Discipline

[Tiger]

Discipline takes practice.I learned on the program one way of learning discipline is the "practice" of doing one thing (no matter how small) a day that *you don't want to do*! In time, it can become a habit.

Our future is determined not so much on our dreams for the future but on our "actions" of today - "Action" is the magic word!

Tiger

[~graced~]

*raising hand*

Self confessed--I had no discipline prior to coming to this program. Heck, I didn't even show up daily for school--there wasn't anything that I did with consistency, not even drinking or drinking buddies. That changed like the weather--the only thing that didn't change was the results. *sigh*

I had one of those cranky old fart sponsors who was big on discipline. Now, you gotta know that as a 19 year old, discipline to me meant punishment. There wasn't any fun to being 'chained' to something--FREEDOM was my goal! Didn't work so well when you were under house arrest and the only place you could go, you went in the company of this 6'5" dude who definitely could 'take me' if'n he wanted to.

Daily read the Big Book?! "SURE! ("sure"=NO FREAKING WAY) Do a daily reading from some 24 Hour Book?! "SURE!" ("sure"=not if I can help it!) Go to meetings daily?! "SURE!" ("sure"=you've GOT to be kidding...I DO have a life!) Talk with people who come around the tables? "SURE!" ("sure"=no thanks...they're all old and boring) Hit my knees in the morning and again at night? "SURE" ("sure"=you'll never know if I don't!) TELL THE TRUTH about MY life?! Do a written tenth step of my defects/assets at the end of the evening??!?! Whatttttt??? Waittttttttt just a minute there, mister!

LOL Ya get the sense that I wasn't a willing participant in my own recovery? I wasn't. I didn't 'get' what the disciplines of the program could bring to me. I didn't 'get' that if I wanted different, I'd have to DO different.

"If ya always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.....run it til the wheels fall off, babe."

*sigh*
It wasn't until I shut up and got willing to try things that didn't make sense, that I "got" what the disciplines brought to my life. For me, they were a nusance, something that the sponsor would be quizzing me on and doing WITH me if I failed to do them and pass the quiz!

I'm glad he was such a stickler for the disciplines--it brought me the much needed discipline in my life that I failed to have an understanding about until I actually DID them with some regularity. I didn't know what I was missing cuz I truly never had any kind of discipline of that nature! NOTHING lasted in my life--I'd made certain of that.

Ain't no one putting a gun to my head today to fall outta bed and hit my knees....no one's checking to see if I truly DID that morning reading, if I've cracked open The Book and if I've showed up for a meeting and a few folks around the tables. I know the difference in my life from actually DOING those things. I know what happens for me when I stop doing those simple disciplines. My relationship with others get stupid, I get weirded out and I do dumb things. Let's not even talk about the quality of that relationship with my Higher Power suffering and my serenity going down the tubes.....and ego stepping in to do what this ego can do in short order.

I'll keep what works. Yep...the hubby thinks me a bit odd, but he's a sense of why those things are essential in my life---they're just a part of every day life that I do. He doesn't 'have' to get it, I do.

G-d bless the cranky old fart that persevered and the folks who helped him stay the course with me! G-d only knows where I'd be were it not for their loving tolerance and their heart's desire to help me find something different!

[caressa]

This reminds me of what my sponsor told me for many, many years. "Practice, practice, practice, and just when you think you have it right, practice some more.

For most of my life, I rebelled against anything that looked like a cage, a routine, a box, a pattern that always had to be repeated.

In some ways, that was good and I was open to change and if it didn't seem changeable in the moment, I always figured it was subject to change if it wasn't acceptable to me.

I hated labels, confinement, and authority, Some I have been able to put into their proper perspective while others remain an issue still in today. Thankfully this is a program of progress not perfection.

The best discipline I have is the fact that I keep trying and keep practicing the program to the best of my ability. The failure is in the not trying.

The greatest freedom was the affirming of my self-worth and self-respect. It is okay to be me today. I don't have to change to fit other people molds, concept or ideas of who I should be. I don't have to affirm myself through others; I don't have to people please today; and I don't have to use because I don't feel like I measure up to other people's standards or my own perception.

The only thing that I try to maintain any real discipline with is making time for my meditation, my sites, the people I sponsor and my family inside and outside of the rooms of recovery, but with me, I have nothing.