Post by Caressa2 on Apr 20, 2004 0:18:47 GMT -5
Imagine a figure who is completely covered in armor. Only his glare of rage is visible, and the whites of the knuckles on his clenched fists. If you look closely at the armor, you can see it's covered with buttons, ready to detonate if anybody so much as brushes against them. In the background there is a shadowy movie that plays in this man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself: you're worth it.
- Zen
When I first came into recovery, people would say, "A lot of anger there, a lot of anger there!" I said, "Where? I don't feel it!" It took me until I quit smoking at seven years to actualy feel the anger and under that was a lot of rejection and abandonment issues that I hadn't been aware of." Five and a half years later, I am still tying to let go of a lot of anger. It started at a very early age, the stuffing and not allowing myself to feel. Letting go is really difficult for me, and forgiveness is something that I have a big problem with. Not just forgiving others, but forgiving myself for all the errors I felt I made.
Today I know I was acting out in my disease, but for most of my life I had two mottos. "Do it with style and grace!" which is funny for a drunk, and "I can't stand stupidity, especially in myself!" These are hard things to live up to and let go of.
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.
If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself: you're worth it.
- Zen
When I first came into recovery, people would say, "A lot of anger there, a lot of anger there!" I said, "Where? I don't feel it!" It took me until I quit smoking at seven years to actualy feel the anger and under that was a lot of rejection and abandonment issues that I hadn't been aware of." Five and a half years later, I am still tying to let go of a lot of anger. It started at a very early age, the stuffing and not allowing myself to feel. Letting go is really difficult for me, and forgiveness is something that I have a big problem with. Not just forgiving others, but forgiving myself for all the errors I felt I made.
Today I know I was acting out in my disease, but for most of my life I had two mottos. "Do it with style and grace!" which is funny for a drunk, and "I can't stand stupidity, especially in myself!" These are hard things to live up to and let go of.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.