|
|
Post by mender1 on Jul 18, 2004 8:00:28 GMT -5
Must not be many here who did
Another memeber of EOR said they were also apart of another cite and was very involved in the cite also.
Can we make this cite a home as we have found in other places.
I think so all we have to do is share and care
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Jul 18, 2004 13:33:45 GMT -5
Hi Mender,
Yep did the drugs years ago. You name it ups, downs, pot, hash, acid, coke and the list is endless. The only thing I guess I never did was anything that involved a needle. (Was too chicken for that). But all that was years ago. Fortunately for me I never became addicted to anything then I put all my toys away and grew up and began to face reality. Man did that suck.
As for people posting many are dually addicted so they focus on where there is the most support. After all isn't alcohol a drug too? IMHO.
Love and God Bless
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by mender1 on Jul 19, 2004 9:29:31 GMT -5
I finally did the coke mainline,
I was selling coke and was'nt doing it and was supporting my other's habit's with it.
I have done most everything
but My true love was pot and whiskey
Saw alot of pain in my addiction.
A quik story some of you have seen already.
I was dealing coke and crack ,pot
A man was debt to me really deep and seemed not to be able to stay away.
He would give me his paycheck.
One time he came to pay me and wanted another front
his family was in the car and his wife had told me a week earlier she wanted to leave him and go back home.
She had came from another state.
Well he gave me his paycheck in cash and could not make it to the bathroom fast enough.
I went to thier truck and gave his wife the money and a couple hundred more and told her to go home and pack what she could and go.
He ended up staying with the party that night and the next and was unaware of what was happening.
He went home to find that she was gone, the first thing he did was to come back to my house and wanted to get loaded again.
It really hit home for me because the same thing happened to me.
My family and I moved to Mo. as a last effort to keep things together I was sober for about 10 month's at the time a new job a new chance.
This was after trying AA for the 100th time
She had taken me back for the last time.
I started using and she moved back to Ohio.
I have seen what crack and powder can do to people's lives and what it done to mine.
Your husband is fighting a battle and you should be proud of his clean time,
That is what is wrong with NA CA there is not long term clean time,
I go to na and aa also
people are not amazed in AA when you say 11 year's but in Na all head's turn when I say 11 year's
I tell them we all live in the same 24 hour's and what is behind me is behind me.
It built a good foundation that could crumble with just one drink just one drug.
So for this 24 hour's I must do the same thing's that kept me clean for a few 24's
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Jul 19, 2004 11:10:59 GMT -5
HI
I grew up in a very sheltered life. My stepfather was an alcholic but my mom wouldn't let him drink at home, so he hung out at bars alot. And things got worst for me when I became a teenager with my step dad, by the time I was in my 20's I was pretty much pissed off at my mom for not protecting me. ( she kept telling me stupid excuses on his behavior) Anyhow, I got married, and my now ex indroduced me to pot, that was the first time I relized just how much better the "world" looked when stoned. By the time my ex and I split up, I was then indroduced to coke and ludes, I was already on valiums and what ever pills I could get my hands on to. Pretty soon, life on the fast lane came to be all that mattered to me, partying alot, dealing alot (coke and pot) and raking in money to pay for my high.
One time, there was this guy that came to my house looking for my connection that was suppose to get his coke, he kept going in circles around my place for a long time, when I went out to find out what was up, he was in torn clothes, blood all over his arms, and feet, I knew that he was really in the stuff deep that got me to open my brains a bit, and thought to myself, what if this person died? I would be partily responsible for this person death, by being the middle person to give him the drugs and I was also gettng tired of the bs that came with the dealing, the so many near "deaths" knocking on my door that I just quit doing the stuff.
I went to a place that did biofeedback to help me with my coke addiction, that really helped me out. I relasped a few times and finally quit for good.
But I never went to meetings. I shoudl have tho. I guess I thought at the time I didnt need to so I went for many many years w/o even going to a 12 step program, until I married my now husband who in turned is a speed addict. I figured that me living the life I did I could handle it, but I was very wrong. After some net searching, I came across a 12 step info, that brought me here, and I have been so grateful to HP to lead me here.
Now my husband, is doing time for his drug use, and is tryign to get himself into meetings at where he is at, and all I can say is, if he maintains his program and tries to stay clean that is good for us. And as I try to keep my own self in to my program i will be ok.
I do know that 12 steps is 12 steps and we all have some kind of pain to share and to me that is what makes us all equal.
Thanks for letting me share.
|
|
|
|
Post by mender1 on Jul 19, 2004 15:05:31 GMT -5
DG
In almost all prison's there is AA meetings at least once a week.
In prison is where i did my last treatment .
That was in 92
He can get anything he want's in prison just like the street's it is all there.
If he want to go to meeting's I am sure there is some there.
You can check out a AA offspin called" bridgeing the gap" it is a group of ex con's usually that help people in prison and just getting out to a 12 step program.
Ask around and I am sure someone will be able to steer you in the right direction.
I was where he was 11 years ago and it is not easy comeing out of prison and staying clean.
When I left prison 5 other's left on the bus with me and all were in treatment in prison.
When we came to our first stop 3 of them bought alcohol.
