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Post by Lin on Feb 9, 2004 17:49:41 GMT -5
I grew up trusting people who could not be trusted. I was expecting my parents and my husband later to support me and encourage me. I was expecting them to nurture and comfort me. Instead they lied, broke promises, put me down, found fault in me, and totally let me down. It's no wonder I have trouble trusting even today.
I have learned I can trust my Higher Power. I have learned that most fo the time I can trust msyelf. (This one took years...) ANd I have learned that certain people in my life can be trusted and others i need to be cautious around.
TRUST...it takes time to change life-long habits and to get healthy habits established.
How do you handle TRUST?
LIN
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Post by Caressa2 on Feb 9, 2004 23:07:30 GMT -5
This is a whopper for me! The biggest problem I had was learning to get by the old tapes and learning to trust myself.
Those old tapes are killers, they have so many mixed messages, and they came from sources as you say, which you thought were realiable and in the know.
Today I know, that is is about what is good for me. What is good for me may not be good for someone else. It is important that I trust my Higher Power to lead and guide me in t he way I need to go for myself.
It is important for me today to listen to others, taken in what I hear, then process it and see what applies to my life, what is good for me and what isn't.
My advisor use to say, you can learn to things at a meeting. HOW to work your program and how not to work it! It isn't always about the past either, I have found it also applies to long standing members in the Fellowships, and coming to realize that if that is sobriety, I don't want it. When I see people acting out in their old behavior, not walking their talk, then I have to be grateful to them for carrying me a message.
Unfortunately some carry the message that "To drink and to drug is to die!" For me to continue in my dis-ease then I too can go back to that place of chaos and insanity.
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Post by preciouschihua on Feb 11, 2004 12:53:15 GMT -5
Wow, I wish you could elaborate on this a little more.
Seemed like you just got started, good.
as you have my attention.
Trust, what's that. The only one I trust today is ME.
well -- and my dog. sorry! not a good day for me today.
I can tell you I am definatelly not having a good day.
Suz
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Post by SunnyGirl on Feb 11, 2004 12:59:11 GMT -5
Learning to trust is often difficult.... Trusting myself and the decisions I make, are still a little difficult for me. But, today I have surrendered my life and place all my trust in my loving Higher Power. ( ( ( ( Suzzzzzzz ) ) ) ) Sorry to hear you are having a bad day.....  I have a gratitude journal and when I am feeling down, I go there and read about all the wonderful blessings I have been given. It just sorta picks my day up a notch! Peace on the journey, SG |
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Post by usdupn02 on Feb 11, 2004 13:32:07 GMT -5
Great topic. I find that I am trusting to a fault and then when I get messed over, it takes forever for me to trust that person again. Things can be going along very well with absolutely no reason to have those mis-trusting feelings appear but they will raise their ugly heads in a heartbeat. When that happens, all kinds of bad habits on my part try to kick in....the playing detective, the accusations, the doubt..etc. I really try to turn things over to HP when I feel all those "old tapes" that Caressa referred to, kick in. This is very difficult tho, as I want to trust myself but sometimes myself is being irrational. Being unsure is not a good feeling..lol As I look back, I realize that I was like this long before I ever had to deal with addicts so must take full responsibility myself. The good part is that now I realize that I have this characteristic to work on and actually catch myself slipping into bad habits before instead of after the fact.
Janet
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Post by Caressa2 on Feb 11, 2004 22:05:17 GMT -5
Not sure where to post this, but had a thought a few minutes ago on my way back from the store.
I remembered telling someone that I had been watching them trying, but what I had seen in reality was someone going through the motions. I wanted to trust this person, and I want to get along with her, but in hindsight (which is a good teacher), all she was doing was using me.
There was no motivation behind the motion. No real honest desire to change, it was about everyone else accommodating her. When they say, it takes one to know one, it sure is true. What makes me grateful is the fact that I don't act out like that anymore. I am grateful that I can trust my instincts and realize what I was hearing wasn't the truth. There were just too many things that didn't match up with the lies I had heard before.
So many times we hear what we want to hear, and although I use to think it wasn't good to read between the lines but it is sometimes a good thing to be aware. Again, it is being in touch with your Higher Self and trusting your Inner Knowingness.
