Letterman's Top Ten Xmas Lists

[SunnyGirl]

Top 10 Worst Holiday Songs

• "I Saw Mommy Marry Larry King"
  
  
• "Boris the Red-Nosed Yeltsin Had an 86-Proof Nose"
  
  
• "Im Searching For the Real Killers With Every Round of Golf I Play"
  
  
• "Oh, Hillary, Oh, Hillary, You're Going to Jail for One-to-Three"
  
  
• "Influenza, Influenza, Influenza, Influenza"
  
  
• "O Little Network CBS How Still We See Thee Lie"
  
  
• "Frosty the Crackhead Had a Crack Pipe Full of Crack"
  
  
• "I Have an Irregular Heartbeat Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum"
  
  
• "O.J. Is Free Although He's Prob'ly Guilty"
  
  
• "Good King Clinton Dropped His Pants in a Cheap Hotel Room"

[SunnyGirl]

Top 10 Signs You're Sick of the Holidays[/list]
[/li][li]You've got red and green bags under your eyes

[/li][li]You're serving reindeer pot pie

[/li][li]When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?,"
you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"

[/li][li]You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers
in the A$$s with your BB gun

[/li][li]You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.

[/li][li]Instead of spending time with family, you're watching
some guy make photo copies

[/li][li]You're busted for running through town wearing
nothing but mistletoe.

[/li][li]You've got eggnog coming out of your ears

[/li][li]Your standard response, "And happy holidays to
you too, you jerk"

[/li][li]Two words: tinsel rash [/list][/b]

[SunnyGirl]

Top 10 Signs of Trouble in Santa Claus's Marriage

• He's replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish
  exchange students
  
  
• Mrs. Claus calls him "that fat freak in the red
  underwear"
  
  
• He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed
  
  
• He's been spending a little too much time with the
  life-sized Holiday Barbie
  
  
• His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve
  
  
• Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with
  accountant from New Jersey
  
  
• He knows when she's been sleeping, he knows
  when she's awake, because he's bugged the bedroom
  
  
• Lately, she keeps "forgetting" to tie her robe when
  she brings the elves their morning coffee
  
  
• Stockings aren't the only things he's been nailing
  in front of the fireplace
  
  
• Not a creature is stirring in Santa's pants