Post by caressa on Jun 13, 2004 22:47:47 GMT -5
"We were trapped by our need for the instnat gratification that drugs gave us."
NA Basic Text, pp 24-25
The easier softer way, the quick fix, the I can't deal with it in the moment feeling that we want to make go away, not face and get relief from, because we are not willing to face it, feel it, go through it and wait for "this too shall pass" and get to the other side.
What do we do to make these feelings go away?
How do we apply our program or how do we not apply our program, and react in old patterns and behaviors.
I remember being about two years in recovery. I was angry at the system because I couldn't open a joint bank account with my son because he didn't have all his ID. I went up to pick up the letter from the hospital he was born in and the only woman in the hospital who knew where to find it was away sick. I had phoned already and it was suppose to be there for me. I lost it! On top of the discussion with the bank, I wanted to use so bad and I had an eye doctor's appointment right next to a pharmacy at 1 p.m. and it was 11:30 p.m. I knew it wasn't safe to hang around and I might have stayed on the bus and gone all the way downtown and gone to the liquor store. I was standing at the bus stop and I became aware that there was a KFC place across the street. I 'inhaled' the first piece of chicken and ate most of the fries and wrapped up the other piece and put it in my purse, ran and caught the bus in time for my appointment. I came out from my appointment still steaming and thinking, "What day is this, realized it was Wednesday and there was a meeting at 1:30 p.m and I went there, and called my sponsor when I got home. I had major, major cravings. Somehow, KFC seemed to be less harmful at the moment, but I know that if I continued doing things like that I would have triggered my eating disorder.
I have a fear of putting on weight and I had to learn to give myself permission to eat and to ask for the ability to eat healthy.
I shared with a friend that I had thought of going to his place on Saturday, that I was having a rough day and wanted to run away from home. He said, "Why didn't you come over?" I said, "If I had come, I would have een using you to make me feel better!" He said, "You should have come over." That would have been an old pattern. When I couldn't love myself, I went look for someone who I thought would show or give me some when I couldn't find it within myself.
As I have grown more spiritual aware, I catch myself acting out and through experiencing this journey, I have learned to hesitate and meditate before acting out. I don't always do it right away, but I have been fortunate that it hasn't taken me to a natural disaster. I have hit a spiritual and an emotional bottom since coming into recovery, and because of my program, my support system, and my Higher Power, I haven't had to use one day at a time.
NA Basic Text, pp 24-25
The easier softer way, the quick fix, the I can't deal with it in the moment feeling that we want to make go away, not face and get relief from, because we are not willing to face it, feel it, go through it and wait for "this too shall pass" and get to the other side.
What do we do to make these feelings go away?
How do we apply our program or how do we not apply our program, and react in old patterns and behaviors.
I remember being about two years in recovery. I was angry at the system because I couldn't open a joint bank account with my son because he didn't have all his ID. I went up to pick up the letter from the hospital he was born in and the only woman in the hospital who knew where to find it was away sick. I had phoned already and it was suppose to be there for me. I lost it! On top of the discussion with the bank, I wanted to use so bad and I had an eye doctor's appointment right next to a pharmacy at 1 p.m. and it was 11:30 p.m. I knew it wasn't safe to hang around and I might have stayed on the bus and gone all the way downtown and gone to the liquor store. I was standing at the bus stop and I became aware that there was a KFC place across the street. I 'inhaled' the first piece of chicken and ate most of the fries and wrapped up the other piece and put it in my purse, ran and caught the bus in time for my appointment. I came out from my appointment still steaming and thinking, "What day is this, realized it was Wednesday and there was a meeting at 1:30 p.m and I went there, and called my sponsor when I got home. I had major, major cravings. Somehow, KFC seemed to be less harmful at the moment, but I know that if I continued doing things like that I would have triggered my eating disorder.
I have a fear of putting on weight and I had to learn to give myself permission to eat and to ask for the ability to eat healthy.
I shared with a friend that I had thought of going to his place on Saturday, that I was having a rough day and wanted to run away from home. He said, "Why didn't you come over?" I said, "If I had come, I would have een using you to make me feel better!" He said, "You should have come over." That would have been an old pattern. When I couldn't love myself, I went look for someone who I thought would show or give me some when I couldn't find it within myself.
As I have grown more spiritual aware, I catch myself acting out and through experiencing this journey, I have learned to hesitate and meditate before acting out. I don't always do it right away, but I have been fortunate that it hasn't taken me to a natural disaster. I have hit a spiritual and an emotional bottom since coming into recovery, and because of my program, my support system, and my Higher Power, I haven't had to use one day at a time.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.