Relapse

[caressa]

Tonight I heard a good affirmation of something I believed in, yet thought I must be mistaken because everyone else seemed to see it as truth.

"Relapse is part of recovery!"

No, relapse is part of my disease! Recovery is using the tools of the program so I won't find it necessar to relapse.

You can't lose what you never had. If you relapse, I believe you haven't had a spiritual connection strong enough to bring about the change in your life, which brings about the honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness that is need to work the program in all aspects of your life.

This is a mental, emotional, spiritual and phsyical program and I must apply the tools and the principles of the steps to all areas in order to recover.

Many people try to rush through the steps, get a quick fix and get on with life; yet if you don't deal with the issues and feelings that brought you here, you will find yourself back out there acting out in the insanit of this disease. It is a process, not perfection. It is a journey, not a destination, it is practice, practice, practice one day at a time. I am not promised tomorrows, only hope for tomorrow if I continue doing the do things in today.

[knothead]

Caressa said:

Tonight I heard a good affirmation of something I believed in, yet thought I must be mistaken because everyone else seemed to see it as truth.

"Relapse is part of recovery!"

No, relapse is part of my disease!

Actually, I agree, thus far.


Recovery is using the tools of the program so I won't find it necessar to relapse.

No doubt.

You can't lose what you never had.

In my own personal experience, I beg to differ. I had a profound spiritual experience after working/living the first three steps. I had a more profound spritual experience after working/living steps 4 - 9. I thought I was a new person, altogether. I celebrated my one-year anniversary of being sober at a speakers meeting, received my medallion.

The next day, I celebrated by getting drunk. Why? Because of my alcoholic ego. I had forgotten that old saying about "God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself." In other words, I thought I had done most of the work, so, therefore, *I* must be responsible for the glory.

And anytime I am more into my own self-inflated ego, I am at a huge risk. "My best thinking got me here" is not simply a cliche' for moi. It *is* THE TRUTH. I can no more keep myself sober in and of myself than a child can withstand sweets in a candy store (if the child really wanted to).

If you relapse, I believe you haven't had a spiritual connection strong enough to bring about the change in your life, which brings about the honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness that is need to work the program in all aspects of your life.

Look up "relapse" in a medical dictionary. Relapse occurs only after having a certain time of "remission" of said disease. But relapse can occur in any disease.

This is a mental, emotional, spiritual and phsyical program and I must apply the tools and the principles of the steps to all areas in order to recover.

It is a process, not perfection. It is a journey, not a destination, it is practice, practice, practice one day at a time. I am not promised tomorrows, only hope for tomorrow if I continue doing the do things in today.

Thank you!!!!! You are no doubt correct here. And I needed hear it.

[caressa]

Hopefully, those that come to this site do the do things of recovery that prevent them from relapsing.

We can relapse into old behaviors, thinking, and other destructive mind sets, that can take us down before we physically pick up.

Some of those things we can fall into are:

1) Eating to stuff feelings of fear of the holidays
2) Taking medication for aches and pains which are making themselves known, because of emotional and mental upsets.
3) Sleeping to make the time go by and not living in today.
4) Stop going to meetings and remaining in isolation.
5) Not making contact with friends and recovery support like sponsor, spiritual advisor, group members, etc.
6) Stop taking the time to read meditations and read the Big Book and recovery literature, which gives us spiritual awareness and food for our Soul.
7) Letting down our defenses because it is a time of Ho! Ho! Ho!, forgetting that all we have to stay focused on today and our recovery.
8) Allowing ourselves to slip into depression, not accepting what we have, and not satisified with gifts, lessons and grace that has been given to us.

I know I don't have much, but it is sooooo much more than what I use to have. Most importantly, I have myself. I am clean and sober, and as long as I stay that way, I do have freedom of choice. Just for today, I choose not to use.

[ghost]

Hi! I an ancient recovering addict named "ghost". I appreciate this topic. Relapse is a component not a prerequisite. In my times I have come to realize that the number one cause of relapse is being clean. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Think about it for a moment. If I'm not clean I can't lapse. If I lapse and return to addictive use
it's more than likely because being clean has become too painful; too boring; too frightening; too pointless to continue. Being of service and maintaining a reasonable degree of happiness usually does the trick.
thanks for letting me share.

[lildee]

Welcome Ghost,

Glad you found our site. Feel free to post , vent , and share. Surf away on the site there is plenty of ESH here.

