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Post by caressa on Jan 11, 2013 4:21:25 GMT -5
Love this way of saying, "One is too many, a thousand is never enough." It is why I always said, "My drug of choice is more." I can remember being angry at a party with the new boyfriend, he wasn't giving me enough attention, I only had 4 drinks in an hour. I remember not feeling all that hungry, but once I took that first bite, I ended up inhaling the food and wondering where it went and what can I have for more. It wasn't just more food, alcohol, and drugs, but affection, attention, love (which I look for in all the wrong places), and I look for something to make me feel better, not recognizing it as a void, that needed to be filled with spiritual and healthy things. I didn't know it was a thinking disease and that I had to turn my thinking over to my Higher Power and ask for it to be changed. It was learning to say "No" and "Enough" and to look within to see what was causing me to have the hunger that at up my soul. Just for today, I will make healthy choices. I will remember that this is a Spiritual program and learn to feed my body, mind, and spirit with the food it needs to live and grow in healthy ways.
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Post by schell08 on Jan 28, 2013 22:37:16 GMT -5
I too love that one is never enough and a thousand is too many....I like that idea that I have a disease of MORE...doing my inventory for OA I saw how people didn't matter, conversation didn't matter....growing up we always ate dinner as a family...the 6 of us...I don't know if I was trying to win over approval from mom, as I was the oldest of four sibilings...they were always thin...something in my head used to say I will be healthy and strong if I eat more...(I felt so weak and worthless) so eat I did, I was the one that always had seconds and thirds, and dessert. My brother and sisters were more interested in conversation and getting done to go play more....for me the food was the main focus...my Dad said to me for quite some time..."shove , shove, cram, cram" he was talking about the way I would just shovel food into my mouth, so fast, I couldn't wait to have more..I was sometimes afraid the other dishes on the table would be gone before I emptied my plate so I ate very fast, with very poor table manners...at this point in my recovery in OA, I have a great fear of "going out to eat" or eating in front of anyone except my husband...I could get the binge by him so easily for so long, even the vomiting...he did catch on...when I was going out at night to the store because I was severely craving boxes of cookies....he would just shake his head, then watch me eat an entire box of cookies...cereal was a big binge food for me too...a whole box...he knew I would be purging...but I really, really tried every trick in the book to cover up the sounds...he knew...he just stopped saying anything....however, when I finally achieved some abstinence in OA, He noticed quickly that the cookie runs had stopped, the donut runs, etc. He has his own issues going on and just wants me to be healthy again. I am glad he does not comment on my food...that would make me nervous..but yes, no amount is ever, ever enough...one bite can and does lead to a binge for me...my mind says, well you messed up anyway..so now you need to just go the whole way and get rid of it...there are many foods that set me off, but as I said in another post, pretty quickly in OA I identified the foods, where one bite of them...well, its over...I go into that mental numbness, I call them "food blackouts" ...after a binge I really couldn't even tell you what I consummed...sure there will be boxes and bags...but though I may completely finish a whole box of cereal , say, I might not finish the whole bag or box of something else, as sometimes I will start eating something and change my mind and want something else that caught my eye...in other words I become completely involved with the food. OA for me, has been a lot of turning over, praying before I choose the food I will be eating, then doing a mini inventory after I eat to note any changes in my moods, emotions, body image etc. The food diary is really helping keep me honest and I can see right there in writing the time I ate, my feelings before eating, what I ate, and my feelings, mood, etc afterwards...a very useful tool for this food addict. Peace, Schell
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Post by caressa on Jan 29, 2013 1:47:19 GMT -5
Great share, good to see you here.
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jan 30, 2013 15:29:12 GMT -5
( ( ( ( Schell ) ) ) )
What a wonderful inspirational share! Keep coming back....
Peace on the journey, SG
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 11, 2015 1:58:49 GMT -5
This brought home a message tonight. I started eating tonight and didn't think I could eat all my dinner. I got thinking of just eating half and saving it for until tomorrow, which I see as a control thing, and something I find myself doing lately. When I only 'allow' myself so much, rather than cooking healthy portions and eating them. It isn't spontaneous, because I am not living, I am trying to control my life. It is my thinking that is the problem. I found myself buttering another slice of bread, the 3rd and starting to shovelling the creamed salmon into me to eat it all up, rather than not finish it. I told myself that I needed to eat it all and quit rationing my food and realizing I was playing mind games and got to about three sthingyfuls of food left in the bowl, couldn't eat another bite and had to throw it out. What it boils down to, I should have done what I was going to do, eat until I felt full and quit. If there are left overs, that is okay. I don't have to keep eating. I was going to cook broccoli but found myself not willing to put the effort into cooking it. I game myself a talking to, but put chives in with the salmon and told myself that was my green vegetable. If I had listened to myself, I would have had a portion of the creamed salmon left, I could have cooked broccoli tomorrow and reheated the salmon to go with it. It didn't matter that I had that extra slice of bread and ate more salmon, I had a muffin later any way, it wasn't about filling me up so I wouldn't eat more. As they say, "It isn't what you eat, it is what is eating you." It is also, some is good, more doesn't make it any better. Enough is enough! When I think more, it isn't enough.
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Post by caressa222 on Mar 14, 2021 3:22:11 GMT -5
zHospital meals haveed yo some control eating, which often leads me to the cafeteria to buy muffins and cookies, which is out of control eating.
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