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Post by caressa on Feb 21, 2013 1:59:09 GMT -5
From time to time, I will share my own personal awareness on a topic and the gift that has been given as a result of working my program. It is just my experience, strength and hope, and isn't meant to represent any one fellowship. It is my truth, not someone else's or my interruptation of what I heard or read.
From Alkie Speaks:
I realized I had a body which can't tolerate alcohol, which is OK. except that I had a mind that can't leave it alone. I'd always said that I could take it or leave it alone - I couldn't do either.
- Doug D.
Because I had a high tolerance for alcohol, I thought I wasn't an alcoholic. I labelled my dad and my ex-husband as alcohlics because they passed out, fell down, staggered, were violent, couldn't walk or drive a straight line. I once said to my dad, "You drove in that condition?" He had just come from his girlfriend's. He looked at me and said, "Well I certainly couldn't walk and proceeded to fall flat on his face and I had to help him to bed.
The reality was that I could match them drink for drink, drive them home, function and resented them for drinking all the booze, before they passed out. I wanted to party and there wasn't much for me. That is when I started hiding my booze. I couldn't have consumed all that liquor and been sober although I never saw myself as drunk. There was only a couple of times that I recall taking the stairs on my hands and knees.
When I saw myself in my dream, because I was wearing red high-heeled shoes and walking a straight line, I was sober. Then I saw myself in living colour and saw the person I changed into when I did drink. It wasn't what or how much I drank. It was what it did to me when I did drink it.
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Post by BW on Feb 21, 2013 16:08:20 GMT -5
For me, I have to remember sharing is in fact a 2 way street and I honor others by listening
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Post by caressa on Feb 22, 2013 3:08:59 GMT -5
That is true. I have found for the most part, most people don't want to hear.
My evening meditation cards:
"Enlightenment is seeing the unseen itself, and in this there is no seeing and no seer - only beginningness, endless calm."
ATISA DIPANKARA SHRIJNANA (980-1054)
"HE WHO DOES HIS DUTY IS TOLERANT LIKE THE EARTH, FIRM AS A PILLAR AND CLEAR AS A LAKE: NO FURTHER BIRTHS WILL BE IN STORE FOR SUCH A ONE.
DHAMMAPADA (1ST CENTURY BC)
"THERE IS ONLY ONE MOMENT IN TIME WHEN IT IS ESSENTIAL TO AWAKEN. THAT MOMENT IS NOW."
ATTRIBUTED TO THE BUDDHA (C.563BC-C.483BC)
"IF WE CAN BE WISE, AFTER LISTENING TO THE LAWS WE BECOME SERENE, LIKE A DEEP, SMOOTH, STILL LAKE."
DHAMMAPADFA (1ST CENTURY BC)
FROM: The Buddhist Prayer Deck
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Post by caressa on Feb 24, 2013 10:54:48 GMT -5
One of my favourite sayings and I have seen it happen so many times. I am grateful for the people who did the research for me so that I didn't have to go back out and discover for myself. Once I found what I wanted here, I stayed.
Quote: "Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book" - Book
If you fail to change the person you were when you came in, that person will take you out!
As the slogan says, "If nothing changes, nothing changes."
It makes me sad when I hear people say, I have been doing things this way for 10, 20, 30.... years and it has stood me in good stead, why should I change now. Why wouldn't you want to change it if it brought you to your bottom and you want to learn to live clean and sober?
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Post by caressa on Feb 26, 2013 0:52:03 GMT -5
So glad that this is a one day at a time program. The new awareness and experience along the way and the many blessing that have happened as a result of working the program.
One of the reasons I went back to school in 2001, was that I became aware that I was so involved in service, taking the newcomers in the group through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Traditions, that I was again, focusing on people, places, and things outside of myself, and not always looking at me and my issues. One of the things I did was go to an out-of-town meeting with a friend that I volunteered with at the jail. Her husband would come and pick me up, they lived in Dundas, just outside of the city and drive me to Burlington, which was another city, which was part of our cities for a meeting.
I need to be at a place where I wasn't giving and was in a meeting where I could top myself up. Giving is good, it is good to get out of Self, but when I exclude myself to look after others, it takes my life out of balance. Like in today, my son doesn't see me as working or doing anything when I am on the computer. As much as I tell him it is my lifeline, he chooses not to see it. That is not surprising considering the fact that he is still using, and he often uses me if I don't set up boundaries.
