Post by Caressa2 on Jun 11, 2004 1:53:11 GMT -5
God does have a sense of humor. After just typing my last post, I opened up the Just For Today meditation book for today, and this is the topic.
What a difference. When I was in that 'ug'y relatationship, I lived in a shack a mile from the 200 acre farm I was raised in. This shack was at the junction and crossing of the CN and CP Railways. They crossed behind our house although I hesitate to call it that, but it sure wasn't a home.
There was flooring laid on dirt floor, there was a lean-too built attached to the building with a shower stall, a sink and a toilet. The kitchen and living room were one room, and there were two bedrooms with no doors with curtains on them. My son's bedroom window was covered with plastic and as he shared with me in recovery, I froze growing up mom with having no window and no heat, I can stand it now I am grown up.
No thought that my son could hear everything through the paper thin walls, and as I type this I get tears and a tightness in my chest. I was a rotten housewife, I also didn't find it easy to clean something that didn't look clean when you were finished doing it.
When I came into recovery I had a mouth on me like a truck driver or long-shoreman, and my apology for the label, it was a statement my NA Sponsor and Spiritual Advisor said to me, "If you want to be clean, you need to clean up and show up each day for life. That means cleaning up your appearance, your mouth and your actions; as well as not using people, places and things to escape reality."
There have been days were I have not showered and dressed for the day, and I could still hear his voice but just didn't have the energy to do more than get out of bed, eat meals, and make it to my computer. My computer has been my lifeline. When you figure that five years I didn't know how to turn it on, coudln't copy and paste, I have come along way.
By sharing my recovery with others, I was able to maintain my own recovery and grow in awareness. I found word and things coming out and as a result, I have had a lot of healing. A lot of things that have been buried have surfaced, and I have been able to deal with them. By being honest with me, I can be honest with you and believe me, what you see and hear is what you get and who I am.
I started with one one web site. It grew into four, and they expanded to ten. I deleted all of them but one, and that one increased until there was six, and had two left until my Web Page went up today. I have eight pages of typing on it and a lot of material to post on it so I don't have to dump it onto you guys.
Live and let live was difficult for me for many years. But the key for me was the first word, as I heard a fellow share at a meeting one time. I have to 'LIVE' my own life, and if I am busy living my life, I have not time left to live yours, and I can let you live the way you want.
After I heard that, it helped me to detach from my son and I found myself saying, "Son, you are cramping my style! Mother does have a life you know!"
I have a couple of girls in the city who call me their unofficially adopted mother. The youngest one said to me a few years ago, "Mother, you know more men than I do! Where do you find them!" I said, "I don't they find me!" LOL I allow people to be themselves, and the difference today is that I am clean. When I was using I attracted people of 'like' manner and now that I am clean, I associate with a different crowd.
I remember one night getting on a bus and being followed by a young girl dressed to the nines and she sat behind me and a young girl new to recovery. I smiled at her and said, "Just think, we use to smell like that." No wonder we attracted the people we did." You have to be drunk too in order to stand to be with them. Nothing is worse today than getting into an elevator with someone who is drinking or has just been on it and the smell still remains. It isn't self-righteousness and feeling better than, it is a lot of gratitude for a live and the ability to be clean and free from the bondage of addiction, except for my addiction to talking bout recovery and my gratitude.
What a difference. When I was in that 'ug'y relatationship, I lived in a shack a mile from the 200 acre farm I was raised in. This shack was at the junction and crossing of the CN and CP Railways. They crossed behind our house although I hesitate to call it that, but it sure wasn't a home.
There was flooring laid on dirt floor, there was a lean-too built attached to the building with a shower stall, a sink and a toilet. The kitchen and living room were one room, and there were two bedrooms with no doors with curtains on them. My son's bedroom window was covered with plastic and as he shared with me in recovery, I froze growing up mom with having no window and no heat, I can stand it now I am grown up.
No thought that my son could hear everything through the paper thin walls, and as I type this I get tears and a tightness in my chest. I was a rotten housewife, I also didn't find it easy to clean something that didn't look clean when you were finished doing it.
When I came into recovery I had a mouth on me like a truck driver or long-shoreman, and my apology for the label, it was a statement my NA Sponsor and Spiritual Advisor said to me, "If you want to be clean, you need to clean up and show up each day for life. That means cleaning up your appearance, your mouth and your actions; as well as not using people, places and things to escape reality."
There have been days were I have not showered and dressed for the day, and I could still hear his voice but just didn't have the energy to do more than get out of bed, eat meals, and make it to my computer. My computer has been my lifeline. When you figure that five years I didn't know how to turn it on, coudln't copy and paste, I have come along way.
By sharing my recovery with others, I was able to maintain my own recovery and grow in awareness. I found word and things coming out and as a result, I have had a lot of healing. A lot of things that have been buried have surfaced, and I have been able to deal with them. By being honest with me, I can be honest with you and believe me, what you see and hear is what you get and who I am.
I started with one one web site. It grew into four, and they expanded to ten. I deleted all of them but one, and that one increased until there was six, and had two left until my Web Page went up today. I have eight pages of typing on it and a lot of material to post on it so I don't have to dump it onto you guys.
Live and let live was difficult for me for many years. But the key for me was the first word, as I heard a fellow share at a meeting one time. I have to 'LIVE' my own life, and if I am busy living my life, I have not time left to live yours, and I can let you live the way you want.
After I heard that, it helped me to detach from my son and I found myself saying, "Son, you are cramping my style! Mother does have a life you know!"
I have a couple of girls in the city who call me their unofficially adopted mother. The youngest one said to me a few years ago, "Mother, you know more men than I do! Where do you find them!" I said, "I don't they find me!" LOL I allow people to be themselves, and the difference today is that I am clean. When I was using I attracted people of 'like' manner and now that I am clean, I associate with a different crowd.
I remember one night getting on a bus and being followed by a young girl dressed to the nines and she sat behind me and a young girl new to recovery. I smiled at her and said, "Just think, we use to smell like that." No wonder we attracted the people we did." You have to be drunk too in order to stand to be with them. Nothing is worse today than getting into an elevator with someone who is drinking or has just been on it and the smell still remains. It isn't self-righteousness and feeling better than, it is a lot of gratitude for a live and the ability to be clean and free from the bondage of addiction, except for my addiction to talking bout recovery and my gratitude.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.