|
|
Post by Tiger on Sept 8, 2004 15:31:42 GMT -5
During my drinking days and early in sobriety I envied everyone. I was programmed to equate "success" by material gains. I just knew that everyone I met had it better than me.....and then....the resentment would lead to something more dangerous.....self-pity! It took a long time of "sober thinking" to realize that each of us have our "cross" to bear, both the rich and poor, the young and old, the strong and weak. It could be family, health, financial or various combinations of "problems". That old Sage Shakespeare once wrote "The world is a stage where we all play our parts" I can see the outside but cannot see the inside of others. If all was known, I might be grateful for where I'm at and what I have! IMO Life is not an Utopia in which we all dance through the tulips......as I once thought others did  In closing, I'll share an old-time AA joke with a moral: An Alkie full of self-pity was standing on the river bank contemplating jumping in. As he was deciding, a pigeon flew over and "plopped" right on his bald head, He looked to the sky and said "God, see what I mean.......for other people birds sing" ;D Still "muddling through" sober a day at a time, Tiger |
|
|
|
Post by ~graced~ on Sept 8, 2004 19:08:43 GMT -5
Oh yeah.....the grass ALWAYS looked greener over there. That oldfart wiseperson told me it was cuz I spread too much BS on my side of the street....LOL I think he had a point! Jealousy and envy were pretty common place for me. They spurned the resentments and that faulty belief that more was better. That was true of booze, drugs, money, material things.....more and YOURS was the penultimate.
Ya know, it was never enough....it'd get old and there'd need to be some new 'thingy' there for me to feel good about. Cuz possession was a sign of wealth and of power. I wanted both.
Oddly enough, I have both today. I couldn't find it, buy it, steal it or earn it--drunk of sober. But there's a whole lotta power and wealth in right living.....I guess I measure those things differently today, thanks to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
*hugs* from another 'muddler'
~~graced~~
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Nov 13, 2004 0:32:46 GMT -5
Was just reading this and thought, "I don't have a lot of power and wealth!" Yet in reality that isn't true, at least not by other people's standards.
In comparison to what I use to have when I was using, I have a lot. I have the power to stay clean. I have the power to make a decision. I have the power to make choices today. I have a wealth of friends. I have a wealth of happiness. I have a wealth of 'stuff' which may not be worth much but are priceless to me.
I have people come up to me and say, "I want what you have!" What they really want is what they could received if they worked for it the same as I did, but they want the quick fix, for me to give it to them, or to tell them how to get it for themselves. It doesn't come by osmosis, it doesn't some by association, it doesn't come by wishful thinking.
I remember coming into the rooms and looking around and thinking, "I want what they have!" That doesn't happen very much anymore. I have a lot of gratitude for what I have been given, and I know that if I want something, I need to go to the Source and not to look to others to achieve it. Faith without works is dead.
As you say, it always looked greener on the other side of the fence. That was because I was too busy using to clean up my side of the fence. Today, I don't have much, and there is always room for more, yet I know that greed is wanting things to be different than they are in the moment. That too is a deadly sin (soul in need) and today, I can take all things to God in prayer, I have a direct line.
|
|
|
|
Post by lildee on Nov 13, 2004 9:13:23 GMT -5
Dearest Tiger,
For me I could have all the money and material things in the world. But if I do not have my self - respect and my self dignity I have nothing. Without myself there is no me. Just my 2 cents worth.
Love & God Bless
Arlene
|
|
|
|
Post by Tiger on Nov 13, 2004 11:01:50 GMT -5
In my youth I used to worship at "the alter of money" and I also confused God with gold!
Some of the happiest people I have met live paycheck to paycheck conversely some of the so called rich I have met are miserable. It seems the more money and power we attain, the more stress and tension accompanies it!!
Give Me The Simple Life....after all......you can't take it with you ;D
Tiger
|
|
|
|
Post by caressa on Nov 18, 2004 2:51:31 GMT -5
Can you remember the last time you felt jealousy? Can you remember the sting, the emptiness, the pain you caused yourself?
Jealousy corroosive as acid, is probably the most successful killer of relationships. Jealousy is not attractive, it is not a compliment, it doesn nothing but drive the lover or friend away. Why does it happen? How do you get it out of your life?
SOURCES OF JEALOUSY:
1. NEED: a belief that without your lover your life will be meaningless, you will collapse, and you will never find another lover. This kind of person tries to dump responsibility for creating happiness in his own life at his lover's feet.
2. FEAR: Some people fear that they are essily replaceable. this arises from a lack of sufficient love and respect for one's self.
3. DESIRE FOR CONTROL: if you are hooked on power and manipulation, jealousy is a desire to control a lover's activities. Most likely this desire has nothing to do with love or caring.
4. CREATING A LOSING SITUATION: Some people unconsciously want to prove their unworhiness by setting up a jealous situation thereby causing themselves pain.
FIRST AID:
1. BECOME WHOLE IN YOURSELF
When you know tht you're strong and can take care of yourself you ARE who you are looking for! You have more to bring to a relationship because there's more of you. By appreciating yourself and being all you need, you learn to accept unconditionally the person you love.
2. LOVE YOURSELF
The more self-esteem and confidence you have the less likely you are to feel jealous. You can believe you'll find a wonderful new partner if this one goes away. The more you love yourself, the easier it is to love another without conditions.
3. WE NEVER OWN ANYONE-WE ONLY BORROW THEM FOR AWHILE
You cannot control anothers love period, if you push yourself on someone, it wil backfire. You can only attrract someone to your side with care and love.
4. LOOK FOR YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN A BAD SITUATION
Ask yourself did I create this situation to prove that:
I am unworthy?
I am a failure?
I can never get (orkeep) what I want?
Men/women are not to be trusted?
I always get hurt in love?
I now have an excuse to get rid of my partner?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT THIS KIND OF PAIN
You always set it up (mostly unconsciously) so you learn lessons that are important for you. You can't blame others for your jealousy, you created the situation! Look deeper and you' uncov er your self defeating patterns. This takes some courage, but when you can see what you do to yourself, you learned 80% of the lesson. Now you need to act on that awareness.
TODAY'S EXERCISE:
Whenever you find yourself drowning in negative, seperating emotions, try first to express love to the person from whom you feel separated if you are too far gone, take a few deep breaths and really get in touch with what you are feeling. Listen to yourself or pound on a pillow. Then ask yourself: what am I telling myself that is causing these emotions? What's the worst that could happen?
Ask yourself what you need right now, has this need created these feelings before? Are you willing to let go of that need? have you had enough suffering?
When you are ready to give up the pain, visualize yourself as you would like to be, strong, free, loving. Start today to break out of your robot-like pattern. Only you can free yourself.
TODAY'S THOUGHT:
Freedom is in choosing to give up pain.
TODAY'S WORDS:
"I am now ready to give up control. I no longer hurt myself. I am strong and wonderful and free."
- from 30 days to happiness by Liah Kraft-Kristaine
|
|
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.