Putting someone else down to make myself feel better, isn't my idea of recovery and the kind of recovery I want for myself. I know I have health issues, many in fact, but the good news is I don't have to use in order to deal with them, unless my coming to the boards is an addiction. Truthfully, at one time it was. It wasn't so much the boards as the computer, and me again, getting out of self, and not looking at myself. The difference today, is that it is my only Source of Recovery contact. In the last 6 months I have not been to a f2f meeting. I can't go out in the night air, and with my cough, it is annoying to me, let alone the people around me.
I special thanks to those who I have met on this site who have send me private messages.
My spiritual adviser told me many years ago, "You have a message that people do not want to hear. Don't worry, it is their denial." I had to laugh when one guy said he doesn't read my posts. That is OK, I didn't post for him. I post for myself and my healing, with the hope that there is someone out there who is helped as a result of my sharing.
I know that I suffer from chronic pain, but when it flares up and I get several messages in a day, I know it is my emotions or something I am doing or thinking, which is causing the pain. What I really need to guard is taking on someone else's pain, especially when people don't want to help themselves, they project there stuff onto me.
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Post by caressa on Mar 4, 2013 11:04:52 GMT -5
The Rules For Being Human
Cherie Carter-Scott
1)You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of time around.
2)You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid.
3)There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation.
The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4)A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, you can them go on to the next lesson.
5)Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons.
If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6)"There" is no better than "here".
When you are "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".
7)Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8)What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9)Your answers lie inside you. The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10)YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS. How true! This was something I didn't want to allow myself. People repeatedly seemed to be saying, "Well you are only human you know!" That wasn't acceptable to me. I could not always be perfect and right but I felt that it was my job in recovery to be the best me I could be each day. I didn't always live up to my expectations and I learned not to beat myself up for falling short of who and what I wanted to be, and yet I felt better within me for having tried.
Before recovery, I didn't try. I had given up on life and I got to the stage where I was sick and tired of being tired and sick. I have been back there a few times since then and it is not a good place to be. Thank God for this program.
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Post by caressa on Mar 4, 2013 11:08:59 GMT -5
When I came through the doors of recovery, I wasn't too sure I was glad to be alive. For several long weeks it had been stop the world, I want to get off. It talks about being human, and I didn't feel very human or humane. When you live in a room in the YWCA there are not too many places around that look much better than here, when all the places are the same, except maybe neater or with more stuff. Which is what life is all about, we look a the surface and look at what we don't have rather than what we do have. Welcome to the journey of recovery. __________________
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 1, 2014 23:18:54 GMT -5
Posting tonight, because I am not sure I am thinking. I don't know if you are noticing a difference in my shares, but I am having troubles with lack of concentration, headaches, high blood pressures, and today, I have pressure points in my head, along my jaw which makes me think TMJ and along my sinuses. It is really strange. Each time I sit down at my computer I pray for the words needed and the clarity of mind to do what I need each time I post. Hopefully, what is coming across is the message of recovery. My experience, strength, and hope living clean and sober without the use of mind altering substances, one day at a time. There are many things going on in my life, and I am feeling very overwhelmed with not much space to live in like I am living in a very small space. I posting this a long time ago in 2010 and it seems to be appropriate in today: It may have been four years ago, but the dialogue is the same along with issues about housing and my health. Thanks for letting me share.
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 3, 2014 16:55:56 GMT -5
Sometimes, life just happens. I just got a call from my sister to inform me that my youngest niece just got married. I knew that she was planning to get married and that she had her house up for sale and that her and her boyfriend had bought a house together and were waiting for the closure. I vaguely remember her saying she was going to elope, but not sure exactly what was said, but didn't expect the result. My sister said her daughter came by her place on Thursday afternoon about 1 p.m. and asked her if she was free at 11 a.m. on Friday and did she want to attend her wedding. Done deal! I thought, gee there would have thought, how come I wasn't invited? I am her aunt! Humph! The reality was that I hadn't been around for most of her life. I really like the concept, instead of putting yourself into debt at the beginning of a marriage. It is hard enough that they have a new house to decorate, and a new life together, both have excellent jobs, and they will have a firm foundation on which to build there relationship on. We so often think we have to have more to impress. That is why we have the slogan, "Keep it Simple. Don't complicate things, don't do to please others, you can't please everyone, how about pleasing yourself.
