Self Love and Self Care

[SunnyGirl]

"Learn to give from my overflow rather that from my reserve.
This is self care, we learn to let go of burdens we were never
meant to carry. Learn to ask, “What is the best thing for me?”
--Al-Anon literature (?)

Learning to put my needs first is a continual battle....
Loving myself enough to step up and take what I need
before giving it away to my loved ones is still difficult
at times. And when I do pamper myself I feel guilty!

I'm learning I am worth it and I do deserve to treat myself
with kindness.... I won't feel guilty when I purchase something
I'd like to have or make that decision to go to the hair salon
and have my hair cut and styled. I have never been what I
call, "high maintenance" and I don't accept people treating me
as their dumping ground. Verbal abuse is every bit as hurtful
as physical abuse and it can be very difficult for me to not
respond to it. I don't tolerate it from my loved ones and I
refuse to accept it from others!

Do you love yourself enough to speak up when others are
being hurtful? Please share your thoughts on Self-love and
taking care of yourself......

Peace on the journey, SG

[Lin]

The last question hithome to me. I can't tell you how many yearas it took me to speak up when others were being hurtful. Then I started to gradually do it. One incident really leaps out in my memory.
A lady who used to go to Hardees every day made a comment to me once. I was saying how I dont tolerate pain at al and even ask for happy gas to have my teeth cleaned. She said it it s good thing you never had a baby.

That was a sore spot with me. I wantd to have a baby for years and years and never was able to complete a pregnancy. That hurt. I told her it did and she got really upset and looked at me and talked to me like I was an idiot. We both jsut left and didn't talk about it again. But at least I told her she had hurt my feelings.

LIN

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks for sharing Lin, it sounds the the woman you
were talking to failed to put her brain in gear before
she opened her mouth.

I've seen situations like this come up far to often......
with myself and others around me. I'm learning to slow
it down and realize I need to respond, not attack. Love
the saying, "say what you mean, mean what you say,
but don't say it mean"....

I am no body's door mat and I don't deserve to be treated
that way. I have no control over what other people say
or do, but I do have control over my reaction to it. I can
say my peace and walk away or I can turn the situation into
something worse. I just don't want to walk away with regrets!

I think it's Dr. Phil that said, "You teach people how to treat you"
and I agree with him. I don't have to accept the unacceptable!!!!!

Hugs, SG

[caressa]

You have a favorite slogan that says, "How Important Is It?" We seem to have different ideas on recovery, but then you are not a recovering alcoholic and I get the impression you don't consider yourself an addict, so perhaps we are coming from different pages.

My primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery, no matter what fellowship I go to, I qualify for most of them.

For many years, I was told to shut up, you can do this, and I was continually put down all my life for not doing what other people thought I should be doing. Even my son says, "Well, that's my mother." He also said, "Mom I sometimes wish you could be a normal mother." That hurt, because I am me and through this program, I am changing and not that narrow minded, self-centered person I use to be.

There can be way too much focus on looking after self, I did that for a while and found out I was spoiling myself rotten. If it is all about me and nothing to do with others, I am still acting out in my disease.

You are right, you need to top yourself up and only give away the overflow, but you are suppose to give it away. For me, just sharing my day, is not recovery talk. It is good to share with friends, but it is also giving thanks for what allows you to live the life you do in today. Giving credit where credit is do, celebrating recovery, and I tried to do that with pictures and trying to make recovery fun and exciting enough for others to come back and want more.

Recovery isn't boring, but we can become such bores.

Posting here without pictures makes me feel that something is missing, a part of me is missinhg and I can't express the real me and be me.

This site has always helped me to deal with my chronic pain and lately, it has been giving me one big pain. What ever happened to freedom of speech, I thought it was an American thing, I guess I don't qualify as a Canadian.

I can't post too much, if no one else posts, then all you will see is my name. I can't copy and paste, yet it is okay for others to copy quotes and readings, but not me. I can't put on pictures, yet so often the words come from the pictures. The pictures inspire me, when no one else is posting, then I need to have the inspiration and connection to something or someone. I see a post or a picture and I am given a thought. My "Have A Great Day" posts were not quotes and someone else's words, they were word given to me by my God.

Rationalization and justification are not recovery tools and yet it seems like every time I post here I have to explain myself and it is not OK to be me.

