Oprah's Show on Alcoholism Today

[clover]

This afternoon I stumbled upon Oprah's show. She was confronting women who might be alcoholic. It was hard for me to watch.... changed the channel a couple of times and came back to it. The counselor talked about the effects of one mother's drinking on her children and I found myself sitting here nodding "yes" over and over... that the children didn't know what would happen next, the feelings of worthlessness and lack of trust that they would experience as they grew up if the woman didn't get help NOW. (No counseling was ever mentioned for the children, just intervention for the mom.) I thought how I am still so effected by my mom's years of drinking... and still don't feel worthy, can't trust, etc.
They also talked about how alcoholism is a disease and clarified this by saying that people who are alcoholic have a genetic disposition to being alcoholic. I have heard this theory bantered about, but didn't realize that it had been proven. Anyway, I figure that I am predisposed, also, as my grandfather and mother were both alcoholics. I won't drink, I don't drink. But I figure I have other addictions of sorts..... like food and shopping.
Anyway, just needed to share about how this show stirred some things in me. Thanks for reading!

clover

[adagio]

I missed that show, but I would have been nodding right along with you. I'm still trying to feel less worthless. My sponsor helps...he has believed in me, etc., so how can I not believe in myself?

[Lin]

I wish I'd seen that one too! I would have been nodding also. And i agree..they shoudl have also been talking about support for the kids. We were at a carpet/flooring store during the time Oprah was on. Sorry i missed it.

LIN

[~graced~]

Shoot! I missed the show. Sounds like it was powerful for some folks here. Listening to other's stories has been one of the ways I got clarity of what was 'lurking' for me, things that were still running the show for me that I hadn't necessarily been open or 'ready' to see before. More was revealed when the student was ready. And the messages came from the most uncanny places. Sometimes I tried to shoot the messenger...LOL I don't always like when wounds are opened and I'm reminded that I ain't done growing yet. My sponsor called them AFGO's (Another F***ing Growth Opportunity) LOL Sometimes that's the attitude I took it in. I wasn't always thrilled at the opportunity to look at my part of the problem and doing some growing!

Dunno, Adagio....I guess I'd pass on to you that it's been a process of peeling layer after layer of the 'ick' off that got plastered on by remarks or doings of the alcoholic parent, ones I don't have to let define me today. I got convinced, directly or indirectly, that I wasn't 'good enough'. Those three little rules (don't talk, don't trust, don't feel) were pretty powerful rules. Having an opinion was a dangerous thing, feeling good about a personal accomplishment was dangerous--it would be ripped from you and torn apart in a heart beat. The important thing was the alcoholics feelings, the alcoholics comfort, the alcoholics wants and needs. Get in the way of that, even inadvertantly and you could well guess that bad things were going to happen.

I spent a lifetime watching my every move in hopes of controlling what came my way in some shape or form. False sense of control, of course. Cuz in alcoholic household A+B=C SOMEtimes....and other times it added up to a whole different letter of the alphabet! There never was any way of controlling it--insanity was me trying to, over and over and over again....

I don't have to live by those rules anymore. And it's been a concerted effort to do the opposite of what I was conditioned TO do. Telling the truth was a freeing thing. Finding someone/some group that I could tell the truth TO was a G-d send. And for me, that's where recovery started--FINALLY I could tell the TRUTH. And I was graced to have a sponsor who repeatedly challenged how I was looking at things--cuz there's more than one way to look at things.

Ya know, strange as it sounds, I'm glad I came from where I came from. It's given me some wonderful assets...but peeling off those layers of 'ick' to see that truly was a process that's taken time and effort and a willingness that sometimes waned. That's why it was important to stick with folks who'd found what I wanted and were willing to trudge through the 'ick' with me. They believed in me when I didn't have the energy and loved me when I dared not.

So, let him love ya and believe in ya, Adagio...sometimes that was enough to carry me until I could rise above the 'ick' to see some good in me. And if'n ya don't mind (and even if ya do....) WE'LL just keep loving ya and believing in your greatness as well.

((((((((((Adagio)))))))))))

(((((((everybody))))))))

Be safe, stay well...

[adagio]

Aaaww, thanks graced. Besides the don't talk and don't trust, the big one for me is don't feel. My emotion on an issue that I KNOW is in my background takes a while to make itself known...precisely because I was raised that way. And I tend to shoot the messenger too..lol. Graced, I like your sponsor's shorthand way of saying AFGO...hehe. I REALLY don't like it when those wounds are opened. My sponsor is continually telling me that what I PERCEIVE is not true.
About the personal accomplishment, graced. This is unusual, but since I know that I could have done more besides act out, my sponsor has led me to a site where people write parodies. I write them and get a sense of accomplishment.
I told him that it was such a relief to tell my dirty little secrets to someone (my sponsor)! He (sponsor) doesn't realize fully, I don't think, because he is AA, but he's my friend (3 years) and led me to Al-Anon because he realized I had such anger built up. Now, most of it is gone. There is even a page in the daily reader for ACOA that talks about ACOAs fearing that they would have to die with those dirty little secrets.