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Post by Lin on Jul 16, 2013 8:00:06 GMT -5
I noticed this was one of the laundry list characteristics. I had it..that's for sure. I was not encouraged as a kid and therefore I sought to have approval. Sometimes it was by volunteering to do things I really didn't want to do or have time to do just so people would like me.
Last year they only called me once to sub at school. We had an Evansville doctor appointment that day and I had to turn it down. So she never called the rest of the year. It made me wonder. Do they not like me anymore? after 41 years of service there??? Today I tried to go by to volunteer for the first three days of school to do parking lot duty in the mornings. Nobody was there. Perhaps it is registrations day...not sure. And I am wondering now...is it a sign I don't need to volunteer? Or is it me just wanting approval? I THOUGHT it was me missing the kids and the teachers and not having a purpose.
Gonna have to pray about this one for sure.
Do you seek approval???
LIN
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Post by BW on Jul 16, 2013 13:08:17 GMT -5
Do you seek approval???
Great question and several things come to mind
Let me preface these thoughts first with..This is only my experience...on this journey of recovery
For me I think we all at some time or another seek approval and often it is out of lonliness and from my inventory in step 4 it was part of my EGO..which as I understand it is Edging God Out...I was reading in the Bible in John 12 : 43 "For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God".
For me, this says it all...I sought approval of other people more than I sought the approval and pleasure of God. I recall in early recovery sitting in a meeting where there was a poster on the wall and I can still see that poster in my mind today becasue it made such an impact on me. I cannot tell you what that meeting was about becasue that poster came to life and spoke to my heart. It said..."Stand up for what you believe in even if you stand alone."
This journey of recovery has helped me NOT to become a clone of what others have done before me or those that trudge along beside me but rather to uncover and discover my own beliefs, my own identity, my own relationship with God. When I got rid of all the old ideas, disclosed all the old secrets that kept me sick, I found out I was not just a daughter, a significant other, a sister, a friend etc, etc...I discovered I was a precious child of God.
Our Big Book says "We never have to apologize for God" yet we do not have to be a doormat either
That tells me I have this wonderful intimate realtionship with God and in my heart of hearts I know that is the only approval I truly need...Do I always remember that...No...there are still times that others can still manipulate me and I still think with my broken thunker that I want or need thier approval but when I sit still with God and do my prayers and meditations God reminds me He alone is my everything and my ALL. And I get to be reminded again and again that it is spiritual progress and not perfection as We trudge this road of Happy Destiny
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Post by Lin on Jul 16, 2013 17:58:05 GMT -5
WOW BW! Well said! LOved what that poster said!
LIN
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Post by BW on Jul 17, 2013 12:55:46 GMT -5
Was thinking as I went to bed last night that I didn't finish my thunk
the other thing that came to my mind was the understanding I have about the first tradition and the word UNITY
There are many who have the misconception the word UNITY means to conform to the group. That is not what it means. As it was explained to me...to conform would be in essense approval seeking or going with the flow...Unity means I get to learn how to agree to disagree and I get ot learn how to do so with RESPECT.
The proof of this is further explained or demonstrated as we move on into Tradition 2..
"For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority-a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern."
What this means for me is that I [and hopefully each individual in the business meeting or group] pause and ask for His direction or guidance to do the next right thing. I personally combine this with the surrender of my ego and selfishness etc....
In loving service to the one who presides over us all
I flutter on
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Post by SunnyGirl on Jul 17, 2013 13:44:48 GMT -5
Great topic Lin, wonderful honest shares from
both of you.....
Approval seeking isn't something I worry to much
about.... I try to be a happy person and share a
smile when ever I can. I also try to do the right
thing and with that I do think God is pleased. He
lays out a plan and if I follow it He smiles down
on me. When I fall by the wayside I also think it
makes Him sad. But for people, if they look down
on me and think I am "less than", that's their problem!
Love the saying: "what other people think of me is
none of my business".
When I was working, I tried to be a good employee
and follow the rules. What my boss thought of me
reflected on my job, not me! When I've done the best
I can that is all anyone can expect....
As long as I can go to bed at night and not carry
feelings of guilt for something I might have said or
done, I'm OK with me. I try not to hurt peoples
feelings and if I do, it's shame on me and I try to
do better tomorrow. But, I definitely don't need
assurances from others to tell me I am approved of,
I like me just fine!
Peace on the journey, SG
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Post by majestyjo on Jan 2, 2015 20:40:37 GMT -5
This seemed to be my whole reason for being and what tore me apart. I was so fragmented when I got into recovery. I tried to please everyone, and there wasn't enough 'me' to go around. Every time I picked up, whether it was alcohol, pills, or got into a relationship looking for that approval, I lost a piece of me.
I was always going outside of myself for the validation and approval because I could never seem to find it within myself. There was always something lacking and left wanting and a lot of it stemmed from old tapes, not just listening and remembering them, but playing them over and over again.
It was good to find recovery and learn that I could make new ones. It was even better to find that I could press erase instead of rewind and play over the old tapes, ever mindful, that it was me that had the freedom of choice as to whether I pushed the fast forward or replay buttons.
I don't want to look like this any more. I want to be whole and complete within myself.
Again, I was using people, places and things to make me feel better instead of looking to the God of my understanding, and making things right with my God and through my God, finding the goodness within myself.
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Post by majestyjo on Jan 31, 2021 2:20:57 GMT -5
Do you seek approval and validation? Some good words here that can help you on your recovery journey
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.