Sunday meeting topic

[Lin]

The topic for tonight's ACOA meeting is CHANGING THE THINGS I CAN.

I hope to see you there! 8 PM eastern, 7 central and 5 pacific.

LIN

[Caressa2]

My apology to those at tonights meeting. I had just got home from my f2f meeting and stopped to say hello.

My boyfriend had his sponsee here and they were watching a movie which ended, and the decision was made that it was now time for dessert. We were all full from dinner (ham, pineapple slices with a thickened sauce of pineapple juice, dry mustard, maple syrup and French's Bold 'n' Spicy Prepared Mustard, scalloped potatoes, broccoli, turnip and a green tossed salad with havarti cheese, slivers of carrot and sliced mushrooms) and the thought of dessert did not enter the picture.

I didn't want to go to my group because I was full and tired from all the preperation and from the consumption of the above repast. Yet the whole idea of the evening, was for me to leave and go to my meeting so the two of them could spend the time together. That they sat and watched Matrix instead of discussing the Step in question, is none of my business. Or I would have felt it necessary to inform them of the error of their ways. That was a change because how many times we went to someone else's home and we did, just to be polite or we felt obligated to not say 'no' or that we didn't like something, etc.

I got distracted by strawberry ice cream and fresh strawberries, and I was into self instead of staying focused on the meeting, I allowed myself to think, me first. What I needed to change, was the desire to interupt the meeting if I wasn't going to give it and my friends my full attention and so I need to ask for courage to let go of my self-centeredness, and I do ask you all for your forgiveness.

I also need to change the behavior of posting befoe I proof read and edit so I don't have to 'modify' so many times.

[Caressa2]

Either I am very sick and full of self, which is probably true; but I couldn't leave this post with just pineapple. I turned off my computer and came back on to tell the 'whole' truth. It seemed like the word 'pineapple' was a lie. I cut up the ham, and simmered it in the sauce along with the pineapple rings after I removed the rind and excess fat.

I know I am a good cook, but I hadn't cooked ham for a long time and this one was straight from the butcher and not pre-cooked. I found myself with some anxiety. For years I put myself through major anxiety every time I cooked for someone because I feared it wouldn't turn out 'just right' or that they wouldn't like it. Even tonight, I had to accept the fact that I hadn't watched or stirred the scalloped potatoes and they were a little bit "dry" and crispy on top although the boyfriend said he liked them that way.

The courage today is allowing myself to be less than perfect, to make mistakes and allow things to be other than the way I would have them and not beat myself up for having 'failed' to live up to my own expectations.