Post by Caressa2 on Jan 6, 2004 23:53:26 GMT -5
Since I started going to NA twelve years ago, I have repeatedly come across people who think that just because I was addicted to prescription pills, and didn't do "street" drugs, I am not a 'real' addict.
Several times over the years I have heard people say "I am a 'real' alcoholic. Well prescription drugs where dried up alcohol for me. I didn't have blackouts with alcohol, but I did with pills. I didn't like all kinds of alcohol, but I sure liked all kinds of pills.
When I quit smoking, I tried Zyban. I took a pill and waited for the 'craving' to disappear. I didn't read the instructions, I thought I knew! The Ms. Know It All Addict thought she knew what she was doing. It ended up I was allowed to take the pills for five days and smoke too. I quit smoking and took the pills expecting the instant fix! When I finally read the instructions, it gave me permission to smoke, and I tried it their way and all the pill did was make the cigarettes taste bad, so I quit the pills and the cigarettes.
Since I have been going through the problem with doctors and having to deal with pain with no medication, it has been so difficult to 'take as prescribed' the meds I am allowed. I had not been to a meeting for three weeks because of pain, life and the holidays. I found myself cussing, totally addicted to my computer games, and not posting on my sites or here. I had nothing to give!
I went to CA on Friday night for a three and a four year anniversary, and then to my friend's five year anniversary on Saturday in AA, and if I hadn't felt in so much pain, drained of energy and so tired, I would have done NA on Sunday. Then I got word that my Aunt who is 81 had a stroke. I thought of her Sunday, was near her building and 3 p.m. and she had the stroke at 4 p.m. I had a lot of guilt because I didn't follow the thought and go see her, although I know I was powerless over stopping her stroke. What I have been beating myself up for was the fact that I didn't listen to myself. I have spent years learning to listend to that inner voice, what I call my Higher Self, and I didn't follow through on it. Perhaps I wasn't meant to, and it happened as it should, but I have also found it happening in little things, like at my bridge club tonight.
It has been a big lesson, and I know that for me, sometimes "thought" can mess me up. Being an Aires, it isn't always good to intellectualize everything, and it is difficult for me to "Let Go" and trust that God is doing His part, without me having my fingers in the pie!!!!
In the telling of this, I am starting to smile and have a chuckle, it sure helps to put it into words.
My apology for the rambling, but as you can see, it needed to come out!
Several times over the years I have heard people say "I am a 'real' alcoholic. Well prescription drugs where dried up alcohol for me. I didn't have blackouts with alcohol, but I did with pills. I didn't like all kinds of alcohol, but I sure liked all kinds of pills.
When I quit smoking, I tried Zyban. I took a pill and waited for the 'craving' to disappear. I didn't read the instructions, I thought I knew! The Ms. Know It All Addict thought she knew what she was doing. It ended up I was allowed to take the pills for five days and smoke too. I quit smoking and took the pills expecting the instant fix! When I finally read the instructions, it gave me permission to smoke, and I tried it their way and all the pill did was make the cigarettes taste bad, so I quit the pills and the cigarettes.
Since I have been going through the problem with doctors and having to deal with pain with no medication, it has been so difficult to 'take as prescribed' the meds I am allowed. I had not been to a meeting for three weeks because of pain, life and the holidays. I found myself cussing, totally addicted to my computer games, and not posting on my sites or here. I had nothing to give!
I went to CA on Friday night for a three and a four year anniversary, and then to my friend's five year anniversary on Saturday in AA, and if I hadn't felt in so much pain, drained of energy and so tired, I would have done NA on Sunday. Then I got word that my Aunt who is 81 had a stroke. I thought of her Sunday, was near her building and 3 p.m. and she had the stroke at 4 p.m. I had a lot of guilt because I didn't follow the thought and go see her, although I know I was powerless over stopping her stroke. What I have been beating myself up for was the fact that I didn't listen to myself. I have spent years learning to listend to that inner voice, what I call my Higher Self, and I didn't follow through on it. Perhaps I wasn't meant to, and it happened as it should, but I have also found it happening in little things, like at my bridge club tonight.
It has been a big lesson, and I know that for me, sometimes "thought" can mess me up. Being an Aires, it isn't always good to intellectualize everything, and it is difficult for me to "Let Go" and trust that God is doing His part, without me having my fingers in the pie!!!!
In the telling of this, I am starting to smile and have a chuckle, it sure helps to put it into words.
My apology for the rambling, but as you can see, it needed to come out!
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.