Love & God Bless
Arlene (lildee)

[gerrc21]

I would like to ask a couple of questions about this. I am concerned that my honey (clean for 13 months) is headed down the road to relapse. (and before I go any futher, I need to say that I understand there is nothing I can do about it, so I haven't been nagging him about it or even mentioned that I thought it might be a possibility.) Anyway, one of the things that we did talk about was that he doesn't do any daily readings. We have also discussed his sleeping habits, as well as I'm trying to get his counselors to see that he is depressed. A couple of weeks after Christmas, they started him on anit-depressants...but he quit on his own after 2 weeks...and all the counselors do is ask him "are you depressed?" and he's tell them no.

Anyway, my question is...if he ISN'T doing at least 5 out of the 8, what are his chances? IS there anything I can do to help? As I said, I've pretty much stayed away from this...we have other issues we are trying to deal with. In other words...where do I go from here?? Ger!!

[lildee]

Ger,

Relapse is a real fear, especially for a co-dependent of an addict. But he must work his own program the way he sees fit. Your expectations of how he should be working his program is of no help to him. You can be supportive of him and trust that God will guide him along with others in the program.

My addict relapsed 3 times. But he had to do it with no input from me. Today he has been clean almost a year and a half.

Your expectations of what he should do and shouldn't do only put more pressure on him to get it right. And they keep the fear running throughout your veins.

Let Go of him and your fears. If he wants to get clean he will.

Sure daily readings are an inspiration for many but for some it is a turn off.

My hubby was told to pray each day. I never saw him praying but let him do what he wanted. Only to find out later that he was praying all along on his way to work!
He will do the the things he needs to that he can relate to to achieve his recovery.

I know it is a big leap of faith but turn him over to God and pray for him that is all that you can do.

You asked where do you go from here? Are you going to either Naranon or Alanon meetings? Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the Steps? Have you taken a good look at what your part in all of this is? You can only take care of your own "stuff". You can't do it for anyone else.

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.
Author: Thomas Jefferson 1743-1826, Third President of the USA

Love & God Bless
Arlene

[gerrc21]

Thank you so much for that reply. I truely am trying to let him be and trust that God has a plan for us. I am the wife whose husband told her last week that he is divorcing me and needs to find his wings now that they are healed...so I have much more than a relapse to consider. Believe it or not, I don't even think about it much..probably because I am trying to pray and meditate on what to do about my marriage. The one time I asked him about it awhile ago, he said that isn't going to happen because I have too much to lose (contact with his grandson for one) and nothing to gain. I haven't approached the subject since. Again, thank you for your kind reply.

[lildee]

Dear Ger,

We all face all sorts of problems. Marriage, financial, kids, sex, affairs you name it. But as you work through the program you will find what is really important. In one word ---- God. If God brought you to it, God will bring you through it.


Love & God Bless
Arlene

[jodiebella]

My sponsor had me copy this down the other day...

Relapse Warning Signs (in order of the descent into relapse)

1. Apprehension about well being.
2. Denial
3. Adamant commitment to staying clean.
4. Compulsive attempts to impose staying clean on others.
5. Defensiveness
6. Compulsive behavior
7. Impulsive behavior
8. Tendencies toward loneliness
9. Tunnel vision
10. Minor depression
11. Loss of constructive planning
12. Plans begin to fail
13. Idle daydreaming and wishful thinking.
14. Feeling that nothing can be solved.
15. Immature wish to be happy.
16. Periods of confusion
17. Irritation with friends
18. Easily angered
19. Irregular eating habits
20. Listlessness
21. Irregular sleeping habits
22. Progressive loss of daily structure
23. Periods of deep depression
24. Irregular attendance at meetings
25. Development of an "I don't care" attitude.
26. Open rejection of help
27. Dissatisfaction with life
28. Feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness
29. Self-pity
30. Thoughts of social using
31. Conscious lying
32. Complete loss of self-confidence
33. Unreasonable resentments
34. Discontinuing all treatment
35. Overwhelming loneliness, frustration, anger and tension
36. Start of "controlled" using
37. Loss of control

Relapse Prevention Planning

1. Stabilization - stabilize your sobriety
2. Assessment - Do you believe relapse can occur? Are you ready for relapse planning?
3. Education about the relapse process - review 37 warning signs
4. Warning sign identification - list 10 personal warning signs
5. Review recovery program - if not in the process of recovery, you are in the process of relapse. Are you doing what is necessary?
6. Inventory training - focus on daily personal inventory.
7. Interruption of relapse warning signs - Develop, plan and work it.
8. Involvment of support group - set up your support system and use it.
9. Follow-up and reinforcement - Practice, practice, practice

[caressa]

Thank you for sharing this. Haven't seen this since early sobriety.

Going to post it on my own site.