Post by SunnyGirl on Dec 10, 2003 0:43:30 GMT -5
The Christmas Diet Song
'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just
settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the
pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the
icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look
of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my
body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a
marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That
huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a
econd that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I
closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker,
on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher
dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now
dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in
Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes
were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook
when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a
word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy
then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick
nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to
the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin
by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the light
in the morning I'll starve . . . 'til I take that first bite.
-unknown
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.