Had not been out 1 hour and wanted to get drunk or high and drink was there.
I had been in contact from someone who was in the bridging the gap program and he met me at the bus station and help me more than i can say.
|
|
|
|
Post by ~graced~ on Jul 19, 2004 19:54:51 GMT -5
*nodding* Bridging the gap is an awesome opportunity for those in recovery who are wanting to extend themselves to be of service AND it's an awesome opportunity for folks who are needing that connection once they cease being a part of that captive audience. I need that opportunity to pass on what was so freely given to me...not to mention, being a part of that process for folks who are needing some connection helps keep me right sized--cuz there but for the Grace of G-d, go I today, ya know?
*******
*raising hand*
You can count me in with the addict crowd. My first treatment was for 'chemical dependency' when I was all of (almost) 18 years old. I'd gotten arrested and given federal charges for trafficing and was looking at being tried as an adult. I thought I was a pretty smooth operator--it was drug profits that paid for the attorney that got me off the charges on technicalities and I promptly checked myself into treatment, also paid for in full from my dealing profits. Nothing today that I'm proud of in the least bit--but it gave me quite a chuckle back then to believe that I'd outsmarted "Boulder's finest". *sigh*
Yep, I was an idiot and I am, no doubt an addict. While my drug of choice was "yours and more", despite the physical pain of withdrawl from coke and speed -- I didn't really have a problem that I couldn't control...I simply needed help stopping. I'd tried on my own and failed miserably each time....treatment was a means to several ends. Once stopped, I was certain I would be fine, thankyouverymuch...
MY problem was that my father was dying and I needed to return home. Returning home meant giving up the using. I knew the laws in Iowa, I knew living next door to a police station would present a barrier to continued practice, intellectually, I knew it wasn't a good plan to go home hooked. I didn't give up the mentality, I simply gave up the drug of choice. Nevermind the wreckage I'd created, the folks affected by the decisions I'd made, nevermind 'coming to' in strange places with no recollection of how I'd gotten there or who that person was next to me....nevermind the days of physical pain from underestimating my use and the swearing 'never again'....nevermind the obsession which dictated my every move by what was available to use and who was going to help me get it...nevermind the suffering I watched as I doled out the next fix, the next line.....Afterall, that was their problem if they chose to 'use stupid'. I was smarter, slicker and hipper than that....
I got out of treatment, returned home to care for a dying father and promptly doubled my efforts to stay clean by drinking when 'in need'....it was legal and alcohol was not my problem.....My father's problem, yes....mine, no.
As assinine as it sounds, it all made perfectly good sense to me. I was too wrapped up in denial for anyone to convince me different. NA wasn't available in my neck of the woods and what silliness to sign up for continuing to do that when it wasn't, at least in all MY infinite wisdom, 'required'. I was hellbent on hiding the problem existed, hellbent on being the perfect, loving child and taking care of an ailing father.
So, technically, I qualified for more clean time than sober time, I'd suppose. I don't claim it cuz it's all bunk in my eyes. I simply changed my drug of choice and didn't change the addict/alcoholic thinking--I was entitled to drink...after all, if you had MY life-------
I'm clean and sober today, by the grace of G-d and this program, steps and principles.
That's what I know.
That's what hope I can offer others.
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Jul 19, 2004 21:24:38 GMT -5
Hi Mender 1,
Thanks for the tip on the bridging the gap. I will certainaly check into it.
Should I call the AA chapter to get the info?
|
|
|
|
Post by ~graced~ on Jul 22, 2004 8:46:18 GMT -5
Oops....I missed this question, DG...my apologies.
Yep, just ring the intergroup or ask a contact in A.A. to get that information for you....they'll be more than glad to find out if they don't already know.
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Jul 22, 2004 11:11:03 GMT -5
thanks ~graced~ will do that.  |
|
|
|
Post by mender1 on Jul 22, 2004 20:20:58 GMT -5
Hello DG and Graced,
You can try your local intergroup and if you live in a small town call a larger city and ask for infomation.
I will try and look it up on the net but will not be able to do so for a couple of days just stop by to read .
Seem's as tho time has more for me to do than it is willing to give me time for.
Sat. is my day to play online early in the morning.
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Jul 22, 2004 21:00:20 GMT -5
thanks Mender 1 |
|
|
|
Post by poetprose on Nov 7, 2004 18:44:31 GMT -5
Hello yes I use to do drugs when I was a teen, Addictions are very prevelant in our family, I have bipolor disorder and I can't proove this idea or theory of mine, However I do believe bipolor people are "high chasers"
and very often people with this disorder do become addicts , wether it is sex, drugs, rock and roll, alchohol
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Nov 7, 2004 22:38:02 GMT -5
An interesting point, do you mean did you do drugs or are you an addict because of past drug use or did you abuse drugs when you used.
I was given drugs at a year old. I stole a glass of wine at the age of ten and 52 years later still remember the feeling of that one inch of alcohol in a communion wine goblet. I was given drugs at 16 because I was told that I couldn't deal with life. I never drank until I was 21 and socially drank 8 rum and coke, yet when I came into recovery they said 8 R & C is not social drinking, that social drinking was only one or two. I never had that concept. If one would do, then two would do better, if two didn't work, then I would have more.
