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Post by bunnypie on Feb 15, 2016 13:06:22 GMT -5
I am not going to beg her to go to meetings, work the steps, or read the literature. She has had it offered to her and I just have to let go & let God. It is hard to back off but even harder to be used as a crutch or a "smoke screen" for the court. I have not sponsored a "brand new" person in a long time and now I remember why!!!
Frustrated & Aggravated------Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 15, 2016 15:24:32 GMT -5
Don't sponsor unless it is a temporary sponsor until they find someone else because I can't always be there for them because of my health issues.
It isn't about begging, it is about guidance, making suggestions, and good orderly direction, and if they don't wish to participate, there is nothing we can do. We detach and set boundaries, and when they are ready, then we can be there for them. I have had sponsees find other sponsees, but still call me and that is okay.
As I said, "I am powerless over them and it isn't my job to make them do anything."
Got this from another site:
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 15, 2016 15:32:45 GMT -5
WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO? A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement. A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members. A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust. A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers." A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require. A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work. A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path. A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion. A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives. A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery. Our sponsor is available in times of crisis. A sponsor provides practice in building relationships. WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO: A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery. A sponsor is not our therapist A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence. A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way. SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR: Has what we want Lives in the solution Walks the talk Has a sponsor Emphasizes the steps Has more time in recovery than we do Has worked more steps than we have Is available for telephone calls and meetings Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program Gender is the same as ours* IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO: Some reasons are: The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice. The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program. After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us. When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them. It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery. * This, as with all the suggestions here, is a general guideline. This may not be appropriate for recovering folk who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender. Additionally, in many communities, some trusted "old-timers" may sponsor people of another gender.  p.s. I was told to stick with the winners. Anyone who stayed sober for one day was a winner. I was told to make sure I listened to the long/old timers. I had trouble finding the women because they generally only went to their meeting or one other. I travelled around the city and if it wasn't for the men, I am not sure I would have stayed sober. I joined a Women's Discussion Group because I didn't like women. I had to learn to change my attitude and learn how to communicate with them. I had been a working mom all my life and worked mostly with men and drank with them. I didn't have time or didn't do many 'female' things like sewing, hated housework and generally paid others to help out, I wasn't into cooking that much until later years, until I was in my 30s. My mother didn't allow us into the kitchen. Her motto was "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all." So I didn't, not realizing that the 'right' way was her way and I didn't have another option. That isn't what recovery is about. |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 15, 2016 17:02:27 GMT -5
Thanks Jo!!!!
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 16, 2016 18:48:43 GMT -5
Just for today, I will accept the fact that I am a little behind in my day. I will try to make healthy choices. I am not too mobile, so will have to be accepting of my limitations. Even with my limitations, I know that I can't project that into my day, because my Higher Power is all Powerful and through Him, all things are possible.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 16, 2016 23:48:59 GMT -5
Hey Jo---Knowing what my boundaries are can be difficult. sometime the mind is willing but the body just isn't able! LOL or it could be the other way around too!!!!----Bunnypie  |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 17, 2016 16:13:56 GMT -5
Just for today, I will remember that it is a one day at a time program. One days feelings, actions, experiences, memories, trials and tribulations. I have freedom of choice, it is up to me as to how I choose to live my day. It is good to remember that a day can start any time, and I can stop and start my day anew.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 17, 2016 21:24:17 GMT -5
Hey Jo----I like that reminder of a day can be started again at any time. I returned multiple phone messages from the woman I was sponsoring and just firmly told her that she was not serious about the program and I didn't want to waste my time trying to work with her. She got defensive and was coming up with all kinds of reasons. I just hung the phone up. I can't/won't waste time on someone who doesn't have a desire to be sober. My sobriety is too important to me to let someone play me for a fool. I went about the rest of my day and got things done that had to be done. That is an excellent tool for me. It keeps the whole day from being flushed down the toilet!---Bunnypie |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 18, 2016 18:44:36 GMT -5
Just for today, I will practice the principles of my program in all of my affairs. I must remember that the principles of the program are applicable to my home life, in the community, at work, and out of the rooms of recovery.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 18, 2016 23:27:31 GMT -5
YES! the principles of the program can apply to all areas of our lives!!! Good reminder! Thanks----Bunnypie |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 19, 2016 19:31:56 GMT -5
Just for today, I will live in the moment. I will accept what is and not put high expectations on myself, especially when my body protests too much. One of my favourite pictures. Not sure if it is telling me not to pig out or not, but my oven is hot and it is time to go make some chocolate chip cookies.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 19, 2016 21:09:51 GMT -5
OH JO!!!----The message I got from that picture is "don't throw your pearls to swine" I have tried to help people that just don't get it or want it and are going thru the motions to get out of trouble with the courts & cops. I have a message to carry to people who need it and also want it! It has to be both or else I am wasting my time!!! As Bunnypie Sees It!!! (great picture & great reminder) |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 20, 2016 19:31:02 GMT -5
Just for today, I will make good use of my time. I will do what is in my best interest and for my Higher Good. I will look after me so that I have something to give away to others. As they say, "If you don't give it away, you lose it."  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 20, 2016 23:05:49 GMT -5
I have always thought it was a paradox to give it away in order to keep it but it does work! When I share a message at a meeting it reinforces it to myself! The magic of the program!!! |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 21, 2016 2:16:42 GMT -5
Just for today, I will focus on my recovery. What do I need to do for my sobriety. My sponsor said that sobriety meant soundness of mind. For me, that means working on my emotional well being. In order to obtain that, I need to focus on my spiritual sobriety, so that I don't get the thoughts of picking up. Stinking thinking can lead to picking up. It doesn't have to be my drug of choice, it can be something else, which in turn will take me back to active addiction. The substance is but a symptom of my dis-ease.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 21, 2016 3:25:22 GMT -5
It is easier to stay straight then it is to get straight. I can maintain a hell of a lot easier then I can obtain! I love the word "focus" because it is something I really need to do in order to maintain---Bunnypie |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 21, 2016 9:28:35 GMT -5
Yes, when I say "Remember When!" I say remember early recovery, detoxing and all the feelings that came out when we quit using, not just the sins and omissions of our using days. I also try to remember that SIN, is Soul In Need, looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. I try to remember that it isn't the smartest way of thinking and how many 'people, places, and things' that I used along the way. I don't want to go back there.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Feb 21, 2016 13:22:51 GMT -5
It seems to be a matter of perspective: what it used to be like, what happened, & what it's like now! I get a lot of gratitude knowing that I have come a long way baby!!! |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 22, 2016 16:42:23 GMT -5
We have a disease of perception. I always try to include in my daily prayers the healing of my perception, asking for clarity and inner knowing. Sometimes it feels like I have been around 24 months instead of 24 years. It just goes to show, it is a 24 hour a day program.  |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 22, 2016 16:44:56 GMT -5
Just for today, I will ask for my God`s Will for me and the power to carry that out. I will to will His Will, not mine be done.  |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.