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Post by gettinthru on Oct 17, 2013 21:00:27 GMT -5
Hi! Super new here, to most things. Ten hours out of leaving my (dry drunk?) fiancee. He is one year with no drinking but does not attend meetings/read the book/follow his steps at all. He feels he doesn't need them. And now he feels as though he doesn't need me--left the option to leave up to me and i took it. YUCK! YUUUUCK! i guess i just wanted someone to say something that would make it seem less....catastrophic. I put my big girl pants on and left, now i feel like $h1t and heartbroken. thanks in advance.
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Post by BW on Oct 18, 2013 16:38:39 GMT -5
Hi gettinthru
Glad to have you here..Welcome to EOR and to the journey
Have you given some thought to Al A Non? Tho you may not be in a relationship at present matters not.. The fact is you qualify becasue you had been . It is a spiritual program that can give you some tools to deal with the ups and downs that life gives us things like boundaries and balance and a place to dump those things we do not need to carry around in our hearts and mind. Folks to share our expereinces with and folks that have been where we are that can sahre with you what they have learned along the way that might work for you.
There are meetings to attend and social gatherings and fun activites and get togethers where you can meet others going thru similar cicumstances
I do hope you come back here often and share with us as well
Here or in face to face meetings we share the language of the heart
Peace on the journey
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Post by Lin on Oct 21, 2013 8:27:33 GMT -5
I missed this earlier. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Living with a dry drunk is not pleasant. In my house it led to drinking again because he thought he didn't need the meetings any more. So walking away may have been healthier for you than you are feeling right now. I know it's hard to leave a fiancée. It would be hard for me to leave a husband, and I chose to stay.
My suggestion...if you have not aready done it is to find a local alanon group and start going. Once I learned more about the disease and how I was not to blame and it was not up to me to change another person...I started to live a much happier life..even if he drank.
Best of luck to you and do please comeback soon! LIN
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Post by gettinthru on Oct 23, 2013 8:34:54 GMT -5
Hi Again, thanks LIN and BW for kind replies. I am still in the shock phase and kind of can't get out of my own way. Going to a meeting feels like too much for me right now so I am going to one-on-one counseling this coming week. I am in a bad place and can't seem to see any silver lining yet. Thanks again
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Post by BW on Oct 23, 2013 10:19:52 GMT -5
Thank you for checking in gettinthru..Counseling sounds like a great way to get the help & healing you need right now. When you are stronger and ready meetings will be there and we will be here too. I do hope you will continue to check in here from time to time and let us know how you are doin.
Peace on the journey
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Post by gettinthru on Oct 27, 2013 21:22:22 GMT -5
keeping on this is one heck of an ugly ride. I cannot wait until i dont feel so awful inside and my heart stops pounding. So codependency is something else, huh? Holy smokes.
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Post by BW on Oct 28, 2013 11:48:07 GMT -5
Hi gettinthru
Yes codependency is something else.. it is kind a like a smoke screen...I told myself it was love but in reality I was playing a game of "peace at any price" and keeping both myself and the other person very sick. I thought if I loved them enuf they would change, if they loved me enuf they would change and many other rationalizations.
What is real right now is --it is time for you to heal. You cannot change the past. And the past does not have to dictate your future.
Peace on the journey my friend
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Post by Lin on Jan 1, 2014 10:51:47 GMT -5
An ugly ride... I agree. Never heard that analogy before but it is so true.
The one I relate to is a tornado. We have had tornadoes here a few times and they roar throu and leave everything in their path as devastation. Living with an active or even a dry drunk alsoholic can do that to those in the path.
The thing that helped me the mnost is attending face to face alanon meetings. By listing to those who have been thre and done that I learned I was not alone. Ileqarned that it's not my fault and I can use their tools to make my own life happier...regardles of the choices of others.
Had not heard from you in a while. Hope you are doing well.
LIN
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Post by majestyjo on Nov 11, 2019 2:32:28 GMT -5
Read the Preface to the booking Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. I didn't have a CODA meeting near me.
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Post by caressa222 on Jun 6, 2020 4:03:22 GMT -5
Better to detach because we love.. love has strings attached.
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