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Post by bunnypie on Jun 30, 2016 0:13:07 GMT -5
I remember reading in a meditation book for dual addicted (alcohol & drugs) THINK THE DRINK FIGURE THE FIX PONDER THE PILL!!!!! This can also be applied to anger. I don't have to make amends for what I don't say or do!!! Silence is golden???!!! I realize it is easy to say this and real real hard to do this.........Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 30, 2016 1:22:16 GMT -5
For me it is about letting go. I tend to bottle it up and it is even worse when I bury it and then it starts coming out in other ways. i.e. back ache, head ache, cussing and short temper, and all my defects start to act out, and I become a dry drunk. Food needs to be added to your quote.
When I came home from the meeting tonight, my leg hurt from the knee down. It is down to just my toes, but that doesn't make it less painful. Everything I have tried hasn't worked. I was really tired and the pain wouldn't let me sleep. Then I get angry at my foot, the pain, and resent not being able to sleep. The insanity of my dis-ease.
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Post by bunnypie on Jun 30, 2016 5:10:35 GMT -5
I have been mad as hell for my body betraying me in response to chemo. The cure for cancer is just horrible! I have deep regrets for even starting this but I am half way there and can't turn back now!!! Nausea, Sleepless, Deep Down Bone Weary, Cross Eyed Tired, Emotional Roller Coaster Feelings, Shiney Bald Head that makes me look E.T. (phone home) isolation and lonesomeness. To Quote the Beatles: "yeah yeah yeah" Here is some insanity: I was looking out the window at 3am & crying to the moon. The moon is a crescent and when you look at it side ways it looks like a smiley just smiling back at me and all my problems!!!!-----Dazed & Crazed Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 30, 2016 19:06:40 GMT -5
Just for today, enough already! Have been in major pain for two days. I am beginning to think a lot of it is emotional pain making itself known physically. When I went to see my sister today, she looked worse. Continued prayers would be appreciated.
Closing up shop and going to bed to see if I can find some of the sleep I lost the last couple of nights.
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Post by bunnypie on Jun 30, 2016 20:50:59 GMT -5
When Mom was in Hospice and slowly dying inch by freaking inch it was hard to take!!! My acceptance level was at ZERO!!! I loved her and didn't want her to go. I kept telling her "make an effort" My sisters wanted to kick my A$$ but it was how I truly felt. Anything or anyone I have ever had to let go of has had deep claw marks on the from me NOT wanting to let go. I have been told "Let Go or Be Dragged" dragged thru horrible emotional and physical pain because I am hanging on so d**n tight!!! Mom opened her big green cat eyes at me and said "you have got to let me go. my spirit is ready" I never cried so d**n hard in my life!!! I still had to make a deal with her to come back as a ghost and let me know she made it to the other side or NO DEAL!!! I saw a black dog sitting in my hall way when I got up to feed my 2 guinea pigs in the middle of the night (3am they woke me up the lil critters!) I was half asleep and I saw the dog sitting there panting real loud. I was half asleep and I said "oh hi doggie & went to pet it on the head as soon as I touched it the dog vanished!!! I thought I was sleep walking and fed the guiena pigs and went back to bed. 10 min later the phone rang and it was the nurse who has staying with Mom 24/7. She had found Mom dead in her bed...........I truly believe Mom came by as a black dog to let me know she died and made it to the other side!!! The American Indians believe the symbol of the dog is the best mother there is. Patrick Swayze made a movie called Black Dog about truckers who tried to go from New York to California in 15 hours non-stop. They got road rage & white line fever and all saw a black dog before they crashed their trucks and died. The black dog was the symbol of death. I put all this information together and just shiver!!!! It was and still is a spiritual experience that I will never ever forget!!!! Mom has been gone for 9 years now but I still constantly see black dogs (people walking their dogs or the neighbor across the way has a black dog that barks like crazy when he sees me) What's my point??? The point is we are willing to grow along spiritual lines and realize that when we let go it will come back to us but maybe not how we expect or want it to!!!!! Sorry to be so d**n long & windy!!! Just As Bunnypie Sees It!!!!!
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 30, 2016 22:24:20 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing this. In Jamie Sams' book, the Dog stands for unconditional love and loyalty. It may stand for death, but I like to think of it as "I am still with you." I don't think I slept, laid down at 8 p.m. and looked at the clock again and it was 8:31 p.m. I have been fighting pain all night and I have done meditation, watched tennis, talked on the phone and with my son. My meditation card said, "I release all fears and doubts. I talked to a friend and her sister was in the hospital for 5 months. That gave me a lot of hope and will continue to pray. ![](https://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.Mefb7feb561cf2ca383b9a967475d147eo0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300)
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Post by bunnypie on Jun 30, 2016 23:43:13 GMT -5
HOney HOney HOney!!!------Mom did have unconditional love & loyalty. She kept us 5 kids together when she could of said "screw it" and gave us all up for adoption!!! Hope you will be feeling better and get some rest! REST is a good 4 letter word!!!------Bunnypie ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 1, 2016 10:50:44 GMT -5
Just for today, it is about self care so I can make it out to a meeting with a newcomer tonight. I don't want to do anything that will cause my feet to swell or ache, which is ironic, because I think they have a mind of their own. It means I can't do nothing, but I can't do too much either, like I did yesterday. It wasn't of my choosing, but that was the problem, I was working on self will, I wanted to go see my sister, but my body was telling me no all afternoon. I did other things then went to the hospital and ended up not doing the thing that I should have done, which was give blood seeing as the lab is closed today because of the holiday and now I have to wait until Monday. ![](https://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M3f128105393a3b011c020b878546ffe5o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300)
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 1, 2016 20:15:30 GMT -5
Don't beat yourself up! Sometimes the best thing you can do it nothing!!! I paid all day today for going out yesterday and I did nothing!!! I am feeling like sh*t and nothing is the best I can do just for today.......Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 1, 2016 22:40:45 GMT -5
Sorry I sound like I am beating myself up. I forgot about the blood work until it was too late to do something about it. I try to listen to myself when given a thought, yesterday I found myself arguing with myself. I did get to see my sister all of 10 min. at the most. The emergency nurse at the hospital suggested that I call the visit short because of the way I have been feeling. I got the message not to go, but I wouldn't listen to myself.
