Resentments

[Tiger]

As we all know, resentments are very dangerous for the alcoholic.

I would like to share how I handle resentments - a novel approach

Early in our sobriety, my wife would pray for those she resented. I tried that and it didn't work for me because I knew my prayer was insincere......so....I developed my own prayer - "God give them what they deserve"........but....an inner voice told me "I'll give them what they deserve if I can give you what you deserve"......and....I replied "no, no don't do that"....and then something happened:

I began to realize they were not perfect but *neither was I*. If I had a right to live, so did they. It was like we both were on a level playing field. I may not like them but I could tolerate them!......they no longer took any space in my mind.

Since "tolerance" is the lowest form of love, I began to understand that old AA adage "You don't have to like them, you have to love them"

It may be a different slant on handeling resentments......but.....it worked for me

Tiger

[SunnyGirl]

"You don't have to like them, you have to love them"

( ( ( ( Tiger ) ) )

Excellent! A great method for handling resentments
for both sides of the hall......

Peace on the journey, SG

[Caressa2]

I too use to say "I hope they get everything they deserve" and I realized I had to have an attitude adjustment.

One of my favorite passages in the Big Book is the Spiritual Experience. "The terms 'spiritual experience" and "spiritual awakening" ae used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in man different forms.

... many alcoholics have neverthless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming "God-consciousness" followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.

- pages 570 and 571

It is never about the other person, it is about me and my attitude. When I need an attitude adjustment, I either come across a post I need to read, an e-mail that is the result of God's knee-mail, or I go to a meeting and someone will tell my story or reflect what I am going through and I know I have to take it to my HP and turn it over and let go!

[Caressa2]

This topic was the start of my Step Four. It was a place to start because to look at the whole picture was very overwhelming, and it only made me angrier.

Over the years, besides praying for the person who I had a resentment against; asking that they receive health, happiness, prosperity and a new spiritual awareness; I have learned to use some acceptance and gratiitude over the years that it isn't as bad as it use to be.

I was very overwhelmed with resentment, especially against the choices I made in my life, and to top it all off I added the blame game to it all and it made for a very unhealthy equation.

God is a great healer, but I must remember to ask and not take Him for granted. Which brings me back to the five As of change; awareness, admittance, acceptance, action and attitude.

[johnnysgirl]

Dear Tiger---I was not aware that tolerance is the lowest form of love!!!
I have always liked the quote by Bill W
where he says resentments replaced by new interests died from lack of nourishment. If I ignore the resentment and just starve it to death it will go away. It does take a lot longer then your way but it is another
slant on the resentment problem. Thanks
for the new way to do this!!!! Very
interesting and grateful to know this!!
Love & Hugs----Mistyeve