Post by majestyjo on Dec 2, 2015 18:38:28 GMT -5
LISTENING
Today's thought from Hazelden is: June 16, 2008
Reflection for the Day
"It is the privilege of wisdom to listen," Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote. If I try as hard as I can to cultivate the art of listening - uncritically and without making premature judgments - chances are great that I'll progress more rapidly in my recovery. If I try as hard as I can to listen to the feelings and thoughts expressed - rather than to the "speaker" - I may be blessed with an unexpectedly helpful idea. The essential quality of good listening is humility. Does a holier-than-thou attitude sometimes close my mind to the shared suggestions of others?
Today I Pray
May my Higher Power keep me from being "holier-than-thou" with anyone whose manner or language or opposite point of view or apparent lack of knowledge turns me off to what they are saying. May I be listening always for the voice of God, which can be heard through the speech of any one of us.
You are reading from the book:
A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous
Reflection for the Day
"It is the privilege of wisdom to listen," Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote. If I try as hard as I can to cultivate the art of listening - uncritically and without making premature judgments - chances are great that I'll progress more rapidly in my recovery. If I try as hard as I can to listen to the feelings and thoughts expressed - rather than to the "speaker" - I may be blessed with an unexpectedly helpful idea. The essential quality of good listening is humility. Does a holier-than-thou attitude sometimes close my mind to the shared suggestions of others?
Today I Pray
May my Higher Power keep me from being "holier-than-thou" with anyone whose manner or language or opposite point of view or apparent lack of knowledge turns me off to what they are saying. May I be listening always for the voice of God, which can be heard through the speech of any one of us.
Today I Will Remember
Hear the speech, not the speaker.
Hear the speech, not the speaker.
A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous
This isn't an Al-Anon reading, but it carries an Al-Anon message to me. In fact, I was talking to my Al-Anon sponsor yesterday and she said some things I didn't really want to listen to. The reason being, it was things I had been saying to myself, but didn't really want to acknowledge.
I know what the right thing to do is, I just don't always want to do it. I am grateful that my Higher Power loves me anyway.
I know what the right thing to do is, I just don't always want to do it. I am grateful that my Higher Power loves me anyway.
There was a guy, who was in and out of the program, before he could finally get honest and stay sober. He kept saying at meetings, "Take the cotton baton out of your ears and put it into your mouth. Shut up and listen. Everybody wanted him to do it and stop repeating himself. The good thing is that he is sober today and still saying it, but more importantly walking his talk.
I had trouble listening because of the internal dialogue going on in my head. It was mostly my insecurities and my indecisiveness have a battle about the what ifs; do I, don't I; and should I, shouldn't I! It helped when my sponsor told me to stop shoulding all over the place and clean up my act.
As you say focus is important. I try to look at the person who is sharing and let them know that their words are important. That is why I like to share on the board to validate the person's point of view, express my own experience, add a new viewpoint, or just agree to disagree.
For so many years I was told that my words were not important. It is nice to get validation and affirmation outside of myself and my HP, although it isn't necessary in today, it is still nice to receive.
I don't often stroke ego and try not to blow my own too far out of proportion, but as the saying goes, we are all only human. I hate that phrase. That is another story. So many people use it as an excuse not to work on themselves and to change who they are and allow themselves to be who they can truly be.
As the saying goes, it is a program of reflection. I found myself in the people around me. In order to do that, I had to listen and learn and learn to listen.
I had trouble listening because of the internal dialogue going on in my head. It was mostly my insecurities and my indecisiveness have a battle about the what ifs; do I, don't I; and should I, shouldn't I! It helped when my sponsor told me to stop shoulding all over the place and clean up my act.
As you say focus is important. I try to look at the person who is sharing and let them know that their words are important. That is why I like to share on the board to validate the person's point of view, express my own experience, add a new viewpoint, or just agree to disagree.
For so many years I was told that my words were not important. It is nice to get validation and affirmation outside of myself and my HP, although it isn't necessary in today, it is still nice to receive.
I don't often stroke ego and try not to blow my own too far out of proportion, but as the saying goes, we are all only human. I hate that phrase. That is another story. So many people use it as an excuse not to work on themselves and to change who they are and allow themselves to be who they can truly be.
As the saying goes, it is a program of reflection. I found myself in the people around me. In order to do that, I had to listen and learn and learn to listen.