My sponsor has told me several times to quit the site and practice self-care by not coming here. I see the visitor and guests to the site, and I am drawn to post something for when they come instead of just having old news to read. There is a lot of old recovery that is good, but this program is one day at a time, not what I use to say and do, it is about what am I doing for my recovery in today. My recovery is my self-care, without it, I have nothing.

[BW]

"Honesty without love is brutality"

Something I heard early on in recovery and it stuck in my heart...I have learned ...

...the book refers to rigerous honesty...not brutal honesty

this means I can come from a loving gentle place both with myself and with others

Rationalization, justification, stinkin thinking and delusion are things that come from that space between my ears...a very dangerous neighborhood for me to venture into alone...however when I share from my heart where truth and love live then I am sharing with honesty

[schell08]

Hello to all! "Our primary purposes is to is to stay sober, abstinent, clean, etc...and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety"
The title of this section is self love and self care...when I came into AA and then OA, I hated who I was...however.. I never honestly shared these feelings of hatred, and anger turned inward which for me is depression....Yes, recovery from any addiction requires a loving honesty...I am only beginning to learn about being honest with my feelings in OA....Yes, I have been sober in AA for several years, but was still numbing myself with food...I did not like to practice ANY self love or self Care...I mean, why should I ? Who cared, not me....it is a very deep, sometimes hurtful process to love myself..I have to do something for recovery every day...I don't want to hurt myself with the diseases of addiction ....my OA sponsor suggested once when I was in a bad spot to do something just for me...I took a nice bath, exfoliated,used nice smelling stuff...I was gentle with myself...it did feel good. I still tend to run around helping others way too much...its actually what brought me down last time...well ego and pride...the thinking of my diseases that I knew everything, what to do, left my HP and sponsor way far away...it had to be my way...I lost the self care of RECOVERY in others chaos, as many service positions as I could get....today recovery comes first...though I do go through periods where the days fly as I am driving others around who can't drive...it is progress not perfection!

Anyway , I like to say each day as I begin...that I may treat others the way I would like to be treated, honestly, with kindness, and love. This "motto" started coming into my life last year...and has brought amazing results in my daily life...it has also brought more of a positive outlook on my life..one I never had before....didn't realize that this was self care! But it must be, because my attitude gets more positive...

I pray that this continues to be a site of recovery, honesty, insight and sharing from the heart for all...I got the feeling of some chaotic things going on here from what was said above...just thought, weren't our lives dishonest, selfish and chaotic enough when we were out there boozing, using and hurting those all around.

God , grant me the serenity to ACCEPT those things I CANNOT change, the COURAGE to change those things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference" To me this can me accepting others rather than trying to manage and control...(I had to turn controlling and trying to manage my husbands life) as what he was doing was making me so angry inside ...Controlling ...it never worked but I kept trying hurt my recovery and peace of mind...I cannot change another person, I can accept them and respect them for the things they do do from an honest , loving place... My sponsor told me to let him go, turn his actions over...I would do this every day, until I suddenly realized I was free from anger and resentment! This program works when we work it on a daily basis...We all have just today to be free of resentment , anger and hurtful words and actions...just for today, I will live in recovery, try to do something loving for myself....you all get the picture...Thanks, for listening , sorry so long winded.....I wish you all peace and serenity....Schell

[SunnyGirl]

Mar 4, 2013 17:17:41 GMT -5 schell08 said:

I pray that this continues to be a site of recovery, honesty,
insight and sharing from the heart for all...I got the feeling of
some chaotic things going on here from what was said above...
just thought, weren't our lives dishonest, selfish and chaotic
enough when we were out there boozing, using and hurting
those all around. ....Schell

Thank you for sharing Schell, I couldn't agree more!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

Today`s reading for The Language of Letting Go:

eor.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=spuds&action=display&thread=13490

I will no longer be posting the Topic of the week. You started it SG and passed it onto me, now I am giving it back.

My health issues won`t allow me to sit so long at the computer. I am hoping to get some answers from my doctor, but if things continue the way they have been the last two day, I may end up in ER. So if you don`t see me, you will know why I am not posting. The pains in my chest and arms are getting worse and it is difficult to sit and type. When I sit at the computer, the feet swell up, they have been good lately, but have gone back to the old ways. When the pain is too bad to think through it, I will not post seeing as I post too much when I go to old posts, so will go to another site when needed.

[majestyjo]

Well I did come back and all but Lin went away.

It isn't always easy to post a picture, but try to add one when I can.

Have started editing the site, so hope people will continue to come.