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 4, 2014 1:12:32 GMT -5
One of the reasons I do what I do is the support of the woman who sent me the following. She is a spiritual adviser and travels around the southern states speaking and she is an artist of some renown. She painted me a picture when I was in early recovery and didn't know she was so well known. Dear Luv,
I have read through all that you have written. Because there is so much that I want to say, I will have to save this e-mail and come back to it. I hope that I will be able to do that tonight because everything gets shut down in this house tonight .... then I will not be able to write until....? But I want you to know that you mustn't change who you are ... but continue to grow and learn who you are. Those that do not understand or appreciate what you say and do is because you stir up something inside of them that they are not ready to confront. That is their problem my dear, not yours!!!! I have not joined other groups that you have had, but this one has great energy and I am guided to join. May I suggest that you do not spread yourself so thin as you have by having so many groups and devoting yourself to only two ... three the most. In doing so you will be able to receive as much as you give. LOL!!!!! I guess I had to go on and write what I had to write and not put it off!! LOL!!!!!!!! I must end now and finish my physical packing so that I can get on with my spiritual living.
LOL!!! I like that one myself!! LOL!!!!! See you on the net!!!! Always, Lordès
She is referring to my site "The Gathering of Eagles" which is no more. It makes me sad, but again it is all about acceptance. There are always more eagles.
Amazing and majestic bird of prey, the eagle is often desired as a totem. It holds strong medicine. The eagle soars high in the sky, yet will swoop down to the ground in a swift motion to capture a mouse from the forest or fish from the water. Because of this the eagle is considered a strong connection between earth and sky energies. The eagle has keen sight to be able to see his prey on the ground. As a totem the eagle also represents keen insight. The eagle is one of the first totem cards I picked when I got my Jamie Sams Medicine cards.
As they saying goes, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 4, 2014 22:19:08 GMT -5
Too sore and tired to check to see if this has already been shared, so going to share it any way. Originally posted on Recovery Inn You have heard me say many times about the twelve-step programs and dealing with addiction. Some people think that they don't have an addiction to a substance. Does it matter? Do I still need to complete a 12-step program? The 12 Steps are a way of life. They were a healing process that help me to deal with all areas of my life. The drug is but a symptom of my disease. The problem was always me and my perception and my feelings about life. Even if you have never used street or prescriptions drugs (my doctor was my dealer for year), or never drank alcohol or only had a few glasses of wine. Did you ever think of stopping those glasses of wine, and when you made the decision to quit, you couldn't or you got angry and resentful, telling yourself why should I? A friend of mine only smoked 3 cigarettes a day. To me that was nothing, when I was using, I smoked close to 3 packs a day. Yet she won't give up those 3 cigarettes, and the same happened with me, be it 3 or 3 packs, you are not willing to let go. I had no desire to quit. I had to pray for the willingness to be willing to quit. You can't scare an alcoholic or an addict. I had to come to a spiritual decision. I can't do this any more, I can't do it on my own, I need help. Even if you don't believe in God, religion, or yourself, the program will help you. I thought I knew who God was, by working the 12 Steps, I learned what my God meant to me, I had to make it a part of my spiritual journey in order to recover. It no longer is about take, take, and what is in it for me. It is about sharing, caring, and giving to others, what has been given to me along my journey. A journey is another 24 hours, just for today, I choose not to use, no matter what. Because I doubted my God, the group members where my Higher Power. A group of alcoholic and drug addicts, showing me a new way of life. It wasn't just what they said, it was more about what they didn't do. They didn't have to use in today. I went to meetings for the Divine Orderly Good that I needed each day and as I listened and heard others share, I got the Good Orderly Direction I needed, to stay clean and sober, just for today. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I qualify for just about any room in recovery you put me. When I learned to identify instead of compare, I could go to any meeting, whether I used that substance or not. I have never seen cocaine, crack, or meth, yet I went to a CA meeting and heard a girl share my story and she had one year clean. The Serenity Prayer was a great gift in recovery. God grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. I read yesterday, "We need that Serenity, first and fore most, and I could only find that through my God. Thanks for letting me share.
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 24, 2014 13:52:40 GMT -5
Sorry I have gotten behind in posting, not just in my day to day readings but on recovery material. Things are a bit slow, and concentration isn't so good. The mind is willing but the flesh is willing and I am struggling with myself, wanting to continue and not wanting to quit, which to me is failure to meet my responsibilities. I still haven't done yesterday's readings, and though they are available and not lost, the fact that they are late, means that someone is missing out. They are good any time, yet for me, each has a purpose, and they are good at any given time, they are especially good, on the day they are meant to be. Not sure that even makes sense, probably not, yet there is a sense that this is a one day at a time program, and a reading for today, is meant to be read today. So with that thought in mind, I am going to take a break, go down to the pharmacy and get the antibiotic that the doctor ordered for me. The nurse said if it doesn't help my nasal infection, then I need to call on Monday to get an appointment. The readings help me too. It helps me and helps me to get out of self by reading them. Just because I feel less than doesn`t mean I am less than. That is the old way of thinking, and it is progress not perfection.
