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Post by majestyjo on Mar 22, 2020 21:39:05 GMT -5
What Is Crystal Meth Anonymous?
Crystal Meth Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other, so they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from addiction to crystal meth. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. There are no dues or fees for CMA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. CMA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; and neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to lead a sober life and to carry the message of recovery to the crystal meth addict who still suffers.*
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 22, 2020 21:51:25 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 22, 2020 22:02:19 GMT -5
THE TWELVE STEPS
1. We admitted that we were powerless over crystal meth and our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a God of our understanding.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a God of our understanding praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us, and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to crystal meth addicts, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.
THE TWELVE TRADITIONS
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CMA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority-a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for CMA membership is a desire to stop using.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or CMA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose-to carry its message to the addict who still suffers.
6. A CMA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the CMA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every CMA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Crystal Meth Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. CMA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Crystal Meth Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the CMA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, television, films and other public media.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous have been reprinted and adapted with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc (A.A.W.S.) permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous does not mean that Alcoholics Anonymous is affiliated with this program. AA is program of recovery from Alcoholism only - use of A.A.'s Steps and Traditions, or an adapted version of its Steps and Traditions in connection with programs or activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise.
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 22, 2020 22:24:48 GMT -5
 They say that the drug is but a symptom of my disease. The problem is me A drug is a drug and leads to the same soul sickness, but it is nice to share with others who have been where we have been. I hope you will feel safe enough at Essence of Recovery to come and share your journey with us. |
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Post by joeykins on Mar 23, 2020 5:22:30 GMT -5
The story of a Crystal Meth Addict
my journey began as a young child with addicted parents who were unable to care fro me and my siblings. there was physical mental sexual abuse and neglect from the very get go i had abandonment issues trust issues. as i grew up in foster care and had an amazing foster family i struggled with not really knowing what love was, not knowing what a real family was supposed to look and feel like. when i was about 8 my foster father passed away and that really hurt cause he was the only positive male role model i had in my life, followed by a lot of losses grandfather, grand mother, sister and, my best friend and business partner mike in 2014 my sister in 2012. i guess i always filled the void with scandalous sexual encounters working the street as a homeless teen at 15. i did not start smoking pot pot until i was 16 which progressed to drinking at 18 and dancefloor drugs at 19- 23 when i met my first husband and was introduced to the scene by my group home worker we divorced when i was 23 cause he would be unfaithful verbally and physically abusive looking back on it now its all i knew from a very young age my brother would physically abuse me i was even sexually assaulted by him when i was 12-13. not being able to fill that void that something that was missing with relationships i had al ot of partners to me the meaning of love was sex some lasted a couple of days some a couple of weeks my longest relationship being 3 months before i met my husband we were together 4.5 years. when that broke down and i really could not handle being alone which to this day is my biggest fear i started dating again trying to feel worth something not be thrown away like garbage. It was not until 2010 that i tried meth as a one off i was dating a guy and i did not like how he isolated and ignored me when he used. i never thought about it again until 2015 when i started using it was minimal maybe a $40-$50 bag every 3-4 months and at this point i was only smoking. i worked my jobs had fun friday and saturday and was back to work on mondays. it really did not progress until after my birthday jan 2017 when i met the love of my life on an online hookup site we met and spent 3 days using together and it was bliss I'm not sure when i fell for him i think it was love at first sight here was this 6 foot something guys gorgeous eyes and smile dirty blonde hair he was exactly what i thought beauty is and was and he used he had been through pain and heartache he got me he understood how could i go wrong beautiful and had experience, it was amazing at first then it progressed with his addiction and mine what seemed like every few months turned into what seems like monthly in my recollection what i did not know is his frequency was about the same of mine but his method of use was not smoking it. and he would have fun for a week at a time not just a weekend so soon enough i was not smoking it either it was bliss all over again and we were supposed to share that bliss together but the drugs made him stray soon enough we were at each others throats i would beg him to stop using and get beat with coffee tables etc anyways he left several times and i always longed for him he would go off be with someone else and come back say all the things I needed to hear drugs would be used infidelity would happen id get hurt and he would say let it go its in the past and i would hurt cause abandonment issues from childhood he would threaten to cheat and use and id be more hurt he would leave come back say i was the love of his life in the time he was gone id use he would still email me and call me names call me a junkie which made me feel worse not only cause it was kinda true but id become my parents finally he left met another guy behind my back soon after they were together and planning to get married the whole while i was trying to control my addictions and the pain that relationship had cause d while being taunted and called names threatened with police for being a sleeper and a junkie he even did call the police cause i wanted him and he was living his fairytale with this other man but then things did not work out with the other man and he would email me after reporting to police he wanted no contact. anyways it was not until october 2018 that i reached out to someone in the rooms then it was a friend who told me about the rooms i did not know then that he would be my sponsor. i was not ready at this point to work a program i did not need meetings cause addicts hang out at meetings and addicts use drugs i only needed a meeting when i was feeling a slip or coming back on the wagon. it was not until this year probably end of february beginning of march that i knew i needed help cause i could not do it on my own me and the ex ended up back together no drugs this time but again he could not handle me and could not stick around without conditions or even be a friend at that point always the double standards and justifications for what he did like hes allowed to have fun but i was just a piece of nuts junkie anyways i reached out to my friend again after leaving the area and flying across the country to be with another man i had dted 10 years prior and ended up not using but after a month again i was a negative influence and a suppressed person and he had to kick me out and disconnect i was alone with nothing yet again on the streets of a city i did not know broke triggered alone and wanted to use and did use finally got back home stayed with some amazing friends and they could not house me cause i screwed up and got kicked out of the building i used to live for non payment of rent cause i was allowed to have fun like my ex i mean he used and functioned why couldnt i ? Anyways i ended up back in a motel cause my exs engagement fell through cause i beleive he was still using anyways we gave it a go and it still failed i was alone again in a motel did not use but lost my job i had nothing and noone it felt but my friend and soon to be sponsor to which i reached out and told him i needed help i could not do it on my own id lost everything but some clothes and at this point im wokring my program going to daily meetings trying to get my life back knowing that using only masks things and its just a quick fix and i know that if i pickup again and use im going out with a bang im joe w this is my truth
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Post by caressa222 on Mar 24, 2020 4:53:54 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. Never used this substance, but I had my own poison.