If you won't make me happy, I will find someone who will. If you don't love me, I will find someone who will. If you won't take care of me, I will find someone who will. If this won't make me feel better, I will find some person, place or thing, to make me feel better.
Anything that took me out of me, became my drug of choice in the moment. For me that is one of the reasons that this is a one day at a time program. If my drug of choice is not available, they I am always vulnerable and open for someone, something, or some situation which will to fill up the feeling of empty within me.
I didn't know that I had to fill the void with spiritual things. I didn't know that the problem was me. I didn't know that I couldn't be alone with me and that I had the answers within myself. Who was I to know?
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Nov 7, 2004 22:41:40 GMT -5
Dear poetprose,
There is a meeting of DRA in my city. Dual Recovery Anonymous. I have known many addicts who have died as a result of going off their medication so they could use, only to die. It is hard to take medication for mental disorders of any form and stay clean. It is difficult to take medication for pain, and stay clean.
We can't play doctor with our lives and we can't allow other addicts to make the decision for us, it is best left up to professionals. It is important though to find professionals who are in the know.
|
|
|
|
Post by poetprose on Nov 8, 2004 8:00:35 GMT -5
Here is the situation with my son,
he was diagnosed bipolor (while using drugs) according to a few other health care providers this is a no no..
So the doctor that diagnosed him and put him on meds was wrong. for a couple of reasons
1) mood stablizing drugs do not work effectively with street drugs
2) an addict is suppose to be clean/dry for 3 months before an accuarate diagnosis can be made
I do not do drugs, or do I drink I'm 45 diagnosed 6 yrs ago with PTS and bipolor, i work through councelling and am stable, have been stable for 3 yrs, i was asked by my pdoc if I wanted benzo's when first diagnosed , I said no , knowing that addiction/alcoholism is very prevelant in my genes, and as I mentioned am stable.
>>I have known many addicts who have died as a result of going off their medication so they could use, only to die.<<<
I'm sure this is true , with another question? did they die because they went off their meds or did they die because they over dosed? i also think there are just as many suicides from treated depression , a person who is severly depressed is most likely not going to get out of bed and walk over to the night stand and take that pill that will aleviate the symptoms....
Another problem we have in Canada is that you can buy perkesets, valiums, downers, uppers (prescribed medications) off of those using these meds for $2.oo a piece off the streets.... It is scarey just how available these drugs are to kids or teens or whatever
It's too bad we as a human race have not figured out that "hope" is not found in a perscription, or a bottle, and you don't have to buy it
There is a poem I read a while ago, written by Bob Dylan and it's called "Last thoughts on Woody" it is a dedication Dylan wrote for a friend of his , it really made me think..
|
|
|
|
Post by Tiger on Nov 8, 2004 12:18:00 GMT -5
Mender1 writes: [/size] Hi Mender1,
During my "drinking days" drugs were not as prevalant as they have become during the last few decades. If they were easily accesable, I proberly would have tried them......I had enough trounle with the booze
However, I have a son who is dually addicted - when he drinks, he also uses drugs and if he drugs, he drinks to excess. Today, he is sober and clean for 13 years!
Don't worry about it, Mender1, you qualify and can "fit in"
Tiger |
|
|
|
Post by knothead on Nov 9, 2004 3:08:46 GMT -5
I started with alcohol (drug of choice). I graduated with pot (probably smoked a bale or three over a seeming lifetime). Used various pills ('scripts). Snorted coke. Huffed a little. Tried some amphetemine-laced LSD I didn't like.
Smoked way too much crack-cocaine at one point. Sold me down the proverbial financial river.
Always drinking, aways drinking, though.
Did some meth, snorting it. Incredible rush.
Did some herion the same way, because I have always hated even the *idea* of needles. Sent me on a high, then to sleep for what seemed to be several days & nights.
I did some "schrooms" once. Made me sick to my stomach. But I got the "high" out of it anyway. I ended up at a local "drunk tank" the next morning, not knowing how I had gotten there or much else in-between. But it wuz "cosmic," if you catch my drift.
Artificial "highs" are just that. ARTIFICIAL.
Nothing artificial can last.
The only thing real I have found are the 12 steps of recovery. Thank God.
|
|
|
|
Post by dg on Nov 9, 2004 11:21:14 GMT -5
Amen to that Mender 1. |
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Nov 9, 2004 15:00:08 GMT -5
Like that phrase too, the only high I found that was lasting and totally amazing was the natural highs I have had in recovery.
I never used to get high. If I thought I was going to lose control, I went into fear, would go into the bathroom, upchuck so I could continue drinking. Heaven forbid if I made an ass of myself and people laughed at me. I use to drown the pain and feelings, or I used to bring me up to a level where I felt I could cope, yet the insanity was, alcohol was a depressant. My body was always at war with itself.
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Jan 21, 2009 22:35:44 GMT -5
Some interesting words of wisdom from some old-timers who had good things to say. Too bad they stopped coming. Mender joined one of my sites. I wish I could express myself as well as 'graced' did.
|
|
~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.