Hitting Bottom

[Caressa2]

The bottom I hit which brought me to recovery is very special to me. It is what gave me a second chance at life. Each year of recovery has been the best year of my life.

That bottom wasn't the only one I hit. I had a spiritual bottom at a year sober. I didn't know who God was. It was then that I found out that God was an old tape and as a result I didn't know who God was. It started my spiritual quest which I am still on today.

I had an emotional bottom when my last relationship ended. I had a lot of anger and it was like I had been living a lie for three years.

I believe in the last few weeks I have hit a mental bottom. I had no direction, no desire to do and it was like I was back existing instead of living and just going through the motions. I was not happy.

The reason I share this is because, I didn't have to pick up. I didn't use my new relationship to deal with my feelings from the old one. As a result of working my program, I was aware and applied the tools of recovery to my life. When one door closes, another opens. Not always at the same time, and it was like being in limbo and hung in suspension.

It was difficult deleting my sites yet I realized that I was spreading myself too thin. A dear friend told me this a long time ago, before I came here to EoR.

My life is unmanageable when managed by me. When I let go and let God daily, my life will unfold as it should. New awareness and direction is there, I just have to be open and accepting of it.

[lildee]

My Dearest Caressa,

Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being.
You're a perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exsist.
Unconditional self- acceptance is the core of a peaceful mind.

Love and God Bless,
lildee

[majestyjo]

What a difference a few years make. I am still accepting and have much more awareness in today. There are have been days lately, that I know, but haven't chosen to do anything about it. I still can beat myself up about that.

Today I called my doctor's office for the second time. They said to have the pharmacy send a fax for the medication that I have had many, many times in the past. I called again today and the operator said he received it but hadn't responded to it. I told her that my throat was sore and getting worse. She said perhaps you should come in then. I asked, "Why go in when he will just turn around and prescribe the medication that I am requesting?" She said, "I will give him your message." I have an appointment on the 7th, I don't want to wait until then. I already have a resentment that I am working on. Whenever I have gone to the doctor's for the last 6 plus months, I don't get to see him, I see a student. Quite often things get lost in the process and it is much easier to diagnose something when you see it.

Thanks for letting me share.