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Post by joeykins on Mar 24, 2020 10:02:31 GMT -5
Living in Social Isolation as a Crystal Meth Addict.
So I find myself in self Isolation because someone around me has come into contact with someone who is under quarantine because they travelled out of country. It's tough cause I sit online in the zoom meetings at the front window of my apartment and watch all the tweakers walk by, wanting to invite them in to an online meeting but not being able to because of social isolation and the fact that this person in my life thinks they are indestructable. Not caring for anyone else's health and im scared i have asthma. So this contact he has had not only strips me of my freedoms but its also putting many others at risk. It means that i cant see my sponsor whos 77.5 years old which really sucks because she lives sooo close 2 block walk and now i cant even see her and risk the spread of this Corona virus cause many show no symptoms. f**k you corona virus and f**k you to the selfish egotistical people who dont take their quarantine and self isolation seriously your putting your friends, neighbors, roommates, moms, dads, kids all at risk. I'm Joe and I'm a crystal meth addict.
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 24, 2020 19:20:05 GMT -5
Make that a recovering crystal meth addict.
Thanks for sharing. People don't seem to realize how serious this is. I went downtown today, and all I saw was garbage, dirt, homeless, and beggers. Even my bank was closed plus three more branches in this area.
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Post by joeykins on Mar 24, 2020 19:44:54 GMT -5
Thanks for the comment that meant alot hit me in the feels. All I can do is keep trying one day at a time becoming more and more sober of mind and responsible in my thought and actions not allowing the selfishness of my addiction take over.
XO love ya Majestyjo
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Post by joeykins on Mar 25, 2020 9:39:21 GMT -5
Are You a Tweaker ?
It Doesn't matter what you call it.It doesn't matter how you did it. It Brought us to our knees, because without exception, that's what it does.
Is Speed a problem in your life? Are you and addict ? Only you can answer those questions.
For most of us who have admitted defeat, the answer is very clear. Yes, we had to admit defeat to win. Speed was our master.
We couldn't control our drug use. What started out as a weekend or occasional use became daily use, and we soon found ourselves beyond human aid. We truly suffered from a lack of power to fix our problem.
Some of us used speed as a tool to work harder and longer, but we couldn't keep a job. Others picked at their faces and arms for hour and hours or pulled out their hair. Some of us had uncontrollable sexual desire. Others endlessly tinkered with projects, accomplishing nothing, but found ourselves so busy we couldn't get to work on time.
We deluded ourselves into thinking that staying up for nights on end was OK, that our tweaking was under control, and that we could quit if we wanted to, or that we couldn't afford to quit, or that our using didn't affect our lives.
Maybe we saw a friend go to jail, or lose their apartment, or lose their job, or lose the trust of their family, or die, but our clouded minds wouldn't admit we were next.
Most of us saw no way out, believing that we would use until the day we died.
Almost universally, if we had an honest moment, we found that our drug use made seemingly insurmountable problems in our lives.
The only way out was if we had the courage to admit that speed, our one time friend, was killing us.
It doesn't matter how you got here. The courts sent some of us, others came for family or friends, and some of us came to CMA on our own. The question is, if you want help and are willing to go to any lengths to change your life.
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Post by joeykins on Mar 29, 2020 19:48:01 GMT -5
Living under a roof with a narcissist and also a meth addict.
