Topic of the Week - Letting Go

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I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.

"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

For me it was always about control. What I call the "C" word because it is right there up with the word 'cancer' because it corrodes the soul.

Although I would blame others, I would have those whips out and would be beating up myself for being stupid, how could you do this, didn't you learn your lesson the last time, why are you continueing to do this to yourself?

The control is generally me trying to control the addict or my environment, me wanting things to go my way so I will have an outcome that is in my best interest because the great "ME" is at stake in the great scheme of things. Sounds pretty selfish and self-centered, especially for someone in recovery, and it is. That is why I have to work this program one day at a time, to obtain my emotional and mental sobriety as well as my physical and spiritual sobriety.

Everyone says, "I am in control of myself." No! I am not in control, unless I turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding. When I do that, I don't need to go there, into that sick way of thinking, and let my God lead and direct my life.

The past can be really sneaky because it can be attached to things in today and I need to cut the imbelical cord, but in order to do that, I have to see it. So many times, I have based things in today on past experiences, knowing full well, that in today, with my God's Good Orderly Direction, I do not have to go there in today. Which means, when I do, I am not walking in faith, I am not trusting my God, I am being selective as to what I think He can and will do, according to my will.

Letting go can often be as simple as a prayer and deep breathes in and out, which is a position of surrender, especially when you sit with both palms up, wiling to let go and receive, what your God has to give you and what you need taken away.

Remember recovery is a process, it doesn't happen overnight. It, what ever "it" is in your life in today, will always be there if we don't learn to let go!

With the letting go comes acceptance, the five As are a process. Aware I have a problem. Admit to my God, to myself and another human being that the problem exists and my acknowledging it, the process is put into motion. It can't go far without acceptance, and if my attitude isn't good, I am not going to be willing to take action. For me though, I often have to take action to change the attitude, which makes for a real spiritual awakening, and then I know, God and I are on the same page.

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Have found out, that a lot of it is now 'their' stuff and not mine. It is things that they need to address, and we don't have to continue 'paying' for our past. We don't pay it off in installments, especially to one person. We are either forgiven or we are not, when they don't forgive, then it is theirs to own if we make an honest amend. Honest amend, meaning working the program one day at a time, not just paying lip service, but trying to apply the principles to our lives and trying to be the best we can be in today. We can do no more.

It isn't an ongoing penance thing. That belongs in the church or at the martyr's shrine, we don't need to go there in recovery. Either recovery is, or it isn't, the same as, my God is or He isn't, I have to trust Him/Her to lead, guide and direct.

I don't need to diet and ration my God's Grace, it is applicable to all areas of my life, be it past, present, and/or the future.

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[caressa]

LET GO AND LET GOD!



There have been days when I haven't want to let go, but this is one day at a time program, and there have been days that have come up, that I got tired of hanging onto old stuff, and decided to let go.

A lot of it was me not liking me. I once heard, would you want to be your own best friend? Not sure if we can do something on a trial bases to see if we like it or not, just a thought that popped into my head. Will have to give it some thought.

At the moment, I think this is one of my biggest defects of character. I have withdrawn and not too social these days. It is an effort to get out the door after getting myself ready to go out. This is not the person who use to be, prior to recovery I was always trying to be the Belle of the Bar. Even in early country, I was Zone Sports Officer for 13 branches in the Legion and put on euchre, cribbage, bowling and dart tournaments. I got up and spoke to a roomful of 100 plus women. I worked on banquets and canvassed for several causes.

Today what helps me is coming here and sharing. I can not afford to isolate my spirit.

For many years I used other people to get out of myself. We can become addicted to service, especially when it takes us out of ourselves and prevents us from dealing with our own stuff. We become withdrawn from ourselves and instead of looking inward, we project outward and keep our focus on others, instead of letting go and letting God.

In the past the bottle, be it rye, pill or coca-cola was the Source I went to when I wanted to escape. In today, I go to my God, I know I can put my trust in Him/Her and walk in faith that all will turn out, if I put my life in His/Her Care, instead of running away.

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Let Go & Let God



Let Go & Let God
As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child" He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."

--Author Unknown

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Recovery is a process, I can remember being told to suit up and show up for the day and the rest will follow.

Everyone mentioned "God" and this is a spiritual program and I thought I knew, after all hadn't I been raised in religion for twenty-two years, who are they to tell me, I am a leading authority don't you know?

It didn't stop me from being an addict who became addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs, and to try out any other substance that came my way.

