Boundaries

[lildee]

This was too good a read to pass up on


You are reading from the book:The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Today's thought is:Boundaries

Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.There's nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson. The lesson may be that we've become too controlling. Or maybe we're being pushed to own our power to take care of ourselves. The issue is boundaries.If something or somebody is pushing us to our limit, that's exactly what's happening: we're being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that's here to help us explore and set our boundaries.

Today, I will give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.


With this read in mind what boundaries do you have?

[lildee]

Boundaries.....

For me the first and foremost is my serenity. Anything that breaks that serenity is breaking a boundary.

If my recovery is tampered with or impinged on that is breaking a boundary. Cuz if I am insane I am no good to anyone.

Another boundary is that my home is a drug free zone. No drugs in my house. If my addict chooses to use do it elsewhere but not here.

A few others that I am continuously working on is not being controlled or manipulated. These for me are toughies. In certain situations I can stand my ground, but there are times when I cave in. (especially with my kids). They do one of those P-L-E-A-S-E M-O-M's and I get weak. So working on that one for sure.

For me I recognize my boundaries when there is some kind of emotional rise or a change in my attitude. Then I know the line has been crossed. That's when I have to stop and THINK. What is my motivation here ? If I feel the boundary is being crossed it's time for discussion. to let the other person know exactly how I feel and where I stand.

Just my 2 cents worth.


Love and God Bless
Arlene

[Lin]

This is a great ACOA topic1 I thinkI will use ot for the meeting topic tonight.

For me the biggest boundary is honesty. If a person is dishonest with me, i will not accept that. I had what my husband called an "alanon episode" once at a car dealer. They told me my car woudl be ready by a certain time and if it ws NOT ready, they'd give me a car to drive. I got there and there was no car ready and no car to drive. I had to rent one. I had a hissy-fit. I told them they should not promise something if they could nto back it up. The way i handled it ws i never bought another car from that dealer. I had bought three from them. I ahve bought 25 new cars from a different local dealer. So..their loss for being dishonest.

When a family member is dishonest with me...I let them know it is unacceptable.

My next most important boundary is what lildee said about allowing others to control and manipulate me. I did that for many many years. today I jsut don't do it. I handle my reactions to control much differently. I dont' cave in to the threats. If I say I am going to go shopping and he says..I will go se that movie you've been wanting to see. I say HAVE FUN. Maybe I'll go see it next weekend. If he trieds to make me feel guilty for being gone so long, I remind him that when I work i get paid and it allows us to have nice things and eat out more often. That usually shuts him up. lol

LIN

[caressa]

Boundaries have always been difficult for me. I tend to let them not only be stepped on but crossed over on too many occasions.

I have learned though that they can be extended on certain occasions and at other times they can be made tigher, more flexible, yet ever mindful for what is good for me.

I also have to remember to extend the same courtesy to others.

[dg]

I am the biggest guilable person for boundries when it comes to family and certain issues, but I have been finding myself putting my foot down more this past year than ever.
The other day was a perfect example, my dresser didn't get delivered the day it was suppose to, and the guy at the furniture store try to tell me that they would be unable to fullfill their promise to bring it to me until next week, I told him that it was unacceptable as I already threw out my old dresser and had stuff all over the bedroom, anyhow, after that coversation he changed the date for the following morning, PLUS a refund of my delivery charge . any other time before that I would have said oh, ok, that is how its going to be.
I find it nice to have a back bone that I never knew I could actually have until I was forced to step up to my boundry.
.......................
Lin,
if I had been able to come to the meeting, this would have been my share.
thought i would tell you that.
have a great meeting.

[majestyjo]

Boundaries are for me and my peace of mind. My son still ignores them. I keep putting them up, and he just steps over them. I get this card quite often in my meditations. This is something that my God and I have to work on daily as my son is still using and his disease has progressed.

[majestyjo]

That was then, this is now. My son is in recovery. I still need boundaries with him and others. They aren't about him, they are about me and my recovery.