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 24, 2014 17:26:13 GMT -5
my computer froze, so took it as a good sign, couldn't even log out of the site. I closed my computer off, put on a clean top, put on some warm socks, put my shoes on, brushed my hair, put on the coat and out the door I went. The bus came so I hopped it instead of walking downtown. I had a book to return to the library. As I walked by the express shelf, not one, but two of my favourite authors had new releases and I grabbed both. One had two copies, so I didn't feel too guilty as I am a fast reader when I set my mind to it. I only have one book due before they are due, three books in two weeks is nothing. Didn't see anyone I know, which is always a good indicator that I wasn't running away from home, and all I bought was a half dozen raisin bran muffins and walked home. I just felt the body needed the break and the exercise. The brain needed the cobwebs blown away, and here I am back with a clearer mind, with a much more vigorous mind set that I had before.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 3, 2014 23:56:23 GMT -5
Do you suffer from chronic pain? Have you applied the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to your Pain. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of our life. I am powerless over my pain, and yet when I surrender my pain over to the Universe and the God of my understanding, I get the help, the healing, and the good orderly direction I need to live each day, without the use of heavy narcotic. My life is unmanageable when managed by me. When I put my life into my God's Care, I am shown how to live in today, clean and sober free from the bondage of addiction. It wasn't the substance that was the issue. It was the thinking, behind the drinking and drugging. It was the trauma and the abuse that cause the pain below the scars that were not allowed to heal, which held all the body memories. I had to let go of the secrets. I had to quit hiding, bring them out of the darkness into the Light, so that I could become whole, no longer a broken and fragmented body, mind, and spirit. Not sure this is accessible to others for support of those with chronic pain, not just pain from the disease of addiction, but all types of pain, including arthritis. groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/thefiveAs/info
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 4, 2014 0:12:22 GMT -5
Sobriety is soundness of mind. I have to work on my soundness of mind daily. That means my emotional sobriety. I haven't had a drink in 23 years. That means I am sober. Do you have emotional hangovers from the day before? Do you lay your emotions to rest when you go to bed at night or do you pick them up when you get up in the morning? What do you do with your emotions? Do you acknowledge them? Do you ignore them? Perhaps you pick up a cigarette or decide you are hungry? Are you feeling comfortable being with yourself or are you feeling a little antsy? Do you need to pick up a book or turn the TV on? Do the normal programs no longer satisfy your mind and your normal routine not fill up your mind. Is something leaking into your mind that you don't want there that you are wanting to avoid? Just maybe you should look at it, perhaps it is a sign. Maybe your God is giving you a little nudge. I thought these sights were closed. I have been telling everyone they were. The format is changed, and I am not sure if I can respond to anythings posted here, but I felt led here tonight, so there must have been a very good reason. Love Always, Jo groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/...tions/messages
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 7, 2014 7:15:33 GMT -5
Never knew of an addict to be able to to use moderately. One is too many, a thousand isn't enough. You may have one today, but what about tomorrow. What about that time, when you have to NOT use, when it is imperative that you NOT use, when someone says you can't use, no matter what?
Can you use safely? Someone once said, "I don't think I have a problem, I am only a binge drinker. What does binge taste like?
Was never able to depend on the Self. I could stop, but couldn't stay stopped. Even seven years sober, in a mid-1800 renovated log cabin, on a 190 acre piece of land in God's country with a 600 ft water front on a lake, with lots of birds and animals, without meetings for a week, I started to watch the bubbles of the wine in my friend's glass of wine and I wanted to shout at her to hurry up and drink it before it got flat. I notices the seat on the outside of the bottle of wine, it was the same kind of wine that I use to drink, and I found myself wanting some, even though I was surrounded by God and all His wonder, beauty and power. I had never gone 10 days without a meeting of AA. I caught the bus and half way home, a girl I knew from NA got on the train as I got off and as I waited for the bus to take me the rest of the way home, a guy from the half way house, who came to my group was there and I got another hug. God gave me a newcomer to share with. I got home at 7 p.m., I had left at 7 a.m. and I was at a meeting at 8 p.m. and my body, mind and spirit, just soak up the energy at that meeting like a lost soul, totally starved, and I walked home refreshed, refuelled and replenished and vowed, never to allow myself to get so drained, ever again.
I had no literature, no computer, my boyfriend was 18 months sober, and not the spiritual source that I needed, and it wasn't his job to be although he said, "I had him and he should be enough."