What I came to believe in was the program. I saw that it was doing for other than I had been trying to do for eight years before I got here. I tried quitting my way, and it didn't work. I couldn't STAY QUIT, they had laughter in their eyes, their eyes shone with a radiance I hadn't seen for a long time.

I thought they were laughing at me, when in fact they were laughing with me, because they had been were I was, and had been able to move on and find a new life for themselves.

Step One - I came to recovery and I kept coming so I didn't have to come back. Meetings, meetings and more meetings, and when I got tired of meetings, I went to more meetings. I ended up going because I wanted to not because I had to. I had a big fear that if I missed a meeting, I would relapse. That was changed into a faith that if I go to a meeting, I don't have to pick up today.

Step Two - I came to believe it would work for me and help me to remove the insanity in my life and bring my life into balance. It says I could not would return me to sanity, it is only through work and an honest desire to keep coming and a willingness to change.

Step Three - I came to believe the program would work for me. It is a spiritual program open to everyone who is willing to believe it will work for them. For me, I didn't find God, the God of my own understanding, until I worked the steps and found myself. When I got here, I wasn't capable of knowing, I only remembered what I was told to believe and had no understanding of what I believed in me, most of all myself.

When I made the decision, I made the decision to work the rest of the steps into my life, and they in turn would prevent me from going back to where I came from, and that I would grow in Love and in the Fellowship of the Spirit.

In today, I have maintained my religious beliefs. What I found was that God was so much bigger than I had ever been able to comprehend. Everywhere I went, He was there. I no longer had to keep Him in Church, He was as He revealed Himself to me on a daily basis.

When I surrendered in Step One and said, "My way doesn't work, I was empowered to do what I needed to do, one day at a time, to stay clean, to grow, and as I grew in consciousness, I became aware of the Good Orderly Direction in my life.

I am powerless over people, place and things, but I am empowered to change myself. When I let go and let God, then I am given what I need each day to stay clean and sober.

From my site JoAnne's Kitchen

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Many times we come to a place were we feel very alone and feel that God has forsaken us. We don't seem to be connected to God and we don't seem to be getting any direction.

I was in this place not too long ago, and I came to the realization that: 1) I wasn't hearing what I wanted to hear; 2) It wasn't time to move into a new direction because I hadn't completed and finished the feelings concerning where I had been and what I had done; and 3) I was still in the blame mode and not willing to take responsibility for my part.

A lot of what blocked me from God was my anger, and my inability to deal with the hurt, pain and rejection. Not only was their feelings in the present, but there were buried feelings that I hadn't dealt with and were in denial about.

When I am angry, I can't get to God and He can't get to me. Denial is a blanket which we often draw around us which prevents us from seeing and dealing with things until we come to a time where we are feeling like looking at and dealing with them, or the pain is so bad that we have to face the issue because staying where we are at is too painful and it is time to let go.

God doesn't go away, it is me who has detached or shut down so I can't hear His word.

I can't let go and let God if I don't acknowledge Him/Her. If I am not connected to my Higher Power, how can I let go if there is no channel open to let go or receive His/Her Good Orderly Direction.

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Insisting on the Best



We deserve the best life and love has to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life. We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it.

There is only one place to start, and that is right where we are, in our current circumstances. The place we begin is with us.

What hurts? What makes us angry? What are we whining and complaining about? Are we discounting how much a particular behaviour is hurting us? Are we making excuses for the other person, telling ourselves we're "too demanding"?

Are we reluctant, for a variety of reasons, especially fear, to tackle the issues in our relationships that may be hurting us? Do we know what's hurting us and do we know that we have a right to stop our pain, if we want to do that?

We can begin the journey from deprived to deserving. We can start it today. We can also be patient and gentle with ourselves as we travel in important increments from believing we deserve second best, to knowing in our hearts that we deserve the best, and taking responsibility for that.

Today, I will pay attention to how I allow people to treat me, and how I feel about that. I will also watch how I treat others. I will not overreact by taking their issues too personally and too seriously; I will not under react by denying that certain behaviours are inappropriate and not acceptable to me.

From: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

From my site JoAnne's Kitchen


This remind me that I need to take my Q-Tip with me. Quit taking It Personal and that often, it isn't mine to own. I am also reminded that this is a program of reflection and what comes back to me, be it positive or negative is a reflection from within myself. It takes one to know one.

I have to let it go, the world isn't all about me. In fact, most times, the other party isn't aware of me or thinks of me when the words and deeds are said and done.

I can't give up my power and allow them to rent space in my head. I am the one who gets hurt.

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Even after all these years, this is something I still have problems with, especially when it comes to people