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Post by bunnypie on Jul 12, 2016 0:42:49 GMT -5
I am suspicious that all my different problems are a sign that I am not healing as fast as I should. I don't trust that I am gonna be in good shape for Thursday to get more chemo. I am suspicious that something is wrong. I don't trust that the doctors are doing everything they can to help me. I have to trust God and let whatever is gonna happen and just surrender......
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 12, 2016 5:53:52 GMT -5
rust doesn't mean give up. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means giving over to our Higher Power. When I am suspicious, a try to get information from the internet, talk to friends, and talk things over with my doctor. It is not good for me to stew in my own head. I try to stay positive instead of looking at the worst case scenario, but pray and ask for the healing that I need and as a friend told me many years ago, "Put it out to the Universe and see what you get back." From my Flower Therapy cards: The Flower Power - Carnation Trust - You can trust the people around you. They are Earth Angels seent to give you the guidance you need. Look at the true intentions of your relationships and are they working for you. If you are not trusting God, you are not trusting yourself. Is your relationships working for you and if not what do you need to change to find a soul mate?  |
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 12, 2016 7:08:13 GMT -5
I have been so sick & tired all I have the strength to do is sleep and go online. I can barely eat or use the bathroom and to take a shower is monumental task. I have not felt any stronger but have had bursts of energy. I am suspicious that something is very very wrong......
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 12, 2016 7:15:28 GMT -5
Continued prayers my friend. Perhaps you should go to emergency or call your doctor for an appointment. Tell them what is going on. Do you have medical coverage for this? You can't have energy if you can't have some kind of substance put in your body. Not eating is bad for many reasons and not condusive to good health. It is too bad you don't have the energy to look at the other posts on the site to feed your body, mind and spirit. It saves energy if you check out the last 50 pages posted at the bottom of the forum.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 12, 2016 14:12:21 GMT -5
Oh Jo!!!----you are a ball of energy and I am just amazed at how you can cover so much territory! I do the best I can to stay current with the chipping away and coffee shop. I thank you again & again for responding and making it feel like I am not talking to myself. I realize we probably have people reading but not joining in on our talks. I am just folding like a cheap card table and the red blood cells are probably still real low. I have to be honest I am wallowing in sloth right now. I have not got out of my nite shirt or had a shower yet and it is after 2pm in the afternoon. I did manage to have a bowl of cereal and a banana. I got some more sleep. I feel like if I call the cancer center they will try to reschedule me for more tests. My land lord will have to change his day off from work and it will a huge upheaveal and pain in the A$$. I am scared to cancel chemo and I am scare not to cancel chemo. I am riding the fence and getting splinters in my crotch!!! d**nned if I do and d**ned if I don't!!! So like a typical alkie I do nothing!!!----Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 12, 2016 16:38:49 GMT -5
Is there a food service that you can use to bring you meals. We have meals on wheels here plus a couple of others, which have more appetizing meals, but you do get choice. I think most root vegetable are good for your red blood cells. I thought of you last night when I was eating my turnip.  Continued prayers. Trust the process, ask for healing.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 12, 2016 21:44:22 GMT -5
I have to go down 15 stairs to the kitchen and get something to eat. I do keep a box of crackers in my room along with bottles of water. I have a bottle of water next to the bed and bottle of water across the room on the computer desk. So I always have crackers & water if I can't make it down the stairs. YOU are so blessed to have Meals on Wheels!!! It sounds like you live in a great place!!! I got a call from the cancer center and they want me to keep my appt for Thurs. 8am for chemo. They will give me a blood test before they do it to make sure I have enough red & white blood cells to be wiped out before the do it! It is up the DR to decide what to do so I have to just wait and see what happens. I will just try to get as much rest and eat what I can. Hope for the best & cope with the rest.....Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 13, 2016 0:05:33 GMT -5
So what do you need to do to change your situation. Living on crackers and water is not healthy. Can you not get help from others. Going down stairs would be the same as me, not being able to climb stairs to go to the bathroom. I applied to Hamilton Housing to get emergency subsidized housing. I got moved in 10 days. I considered it a miracle, but then I know that my God works in my life and He supplies my needs. You need to eat. I shall pray that you find a solution. It must be the lateness of the hour. The song that came to mind was MacNammara's Band.  |
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 13, 2016 19:47:47 GMT -5
I can still walk and I have to force myself to walk to the bathroom and down to the kitchen. As long as I am able to walk they want me to move and exercise. I am slow moving but I have all day to get there. I am not on a time table and don't have to rush. I just am impatient with my body and have to get use to moving slow. The mind wants to move fast but the body just won't be rushed. When I am not able to walk and go to the bathroom by myself or able to pour a bowl of cereal with milk then I will truly be in deep sh*t and have to be bedridden. I am fighting having that happen because in my mind that is the beginning of the end. I can still do emails but talking on the phone or in person just wears me out. I am trying to hang onto what I can do and not dwell on what I can't do. It is a real struggle because I took for granted being in good health and doing what ever I wanted when ever I wanted. There is a line in an old Joni Mitchell song that says "Don't it always seem to go? you don't know what you've got till it's gone? they paved paradise and put up a parking lot!!!" Old Rock & Roll words of wisdom!!!!!---------Bunnypie
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 14, 2016 19:31:53 GMT -5
As you say, you don't miss it until it is gone. The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak. I just can't do what I use to do and have a hard time accepting that. I just keep trying to do the best that I can and not beat myself up when I fall short of my expectations.
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Post by bunnypie on Jul 14, 2016 21:23:54 GMT -5
My sponsor constantly tells me to not push and not have too many expectations!!!! she is right and I grudgingly admit that. I am constantly disappointed in my self and others. There was some famous sports guy who said "you show me a good loser and I will show you a loser!" LOL it is a little harsh! but I do see what he is saying. Self esteem and acceptance are so d**n hard to get and so easy to lose!!!-----Bunnypie
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.