I just know that seeing humming birds, feeding squirrels and chipmunks, swimming in the lake, not having to cook, swimming, sunbathing, being spoiled and being treated like a queen bee for 10 days, just didn't cut it, I needed a meeting.
I am not saying I would have picked up a drink. Yet the drinking and the old thoughts agitation, disruptive, and lack of peace and serenity were not there, drinking is not an option, for me to drink is to die. Yet I would have set myself up to pop a few pills, use food to stuff my feelings, or got caught up in busy to to fill up my hours and take me out of myself, and I would be back, "using people, places, and things, even if I wasn't drinking."
Thanks for letting me share.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 11, 2014 23:02:11 GMT -5
A good thing to read at the moment. I had a good day, and now I am hurting. Last night my feet hurt a lot too, and now I know why. It is raining. How easy it is to forget. It is simple. Acceptance is the key. The weather lets me know it is on the way. It is suppose to snow, even though it was in the 60s today.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 11, 2014 23:06:22 GMT -5
This is from another site, but I am sure it is an old post here too, but not sure where. This reminds me of a story I heard many years ago in recovery. It was on the old site, but don't think I posted it on the new. I don't have it to copy, so hopefully I can remember it. An old person, down in his/her luck, walked into what looked like an abandon's building. Downstairs, he found a room full of manure, and thought with all this chit around here, there must be something buried in here. Maybe there even may be a pony, so he got down on his knees, went through it all with his hands and could find nothing. He kept trying can't believing that there wasn't something there, it couldn't be all waste. He got up and left the room. He saw some stone steps, and their were twelve of them. So he climbed the stairs and came to this room that was filled with Light, and in the room there were gifts of all shapes and sizes, all wrapped up in silver and gold. He said, "Is there anyone here?" The voice answered and told him to come in. The voice says, they are gifts that people rejected because they were not willing to climb the 12 Steps. They are yours if you are willing to accept them. If you don't want them, because you don't think you are worthy, you can go back down the steps, be careful that you don't fall, and go back to the other room and play in all the chit that is there. There are many gifts and blessing in recovery. Are we willing to use the Steps in order to receive them or do we prefer to rummage around in our own chit or that of others, without asking for help, not willing to do the work to achieve this priceless gift of recovery.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 16, 2014 3:19:57 GMT -5
It says drink here, yet for me, I can substitute lots of words in here which can take me onto a road of insanity and pain.
i.e. Unhealthy food, unhealthy and abusive relationships, addicting drugs, addicting computer habits, excessive work and exercise habits, gambling (for me it was Nevada Tickets), shopping, and the list goes on....
Posted at The Five As on March 4, 2005
When I envision this, I recalled how in the past, I would look at something and be surprised and how things developed and got out of control. It was "What happened? Who, why, how did that? Where did that come from?"
We see something, especially the unknown, and we allow fear to come in because we remember incidents from our past. We need to remember, if our God brought it to us, He/She will see us through it. We need to be open to change. I know I sure had to change my old thinking and my perception of it.
Each day I am grateful for this program, the tools and the gifts I have been given as a result of living it one day at a time.
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 16, 2014 19:57:20 GMT -5
Didn't know this was a senior malady, seems like I had it all of my life. I was put on Valium at 16. I was teaching Sunday School back in those days, dedicated my life to God at 18 and walking very close to God, and life hadn't really begun for me. I didn't leave home until I was 17, didn't get married until I was 21, didn't have my child until I was 24. They said I had a nervous disorder, because I was having severe pains in my stomach and head aches. They couldn't find a cause. They didn't know about the disease of alcoholism. I firmly believe it was the fact that at the age of 14 I was baptized and took part in communion on Sunday mornings, and my body was allergic to the alcohol and wanting more. They used real wine at my church. I can remember trying to take a gulp and trying to make it look like a sip. There was no alcohol in our home. We lived on a farm, three miles away from the highway. I travelled by bus to school, no time or way to get alcohol and the only contact I had was once going out with the girls at work when I was 18 and having a Planter's Punch at a luncheon (forgot about that until recently) and not having any more until I was newly wed and our landlady toasted our marriage with a glass of apricot brandy (horrible stuff). Yet it all stands to reason, that time at 10 years old, when I stole that few inches of communion wine, 1-2" at the bottom of a goblet, that wonderful feeling that stayed with me for the rest of my life, when that wine hit the bottom of my stomach that spoke to me and said "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh", was my disease awakened, never to be put back to sleep again until I was 49 years old. Only through going to my God daily, does that relief come.
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