Hello

[keansjoy]

Can somebody tell me when is the right time to let go? I know he lies and i have caught him in so many lies. My husband claims he loves me but I'm so confused. Please help me the drugs are destroying him and he has broken me down to the point of complete weakness

[BW]

Hi Keansjoy

Welcome to EOR and to the journey

I am not sure any other person can truly tell you when it is the right time to let go...The right time is the right time and only you can make that desicion...Your heart will tell you when that time is for you Do you want to be happy joyous and free? Do you want to be at peace? Do you want the struggle to end?

On this journey of recovery we learn that we cannot change other people places or things and within that discovery we learn to go within to our heart of hearts and discover the power that is within us to discover our truths and hidden desires. Yes we do learn to let go but that time is different for each of us and the process of letting go and to whom or what we let go is different for each of us as well.

For me it was surrender to a power greater than myself. Some let go completely, Some a little at a time, little pieces at a time. What I hear you asking about is a relationship where drugs are involved. That is a tuff one to deal with.

Are you safe? Do you have a network of individuals you can trust and rely on if the situation becomes unsafe. These are important things to concider as it is important that you take care of you thru this. And important to concider when making this tuff desicion.

Know that we are here for you and willing to encourage you and support you

Peace on the journey

[SunnyGirl]

Hello and Welcome Keansjoy....

It breaks my heart to see what destructive power drugs and
alcohol can have over our addicted loved ones. In my case
it's not my husband that is addicted it was my daughter and
son and divorce isn't even an option with your children.

I have to agree 100% with what BW said to you about hanging
on or letting go! I've never walked in your shoes and you are
the only one that can make the final decision. All I can do is
share my experience..... what's given me the strength to keep
going, and most of all my hope for a better tomorrow.

When my daughter was shooting meth, she would lie, steal and
do what ever it took to get the drugs she needed. I stood by her
for many years and did what ever I could to "help".... I paid her
rent, I watch her kids, I gave her money for food (which went for
drugs). Nothing I did was enough.... Not know what to do, I got
on the computer to do some research and see how I could best
help her out of the mess she was in. To my amazement, I learned
that my biggest problem was ME!

I learned all I could about Nar-Anon and Alanon (both are 12-step
recovery groups). Chances are they have meetings near you...
I can tell you that there are a lot of people facing the same question
you asked here... "When is the right time to let go?" Many learn
to put the focus on themselves and allow their addicted loved one
face their own consequences. Others choose to leave.... In the
end, it will take a lot of prayer and support!

On a happier note, today my daughter is no longer shooting drugs
and has a semi happy, normal life. My youngest son is an active
alcoholic and he knows not to ask for bail money or hand outs.
He's a wonderful kid but when he drinks I don't want to be around
him.

Drugs and alcohol are both very good removers....stain removers...
money removers.... family removers... marriage removers and
so much more....

( ( ( ( Keansjoy ) ) ) ) take care of yourself and stop by anytime,
we've always got time to listen. I can share what worked for
me, but you've not lived my journey! You take care of you and
stop by anytime!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[Lin]

Welcome to EOR Keens JOY. the two other posts said it well. It's up to you to decide when you have had enough. Perhaps I am the one who may say things different than most. For me I knew there was a really good man deep down inside and I wanted to hang around to wait for him to be there. I now have nearly 45 years married. I found alanon 20 years ago. He was an alcoholic when I met him and I didn't see the signs. Today I am happy I waited it out. For the most part he is sober. My reasoning is that I didn't want to fail at a marriage and give my family the opportunity to say WE TOLD YOU SO! But one thing very different from my story and most is we didn't have kids. I totally think my decision would have been different if I had children. Kids deserve to have at least one healthy parent in their lives each day. They don't deserve to see a man treat a woman like dirt. They could grow up to think that's how to treat women. The fact you said he has beaten your down really reminded me of myself when I came to alanon. I do hope you will seek out a local meeting and start going. It saved my sanity and even saved my marriage.

It's so hard to watch a loved one destroy themselves with drugs and alcohol. We just want to save them and it's very frustration to se the drugs win.

BW said something very important. Be sure you are SAFE. If you have kids be sure they are SAFE.

Hang in there and keep coming back!

LIN

[monty]

When I recovered from alcoholism, I asked my wife how I was as a husband and a father and it broke my heart knowing I was hurting them though it was in the past. I know its hard to keep keep believing it's going to be alright but if you really want him to change, help him, ask help from your relatives or if its really serious seek medical help from professionals.

[majestyjo]

Thanks for sharing. I had to go to AA for my denial, to NA for identification, I knew I was an addict, not only because of my prescription drug addiction, but because of my thinking. My drug of choice was always more. I went to Al-Anon to find myself. My pain start in my childhood, had the fears and feelings, long before I picked up for myself.

It is a family disease. So often guilt and shame keep us out or takes us back out time and again, but this is a healing and a forgiving program.

[monty]

Thank you for sharing your story majestyjo. I hope all is well with you and with others in the forum who hoped and believe they can recover from anything that is keeping them from being the person they wanted to be. My thoughts go to them