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 1, 2016 23:59:37 GMT -5
Oh JO!!!----There is a saying in the meetings I go to about how alcoholics have a committee meeting inside their head. Some call it "the itty bitty sh*tty committee" It is at least 4-5 different points of view in your head. One says to do this and Another says to do that. And still another says to do something else. We have a mental tug-o-war going on inside of our heads and we have to find a way to unify all the different points of view. Sometimes it is impossible and the only way to shut down all the voices in the committee is to go to sleep. When you don't get a lot of sleep the "committee in your head" is a lot stronger and you make decisions that might not be good. I understand completely cause my committee has been playing hell with me lately!!! You are very normal for an alcoholic!!! You just have to remember and be aware of all the side effects. Good Luck. It don't come easy.-----Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 2, 2016 4:08:36 GMT -5
When I get voices arguing, I generally stop and do a meditation. I don't have as many voices in today, although I was doing the should I or shouldn't I. I would feel really bad if she pick up a bug as a result of me being there. On the other hand, I justified going because I wanted to see for myself how she was as no one was keeping me in the know.
When I turn my day over into my God's Care, I do get Good Orderly Direction. I have been following it for almost 25 years now and He hasn't led me astray yet. It is when I don't listen to my Inner Self that I get into trouble. As my co-sponsor use to say, "If you are doubting yourself, you are doubting your God. I try to walk in faith and trust that I am doing the right thing.
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 2, 2016 9:51:22 GMT -5
Dr Bob (co-founder of AA) wrote on a prescription pad TRUST GOD CLEAN HOUSE HELP OTHERS
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 2, 2016 21:39:09 GMT -5
Just for today, I will give thanks for those who have prayed for my sister. I put some gratitude in my attitude today and went up to see her. I stayed with her while my brother-in-law took my niece home. She has been there with her mother every day she has been in ICU. She has time off work and has spent it with her mom at the hospital. I am grateful that although I slept late, I did wake up with no pain. There were signs all the way, buses arriving and me not having to wait and specials on some things in the grocery store on things I needed. ![](http://www.clipartbest.com/cliparts/aiq/z9o/aiqz9o6yT.gif)
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 3, 2016 1:48:08 GMT -5
I think it is good karma that you did a good deed and went to give your niece some relief and reassurance that someone was with her Mom and good stuff happen to you. There is an old saying "what comes around goes around" I do think/feel that God smiles on people who are practicing G-O-D (good orderly direction)---AS Bunnypie Sees It ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 4, 2016 21:25:23 GMT -5
Just for today, I will follow my heart and come from a place of Love. You can't go far wrong if you choose love, especially if your intentions and motives are right and not for self, but for the good of the whole. I don't just come here for my recovery, I come to share with others to give it away, with the hope that it will help others. ![](http://www.webweaver.nu/clipart/img/nature/rabbits/bunny.gif)
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 4, 2016 22:41:49 GMT -5
You have good motives and great intentions!!! I don't see how you can go wrong??!!!----Bunnypie ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 5, 2016 14:34:30 GMT -5
Just for today, I will try to organize my thoughts and my actions. It is important for me because if I don't, I forget! I get a though and discount it and forget that it is often from my God if I have asked Him to be a part of my day. If I forget, and I don't feed my spirit, I lose that defense against my addiction and I can slip back into old patterns and behaviour. It is easy to get complacent and forget there is always room for growth. What I did last week, isn't going to keep me sober in today, let alone what I did a year agao. I have learned the tools, but I still have to remember to pick them up. It helps if they are in order. ![](https://tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M110ce22c6a67b76fd8166d7878073c20H0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300https://tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M110ce22c6a67b76fd8166d7878073c20H0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300)
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 5, 2016 15:56:37 GMT -5
That post especially the blocked off slogan reminds me of the saying "if you pray don't worry & if ya worry don't pray" ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I tend to do both and it gets really nerve wracking! I do my best to stay calm and let it work out how it is suppose to work out. Calm & Trust and 2 things that I really need to practice as much as possible.......Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 5, 2016 18:34:50 GMT -5
Yes my sponsor always said, "Practice, practice, practice." Never just one try, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. As I have said before, organization is not me thing. My boss use to get upset when he looked at my desk. I called it organized chaos because I knew where everything was. His desk was spotless as he would point out. It was that way because he dumped everything onto me. Things can be overwhelming, but as I was told, "First things first, what is a priority here?" I would go into a speel and my co-sponsor said, "That is five things, what is the most important thing." It all boiled down to my sobriety (soundness of mind) and I couldn't let people, places or things, take me away from it. One foot forward, one day at a time. ![](http://sherly.mobile9.com/download/media/210/animatedte_z91oer4p.gif)
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