I was in a same sex relationship for about 2 years it was physically and mentally abusive. When I had had enough of the dope he haden't which meant that he was going to do what he was going to do which would include inviting other men over to have fun with but should I want to be included he would not be comfortable with that. Which meant I was the sketchbag and I was the cheater and the liar. He would steal my phone during beatings and I would have no way to call for help etc. He controlled me by preying on my love for him I would pay his rent gas things like that but when i needed money it was not his responsibility. Yet if i said no it would mean being beaten or have him threaten to cheat or go use drugs with "his friends" ex's of his that he had obviously been sexual with. I remember he would threaten me and call police and tell them i gave him the drugs when in fact he would call his ex a drug dealer for the drugs anyways he would invite men over have sex with them and dramatize the sex and the sounds while i cried sitting on the floor of our kitchen in the dark. It's tough writing this so maybe i'll make it a series etc. I think this is good for today.
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Post by caressa222 on Apr 10, 2020 16:10:53 GMT -5
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Post by joeykins on Apr 16, 2020 5:43:30 GMT -5
Found out a someone i care about relapsed yesterday i figured that they would..... but sick people say im the bad guy for reaching out and question weather or not im genuine about reaching out, had someone who was struggling over yesterday who was high and used in front of me thankfully today i went to work and im clean and sober if i was not one of the few who are still able to work i probably would be high thanks to my family especially my mom who talks to me on a daily basis and hold me accountable like my sponsor knock on wood i'll have 7 months on may 1st this is the longest period of time i've had clean and sober actually working a program and doing the steps. i've had sponsor take me back out and promoted my relapse on my dollar of course. i've had a homosexual sponsor who was amazing, right now i have a sponsor whos got 28 years clean at 78 years old she calls me on my nuts annoys the f**k out of me at times. i never had this kind of closeness with my family or anyone to which i did not benefit them either in drugs, sex, or money. today im very thankful to be sore from work to feel like a fat ass cause i pig out on food and dont go days or weeks without eating. when i used to be high id block everyone off unless they were using with me or getting drugs for me. I once craved the life of some who give up their values when high and be able to do some of the crazy nuts some people do while high, but today i dont want to go there i value my morals and standards and i dont wanna be a 2 dollar sleeper just for today i dont want to use today i have no desire. ive been high hundreds of times and not once did it ever play out the way i wanted to so im here standing by so i can carry the message to addicts in active addiction who want to stop and want the support and love of recovery.
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Post by caressa222 on Apr 25, 2020 23:49:20 GMT -5
For many years I stayed sick because of the blame game.
Love the slogan, "Let it begin with me.". It isn't about what others are doing. It is about what am I doing for my recovery in today.
Just for today I choose not to use. A drug is a drug. Drugs are but a symptom of my disease.
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Post by joeykins on May 7, 2020 19:44:56 GMT -5
Mothers day weekend for 1 crystal meth addict.
Many mothers days and many may 9th's have been a hard time for me as I usually get high to cope with the fact that i can't be there for my late sisters birthday, and that i lost the court battle to adopt her kids. I lost her nearly 8 years ago and getting high for her birthday usually meant being high for mothers day and being in no shape to visit or call so sadly this year i cant go visit my sister or take flowers to the grave because the cemetery is closed due to covid. So i sent my mom $200 cash $145 in flowers my sisters x2 $100 cash and also the same in flowers and i think of all the dope i could have bought but in the time it would take me to use that dope i probably would not smile. But seeing them smile and know im alright is better than any of the things i could have done on the dope. I haven't had a cry about it yet but its coming. As i celebrate another 30 days clean and keep getting stronger everyday.
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Post by majestyjo on May 9, 2020 12:45:43 GMT -5
Congratulations. Many more one day at a time.
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Post by joeykins on May 16, 2020 17:37:08 GMT -5
How is everyone managing this Pandemic ? I'm Joe and I'm a crystal meth addict, I've been struggling alot lately just mind stuck in my head about past trauma . I think it was triggered recently by a guy i work with has some of the same personality traits as an ex i had who was very abusive, that I'm gonna do what i want when i want and noone will stop me kinda attitude, anyways a passive threat was made to me "how about i put a blade to your neck which stemmed from me saying his attitude might be a result of his excessive drinking and could be wet brain which really upset him. Long and short is he stormed off the job site saying it's not worth him going to jail. This happened on thursday. It has triggered my anxiety and feeling like I'm guilty of something like someone is out to get me, that paranoia like threat is imminent feeling I would get when my ex did not get his way and the nervous buildup of knowing a beating or belittlement was on the way. I've been struggling with using ideations knowing full well I cant just use a little knowing where that road leads.... I'm finding myself more and more aware of my feelings and what is going on and can usually manage and give myself a pep talk and control the anxiety and fear knowing that I'm safe and have the upper hand cause I am of clear mind and not high the fear of not being in control is just a figment of my thinking. anyways sorry for not posting something sooner as i've been busy with work and life and just trying to stay clean for today. thanks for stopping by love you all and big hugs ox
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Post by majestyjo on Oct 19, 2020 1:29:19 GMT -5
just for today, i choose not to use.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.