholics. People see the guy on Skid Row, with his/her brown paper bag and bottle and they are all type cast and many stay in denial and die. They don't even recognize that the problem isn't what is in the bottle, it is but a symptom of their disease. The same with the addict, it doesn't matter what substance he/she uses, it all leads to the same soul sickness. There are drugs that call attention to themselves and then there are those that people tend to overlook, and think that they don't have a problem. All those other 12 Step programs out there that seldom get mentioned: Gambling, sex, work, religion, food, computers, codependency, relationships, and the list goes on and on. I am so glad that the 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. Substitution doesn't work. I tried it, and all I did was have more addictions to deal with on a daily basis.
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. |
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Post by caressa on Dec 5, 2012 10:25:47 GMT -5
Just had the thought, when we do something wrong, or what we perceive to be wrong because of old tapes, how often do we blame our parents instead of taking responsibility for our own decisions. When I surrender and put my day and ME in my God's Care, then I under His/Her care and direction and it is up to me as to how I follow direction, because I am granted freedom of choice. Just for today, I choose not to use. I choose not to use my parents as a scapegoat and take responsibility for my own disease. I am powerless over them, and they are powerless over me, unless I give them the power.  |
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Post by caressa on Dec 23, 2012 23:05:49 GMT -5
With the holidays coming on, I have to look at each day as another 24 hours. If I am in today, worrying about Christmas, I have to ask myself, "Why are you doing that?" Christmas isn't here yet. Even when it gets here, I need to turn my will and my life into the hands of my Higher Power and ask for help to get through the day. When my life is in my God's hands, I am given that pause to stop and think and ask myself, "Why are you doing that." My sobriety comes first, everything else is secondary, including my family and friends. Without my sobriety, I have nothing. Certainly nothing worth celebrating, and for me to use is to die, so why would I be doing something that would jeoprodize my life.  |
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Post by caressa on Dec 27, 2012 20:08:39 GMT -5
Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so alone So different, So separate. I know I am not different Unique in my own journey, Yet not so unique in my differences From others who have traveled this journey. Today I feel alone. Is it my own separateness. Am I isolating my spirit as well as my body? I share with others Yet seem apart. No one close Am I looking for acceptance Validation for who I am? Is it my right? I am comfortable with me Or so I thought. Yet why this feeling of being alone. No one caring... No one sharing... No one showing any interest in what I do. Is it the ego? Is it the pride? Why have all the words dried up inside? How do I get them out? Express all the pain and the sorrow Letting you know how much I hurt To heal, to let go, to live and to dare to dream Of a better tomorrow A better day with hope Someone to love Someone I who loves Someone who knows Someone who shares Someone who cares. Something I wrote in February 14, 2005 that I found posted on another site. I think it was probably posted here and copied to another site, and I then copied it to another site, and now back on here. LOL!  |
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Post by caressa on Jan 2, 2013 17:10:10 GMT -5
Don't Let Anyone Walk Around In Your Head with their Dirty Shoes On
We tend to let others control our lives. We allow people to rob us of our dreams. Just when we think we've got it together, someone will make a statement or remark about how we should act or what we should be and we allow those remarks to make us question and doubt ourselves. We give these people power over us. No one else should control our lives. We are in control of our own lives and destiny with the help of our Higher Power. We cannot live our lives through other people's thoughts or action. We don't have to allow ourselves or our thoughts to be controlled by someone else's judgement.
- Original Source Unknown
How often we allow others to rent space in our head. We don't even charge them rent. Most times, they don't even know they are.
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Post by caressa on Jan 23, 2013 2:06:58 GMT -5
Need help? "Asking for help doesn’t mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence." -- Anne Wilson Schaef The path of healing begins with awareness that things can be different. We must be willing to open to the potential, the possibility for change. We also need to acknowledge that we are not in this experience alone, without support. The divine power of love is here for us, if we are willing to open to receive it. Sincerely ask for help and loving support will manifest in both mundane and magical ways. "The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul." -- Rona Barrett From Higher Awareness - Used with permission From my site Star Choices In the beginning, I didn't have a problem with asking for phone numbers, my little black book was my life line. I misplaced it and thought my world had come to a end. My friend who I was sharing a house with had most of my numbers in her own book, and I was able to start up a new telephone book. I have more problems now picking up the phone in today, my computer has been more of a lifeline in today. I didn't have a computer at the beginning and that was a good thing I think, because I was able to go out to meetings. You just can't beat f2f meetings, the energy can't be duplicated. It is important to get those phone numbers and use them. They connect your soul and my God speaks through others. When I am talking to myself, I don't get enough food for my soul and it dries up and I can't receive or give. Reach out and share with another. I know it helped me as well as the other person. Recovery is a two way street. __________________ |
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 29, 2016 22:04:42 GMT -5
The holidays are one day at a time. Christmas day is just another 24 hours. Just for today, I choose not to use. We can do what I can't do alone.  |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.