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Post by lildee on Feb 14, 2004 3:11:35 GMT -5
Trust that is a biggie. At this point in my life I trust myself and God. As for the "A" I am not really sure if that complete trust will ever be restored. For now I gauge his trust by his actions. What he says he will do and what he actually does. There have just been too many lies too submit myself to trusting fully again. So I trust only the one who will not fail me. My God above.
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Post by Lin on Feb 14, 2004 7:05:07 GMT -5
I can remember a time in my life when I could nto trust myself at all. I was afraid my choices would be ther wrong ones. So i stewed and fretted and then often made no choice at all. it was like...if I was trying to decide what kind of plate to eat my supper on. And i'd look and think and debate in my head..as if the plate police were giong to come and get me if i made the wrong choice. TRUST was something that really took time.
I mentioned i have certain people i am cautious around when it comes to trust. My husband has a cousin. We are very close to her and her family. We've paid her bail several times, and we have bought groceries several times. We have paid her utilities several times. One year she was in a homeless shelter with husband and three kids and we visited them often and tookt hem out to eat and to wal mart. (they'd jsut not work...were using the system to get what they coudl for free.) I gave her kids a computer. it was only 14 months old. it worked very well. It had a printer and lots of games and programs with it. She used it about a month and then hocked it for money to buy drugs. For the longest time she kept lying to me that it was in the shop and later in storage. She lied. finallywhen she told me i was furious. Last week i got a new HP computer. My old one still works fine. it's barely 2 years old. Did i give it to her an d her kids? nope. I set it up in my living room. I tell everybody that is is for the dogs to play on. (and people who know how crazy I am about my dogs, believe me) When she moved into a house a few years ago I measured all of her windows and bought rods and fabric and in two days had bought, made and hung curtains on every window. I bougth bedspreads for the kids rooms. I bougth her 5 lamps and two were hung from the ceiling. I bought all kinds of cleaning supplies and rugs too. She moved out after about 2 months and left it all there. So she is somebody i don't trust right now. i have been hurt too many times and have been too nice to her and her family to deserve this. She has not proved to me that she can be trusted right now. I am cordial...i do Christmas and birthdays for her and her kids..invite the kids to spend the weekend, etc. But I refuse to go out on a limb again. I am polite but cautious.
LIN
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Post by SaraLee on Feb 14, 2004 16:28:02 GMT -5
I grew up trusting everyone but myself. Often I looked at others in awe for their talents, looks, and their opinions. Most of the time I allowed others to tell me how to live my own life, what ever they said I should do, I did. I was a great follower. But inside I burned with resentment towards those same people I idolized and followed. Obviously there was a part of me who wanted to believe I knew myself better than they did, if only I had the courage to follow my own heart!
It took a whole lot of growing up and learning from the 12 step program and therapy for me to realize that my talents and opinions are just as valuable as any one elses. But it continues to be on going work for me to accept that for myself. I know it, but I don't always show it. Each day brings more strength to me and more courage to listen to my own good sense and act on it.
SaraLee
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Post by majestyjo on Dec 2, 2015 18:34:56 GMT -5
Trust, a think that can be fleeting, or steadfast, like my trust in my God. I know I can't trust my son when he is in active addiction. I know it is his disease talking and I have to look behind the dis-ease and see the person who is hurting. He is incapable of trusting. Only through finding recovery and working and applying the 12 Steps to my life was I able to trust my God, and then and only then, truly trust myself. I thought I was in control, and I was the great I am; yet we all know that control is an illusion. Without my God, I don't have the power to control anything. When I surrender, follow the program, I am enable to do what I need to do for myself in today to stay clean and sober. I learned to trust the program. There were many people working their program, that I also learned to trust.  |
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Post by majestyjo on Feb 10, 2018 9:40:18 GMT -5
A good topic. I trust the program in today. I trust my God too see me through life and through the program and my God, I have learned to trust myself. I don't second guess myself so much any more.
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Post by caressa222 on Apr 26, 2020 4:13:20 GMT -5
Good stuff. Trust the program, learn to have new awareness, test my God, and slowly learned to trust myself.
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