The game your sister is playing is normal for an addict. I know that when I was in active addiction it was always some other person's fault for everything that went wrong in my life. Both my sister have said that they feel that if they had made the decision to drink they would have drank alcoholically. I believe the reason they didn't was they were home with dad and I left to go to the city when I was 17. Our mother died when I was 21 and they were 17 & 18. When my mother died, my father brought the alcohol to the house and it became a part of their lives. I was married when I was 21 but drinking wasn't a regular thing and my disease didn't make itself known until I was 26. The thinking was there but not the drinking. I had been put on valium at 16.
We all came from the same dysfunctional background and each handled it in her own way. My sister got pregnant and married young and my other sister had a lot of mental problems and she too was in an abusive relationship.
It is my understanding that not wanting to take responsibility is part of the adult child way of thinking and certainly it is for codependency and addiction. I get a holier-than-thou attitude from my younger sister. I remember at my first job a girl told me she thought I was very sophisticated and a bit of a snob and she was afraid of me. She said she was glad she got to know the real me and didn't let her fear keep her from making friends with me. She said I was a lot of fun. We worked in the head office and went to the beauty shop and spray coloured each others hair. She was blonde and I changed her into a brunette and I was a brunette who became a redhead with a silver, gold and a dark green streak.
In truth, I was scared and feeling very much the country girl and it was a mask I wore for many years. It was to cover up for low self-esttem, no self-confidence and insecurities. Bravado always seemed to be the cure for low self-esteem and fears of rejection, abandonment, and lack of acceptance.
Later the alcohol became the crutch and the friend who I thought was giving me what I needed to cope with life, then it became my enemy. I didn't really know how bad I was. It wasn't until I became aware and had a spiritual awakening that I reached out and asked for help. My awakening was when I heard a girl say, "I don't want to be like her down the hall," and knowing she was talking about me. I was living in the YWCA on the fourth floor and there were lots of girls there but I knew she was talking about me. I picked up the phone and put a call into the social worker.
It is hard to have compassion for that person in today. It some days feels like she never existed. I can have empathy for someone who is using and doesn't know there is a better way. I do have problems with those who do know and choose to use anyway. I know it is a disease. I know they can't quit on their own. All I can do is pray for them and hope they find the desire to change. I can't help them and that part of me finds it hard to accept. If I can change anyone can. I was one of the really sick ones and if it works for me, it will work for anyone.
If I have a holier-than-thou attitude it is toward those who have relapsed or have substituted other things like work, gambling and food and call themselves sober. The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and I must never forget that. It is only by God's Grace that I found recovery and have stayed.
We all came from the same dysfunctional background and each handled it in her own way. My sister got pregnant and married young and my other sister had a lot of mental problems and she too was in an abusive relationship.
It is my understanding that not wanting to take responsibility is part of the adult child way of thinking and certainly it is for codependency and addiction. I get a holier-than-thou attitude from my younger sister. I remember at my first job a girl told me she thought I was very sophisticated and a bit of a snob and she was afraid of me. She said she was glad she got to know the real me and didn't let her fear keep her from making friends with me. She said I was a lot of fun. We worked in the head office and went to the beauty shop and spray coloured each others hair. She was blonde and I changed her into a brunette and I was a brunette who became a redhead with a silver, gold and a dark green streak.
In truth, I was scared and feeling very much the country girl and it was a mask I wore for many years. It was to cover up for low self-esttem, no self-confidence and insecurities. Bravado always seemed to be the cure for low self-esteem and fears of rejection, abandonment, and lack of acceptance.
Later the alcohol became the crutch and the friend who I thought was giving me what I needed to cope with life, then it became my enemy. I didn't really know how bad I was. It wasn't until I became aware and had a spiritual awakening that I reached out and asked for help. My awakening was when I heard a girl say, "I don't want to be like her down the hall," and knowing she was talking about me. I was living in the YWCA on the fourth floor and there were lots of girls there but I knew she was talking about me. I picked up the phone and put a call into the social worker.
It is hard to have compassion for that person in today. It some days feels like she never existed. I can have empathy for someone who is using and doesn't know there is a better way. I do have problems with those who do know and choose to use anyway. I know it is a disease. I know they can't quit on their own. All I can do is pray for them and hope they find the desire to change. I can't help them and that part of me finds it hard to accept. If I can change anyone can. I was one of the really sick ones and if it works for me, it will work for anyone.
If I have a holier-than-thou attitude it is toward those who have relapsed or have substituted other things like work, gambling and food and call themselves sober. The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and I must never forget that. It is only by God's Grace that I found recovery and have stayed.
This was all written four years ago. I will take a look and see what more I want to add when I am more awake. Hopefully some of you will share, and I can listen to you.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.