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Post by lala on Jun 15, 2004 18:45:59 GMT -5
i am a daughter of recovering alcoholic parents and im forever loosing my identity when im arround them i become this little lost girl who dont know what to do how to think act or feel its rather strange i love my folks more then life and i know they love me but for some reason i cant seem to be the adult i am when im arround them im working on this on a daily basis but i feel im not making any headway........lala
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Post by caressa on Jun 15, 2004 22:09:56 GMT -5
Dear Lala,
I can identify, those old tapes are killers for me. My parents have passed away a long time ago, and I still here the tapes playing. What I need to remember is that I am the one pushing the play button.
How you dress, how you act, how you present yourself was ingrained in me at a very early age. I can still put on the 'company' manners, be the 'happening' looking for a place to land, and the clown, who is hurting and doesn't want anyone to know so I cover it up with laughter. I think there is also the little girl syndrome and the feeling of helpless and not being able to do in the face of authority and the rebel who says, "don't tell me, watch me!"
In today, I can recognize the role playing, and thankfully I can take it to my HP and turn it over today. I just got off the phone with my sister. She is coming here after her tests at the hospital tomorrow and will be hear for lunch. For many years I gave up my power to her because of my guilt and her holier-than-thou attitude, you are the drunken addict and I am the upstanding Sunday School superintendent for over ten years and on the fair board committe, and....
I taught Sunday School at sixteen, that never stopped me from being an addict. I sang in the choir until I was twenty, that didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic, in fact it was communion wine I stole at 10, which gave me the warm fuzzy feelings I was searching for all my life. The sad thing is that this is a progressive disease, and when I found them, I couldn't stay there, I had to have more.
Today I know who I am, and today I can set boundaries, and I am aware of when she is condescending and hightly suspect in her motives and I am able to see it for what it is and not take it personally and in truth, am glad that I am the one with a Twelve Step Program. The three of us grew up in the same dysfunctional family.
I didn't know who I was when I came in. A fellow asked me once if I kept trackof how many hairstyles and colours I had in a year. Another fellow said, "Do you think we won't recognize you just because you changed the colour of your hair?" I actually think I did!
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Post by caressa on Jun 15, 2004 22:30:31 GMT -5
God does work in mysterious ways. I left here to check my mail and found an old copy of a Reiki Newsletter. This was the message: It is time to face the fact that our attitudes and beliefs about ourselves are our own. We may have learned them from others, but the others are not responsible for them in the here and now. We are. If we choose self-pity and pessimism, we make a choice that makes our live worse. When this appears, it indicates that this is a time when understanding that concept is especially important - a time when there is some sort of a crunch in the situation that offers someone the opportunity to notice and change such self-destructive habits. If it is yourself, you know what you need to do. If it is someone else, you may wish to consider how you might support them in this opportunity for change. Can you make sure to give positive feedback at every appropriate opportunity? Can you refrain from nagging, scolding, or complaining at them when they get it wrong? These things help. - material used with permission groups.msn.com/StarChoices/walkwithme |
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Post by lala on Jun 16, 2004 11:21:30 GMT -5
hi thanks for the reply and reading your reply was like reading me what a trip. i know it wont be like this forever and i thank you for the kind words of wisdom...lala
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.