Struggling and Angry

[mkaufm1313]

TEXTTEXT
I am new at this and don't know where to start. My daughter is an addict and has been in and out of detox and staying clean. She just finished detox 4 weeks ago and went right into a 90 day program, but after 2 weeks and 2 days she left and came home. She has a 21 month old daughter who since her birth I have basically taken full care of.
I have to admit that since she has left the rehab, she has been going to meetings every night and sometimes more than one a night.
So why am I stuggling and Angry? I am struggling because there are no alanon meetings in my area and only one naranon and it is just a few months old and no one has over a year to help me or the others. There are only 6 members and only 4 usually show up at a meeting. There is only one other there that it is concerning a child, the others are spouses and those are the ones that seem to take up the meeting time. This also causes me to feel anger.
But the main anger is towards my daughter and her behavior. I see some changes, but too much of the same attitude as when she was using. The day she left rehab I took her to a NA meeting where she met a guy....does this surprise me, NOT AT ALL! But the next night she brings him home, which is a week ago today and even though he has not brought his things here totally he has spent every night here. He has 7+ years clean.
When I confronted her about him staying here all the time, she says it makes her happy. Well it doesn't me. It is too soon for her to become involved this much. If I argue with her, I am afraid that she will act out like before in violence. I have had broken bones and much more from her when she was using.
Of course she is always sorry and going to change and of course I always believe her.
I just don't know where to turn any more. I want to start working on the steps for Naranon, but don't know where to start or what to read or anything.
I, under false pretenses, did attend NA for over 2 years and was even the area secy. and much more. I had a sponsor, but working the steps as an addict, did not help me I just didn't fit what it was talking about.
It seems that it has to be her way or nothing. She isn't working and I am on disability so I am paying all the bills, shouldn't I have a say in something....anything?
PLEASE HELP SOMEONE........PLEASE.........
You are even welcome to email me personally. I welcome anyone and anything that I can grab on to.
I don 't know how much more I can take. Here this guy is sitting in my living room after getting up just an hour ago and I can't even talk to him or look at him. Why, I feel that he is being pushed down my throat......this is not fair to me or my granddaughter.
Hope to hear from someone.....PLEASE HELP!!!!!
Love and Prayers,
Mary K

[Lin]

Welcome to EOr Mary! I feel your pain and frustration. You certainly have alot to deal with.

First i want to applaud you for taking good care of your grand-daughter. Many kids have nobody but their addict parents to look after them and see they are safe. And i am happy you are taking in your daughter. It's too bad she is putting you in such a position of resentment by bringing in a boyfriend so soon. When I find myself getting a resentment over something i try to see it from all angles and see if i can find ANY type of gratitude. I am merely seing it from your words, but maybe knowing her friend has over 7 years clean is a plus that she will not want to let him down with a relapse. women do things for their BOYFRIENDS they woudl not do for parents for some reason. (And sons do the vice-versa) You are correct,. You are paying the bills and if he stays there alot it IS your choice to be angry about it or to accept this person in her life and your home,.

as far as small alanon and no naranon...that's really too bad. The lack of naranon meetings is a very universal problem. My city is 65,000 and there are no naranon. I have done well with ALANON..so even going to the one with 4 people is better than not at all.

You didnt say if you bought the daily reading books at alanon. That might help. When I am feeling angry, frustrated, etc. I can go to the index and find a topic like ANGEr and read all of the pages.

Hopefully you can find a naranon meeting online. We have had one here onThursdays, but I am not sure it has a chairperson right now. i DO know abotu Sunday and Friday evenings. at 8 PM eastern, 7 central and 5 pacific...every Sunday i chair ACOA. it's adult children of alcoholics...but even that had many topics you could relate to,. Friday it is AlAnon I chair. You are welcome to attend those and hopefully you can hear something you might use to feel better.

Hang in there mary. Living with an addict is frustrating. Taking it one day at a time is what it takes. Today she is clean. Today you know where she is instead of wondering if he's on the streets dead or alive. So be grateful for today. Handle tomorrow when it comes.

Tonight my acoa topic will be self-pity. perhaps you can make it?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
LIN

[caressa]

Thank you for sharing. I have a son in active addiction and one thing he often reminds me of is that he is a person and my son behind the addict.

Online meetings here helped me, along with Al-Anon, and I have a friend who is a long-time Al-Anon member who goes to open AA meetings.

I am one of those who are doublely blessed, I am a recovering addict myself and a big part of my recovery has been Al-Anon. I was the child of an alcoholic, was married to an alcoholic and have a son who is an admitted alcoholic.