Post by Caressa2 on Feb 27, 2004 9:59:41 GMT -5
Step from the middle, and what do I see?
A person who desperately wants to be free
Of expectations high;identity questioned;
Possibly die
From struggling, from fighting; at what price the cost?
To fragile heart, mind or soul to be lost.
Where do I turn to, and what can I lose?
If I stand up for me and freedom I choose.
I'm d**ned if I do; yet d**ned if I don't
Hold together a family who can't, or just won't
Understand all the fear, the anger and pain
Of being pulled back into the middle again.
Is there a way I could just step aside,
And leave the solutions on others to ride?
Or is it time to claim what is mine
To search deep inside me, and triumphantly find
The person once me; full of high hopes and dreams
That forever were lost in the middle, it seems.
Deep down in the depths of my heart do I see
A glimpse of a woman, courageous and free
whose first step to freedom; as difficult may be
Is to step from the middle and declare,
Look at me.
this is my life; I own it, why can't you see?That it's time that I live it; and I live it for me.
============================================
This was a special reading from Lois Stargratt. I believe I got this from our local women's detox when I was volunteering there.
I am an adult child of an alcoholic, I was married to an alcoholic, my son is an alcoholic and I am a recovering alcoholic.
It didn't seem like I was in the middle but completely surrounded, and I got lost.
It is a family disease, it affects everyone it touches, not just close families but acquaintances and friends. I didn't think I was affected by my father' disease, I only saw him drunk twice until I was 26 years old then I became his drinking buddy.
My mother died at the age of 40 because she used food to deal with my father's addictions when I was 21. She hid it, she didn't talk about it, and it ate her up inside. I had a lot of anger toward her for years. They say it is in the genes and I thought it was because my father was an alcoholic, that I became one. Wrong! He was never there and I ended up with abandonment and rejection issues, but my 'isms' came from my mother who passed them on to me, because she didn't know how to deal with them herself. How can you know something you have never been taught? I took on the adult role full time and 14 and wondered why I was never able to measure up. I had anger because I was never allowed to play, then when I got the freedom, I didn't want to stop playing.
It is a cycle, a circus, and yes I was in the middle of that cyclone of emotional chaos, and it was time to get off because if I had continued the cycle, I know I would have died. I was 49 years old when I found recovery, in two months I will be 62 and I looked better and 59 then I did at 39. I pray that one day at a time I will make it to 69, then I will be drop dead gorgeous! I found the fountain of youth, the Twelve Steps and Traditions which leads to a new life.
A person who desperately wants to be free
Of expectations high;identity questioned;
Possibly die
From struggling, from fighting; at what price the cost?
To fragile heart, mind or soul to be lost.
Where do I turn to, and what can I lose?
If I stand up for me and freedom I choose.
I'm d**ned if I do; yet d**ned if I don't
Hold together a family who can't, or just won't
Understand all the fear, the anger and pain
Of being pulled back into the middle again.
Is there a way I could just step aside,
And leave the solutions on others to ride?
Or is it time to claim what is mine
To search deep inside me, and triumphantly find
The person once me; full of high hopes and dreams
That forever were lost in the middle, it seems.
Deep down in the depths of my heart do I see
A glimpse of a woman, courageous and free
whose first step to freedom; as difficult may be
Is to step from the middle and declare,
Look at me.
this is my life; I own it, why can't you see?That it's time that I live it; and I live it for me.
============================================
This was a special reading from Lois Stargratt. I believe I got this from our local women's detox when I was volunteering there.
I am an adult child of an alcoholic, I was married to an alcoholic, my son is an alcoholic and I am a recovering alcoholic.
It didn't seem like I was in the middle but completely surrounded, and I got lost.
It is a family disease, it affects everyone it touches, not just close families but acquaintances and friends. I didn't think I was affected by my father' disease, I only saw him drunk twice until I was 26 years old then I became his drinking buddy.
My mother died at the age of 40 because she used food to deal with my father's addictions when I was 21. She hid it, she didn't talk about it, and it ate her up inside. I had a lot of anger toward her for years. They say it is in the genes and I thought it was because my father was an alcoholic, that I became one. Wrong! He was never there and I ended up with abandonment and rejection issues, but my 'isms' came from my mother who passed them on to me, because she didn't know how to deal with them herself. How can you know something you have never been taught? I took on the adult role full time and 14 and wondered why I was never able to measure up. I had anger because I was never allowed to play, then when I got the freedom, I didn't want to stop playing.
It is a cycle, a circus, and yes I was in the middle of that cyclone of emotional chaos, and it was time to get off because if I had continued the cycle, I know I would have died. I was 49 years old when I found recovery, in two months I will be 62 and I looked better and 59 then I did at 39. I pray that one day at a time I will make it to 69, then I will be drop dead gorgeous! I found the fountain of youth, the Twelve Steps and Traditions which leads to a new life.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.