30+ Years I had no idea what was wrong

[antonyeo]

For 30 I have had so many problems, especially with relationships. I thought I was just that type of person…always unhappy always angry but for no reason. One day I sat down and read a book that was recommended to me. I was absolutely shocked at how detailed the descriptions in the book closely matched my life. It was the most profound moment in my life, with a doubt! And now I know there are many other people just like myself but many of them have NO IDEA! That’s scary!

I have started this path to recovery but I have doubts about being able to recovery from something so engraved in my life. Please tell me it’s possible to fully recover from the effects of having an alcoholic/ abusive parent…please. This is all very new to me; I only discovered my problems over the last 30-days. I don’t have a drug addiction myself and I don’t drink much at all yet I find myself acting just like my step-father.

What’s a man to do?

[caressa]

Thank you for sharing. We are given the promise that "we do recover" at the beginning of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous where the Twelve Step program originated.

It is really miraculous how this program can be applied to many people, from all backgrounds and all walks of life. I too am an adult child of an alcoholic father and a mother who died as a result of her use of food to deal with my father's alcoholism and her own pain.

As a result of my own pain, I became an alcoholic and was addicted to prescription drugs.

It doesn't mean it will go away. It says we will recover from that hopeless state of mind and body. There is a solution. It is called the Twelve Steps.

By coming here today, you have taken a portion of the First Step. The spiritual principles of the first step are admittance, surrender, honesty and acceptance. I too found out that my life is unmanageable, especially managed by me. It is unmanageable because of all the old tapes and mixed messages I received growing up and all the conflicting messages and experiences I have had since.

There is a fellowship of spirit amongst those who have been there, and experienced the same things you did and that not feeling alone, is a priceless gift. We come together and share with others so we can identify our problems, find a solution and go on and live productive, manageable, and healthy lives just for today.

For me, I have a thinking problem. I have had to unlearn a lot of things, relearn others, and keep an open mind to other's ideas and concepts so I can find what works for me.

Please keep coming. Each day is a new beginning, so have a great one. Each day we become aware, we are given freedom of choice. We can push the play but which takes us back to yesterday, or we can make a new tape, and play it in today.

[antonyeo]

You have no idea how much that reply means to me. This is a scary time for me; I have always been "Mr Big and Bad" when in fact now I know I'm not that person at all. All the conflicting emotions I have had over the years have done some real damage (mentally and physically). I will try to visit this site daily and I hope I can share some stories and hear some as well because at this point I have learned that talking about it and getting things in the open is very effective.

Thanks,
Antonio

[Lin]

Welcome to EOR Antonio! When I read FROM SURVIVAL TO RECOVERY...the AlAnon book abuot adult children, I was amazed at how much it sounded like my life. Now with the daily readings inHOPE FOR TODAY I often read a page and think the author must have been outside my window looking in when he wrote it.

One of the awesome thing s about recovery..we learn we are not crazy and we learn we are not alone . We never have to deal with the frustratins alone again.

Tonight i am chairing the meeting for a lady on vacation. I do hope you can drop in for a meeting. 8 eastern, 7 central and 5 pacific.

WELCOME! Glad you are here and keep coming back!
LIN

[adagio]

Glad to see you, Antonio. And join the club...your first post in which you mentioned that you were 'always unhappy always angry but for no reason ', was me exactly. And I think I went longer than you before someone pointed out my anger and then pointed me to Al-Anon (I'm both). More than a year later, I have gotten rid of most of the anger, except when an old memory surfaces, then I try then to use our 12 step tools to mke sure that I don't go overboard. My husband says that I am too old to be happy, and thinks I am just as mean and argumentative as I was....both untrue. Just keep coming back.

[antonyeo]

Ironicly I have to meet with my Therapist at 5p.m so i won't make the online meeting (I'm Pacific time). I will certainly come back to site.

I'm thinking I may need another therapist since she knows very little about ACOA.

thanks

[lildee]

Dearest Antonyeo,

There is another option for you. Might you be willing to try going to ACOA meetings? You could check your local listings or follow this link

www.adultchildren.org/

If you go there scroll down to the bottom of the page there is a link for meetings by state.

Hopefully you will find a face to face meeting that fits your time frame.

God Bless & Keep coming Back
Arlene

[SaraLee]

Dear Antonyeo,

Welcome to EOR and recovery. Having desire is the first step for change, and from what you posted you are right on tract. Recovery is a process so learn all you can and apply what you learn. I wish you well.
SaraLee