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Post by bunnypie on Sept 8, 2016 0:33:23 GMT -5
I am not really willing to face chemo today. My bowels have been over worked and I don't want to get poisoned again. The chemo is poison that they put into my veins with an IV bag. It kills the cancer but also kills good cells too! The doctors are stubborn that I need to do this. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know it is what has to be done for me to recover. The 12 steps of the program are what I have to do to recover from that fatal disease. I have to be stubborn and just pray to be willing to be willing. Nobody ever said it was easy!!!!!!-----Bunnypie  |
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Post by Lin on Sept 8, 2016 6:31:39 GMT -5
It's so sad to hear you have having to deal with chemo. I always try to find something positive in uncomfortable situations. Maybe reminding yourself that if this was 30 years or so ago, there was nothing they could do to even give you a chance. At least with chemo, you are trying something to get kick it.
Stubborn or willing? I can look at this from so many angles. I am stubborn when it comes to allowing anybody to steal my serenity. And I am willing to do whatever it takes to find peace and happiness in my life. Often it's just enduring his manic episodes and not saying anything.
LIN
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Post by bunnypie on Sept 8, 2016 15:21:24 GMT -5
Oh Lin!!!!----I just got home from chemo and they told me I took too many laxative pills. The doctor claims I have to wait 2-3 day for it to work. I made a real bad mistake thinking one a day every day for 3 days! The college of hard knocks! I am paying high tuition learning!!! YES! you are absolutely right about the advances in treatment. I only have (3) three more chemo sessions and will be finished by the end of September. They told me I am NOT terminal or dying that I will kick this thing!!! It is such a long hard process and I am folding like a cheap card table!!! I want to say that your love for your husband is so admirable. Lois W. was the wife of Bill W. and she started Alanon because she loved her husband so much and wanted to hang in there. YOU are comparable to Lois W. and you are a founding member of this site Essence of Recovery. It is my opinion that you do have some strong esssence of recovery and also some good stubborn assets that have kept you hanging in there. I really think that a defect can become an asset when it is used the right way. Your last line reminded me of the old game show that would announce "It's not what you say it's what you don't say!!!" Thanks for stopping by! So good to hear from you!!! Hugs & Stuff----Bunnypie  |
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Post by majestyjo on Sept 8, 2016 23:11:29 GMT -5
To be honest, I think I have been stubborn in a lot of ways, but thanks to the program, I have a much more open mind and willing to embrace change.
I didn't like the old me, especially the one I saw in my using dream at 2 years sober. I don't want to be that kind of woman. The person that was is no more.
I am glad to hear that they said you are not dying. They do great things in the medical field in today. I know for me personally, I am so grateful for the program and what it has given me. I phoned the woman tonight who gave me a painted tin-plate of a wren. We shared some great remember whens, it was nice to talk about the good things that happened on our journey.
As I have said many times, When I find myself unwilling, I need to pray for the willingness to be willing. That is just the beginning, and when the willingness comes, there is more work to be done.
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Post by bunnypie on Sept 9, 2016 0:11:45 GMT -5
Thanks Jo! They told me I am not terminal or dying it just might feel that way sometimes! The Serenity Prayer says "the wisdom to know the difference" I pray for that all time!!!!! Bunnypie |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.