Santa Claus is not a woman!

[SunnyGirl]

Santa Claus is not a woman!

Here's why:

• First, Christmas would be late every year. The line
  at the department store would never move because
  Santa would feel the need to 'bond' with every kid that
  sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys
  made because they'd be too busy telling her, "No Santa,
  those red pants do NOT make your butt look fat."
  
  
• Soot from the chimney is a female irritant
  
  
• Women don't know how to change the lightbulb
  in Rudolph's nose
  
  
• Most women surveyed said they prefer little or no
  facial hair
  
  
• Elves are not personal servants
  
  
• Nice girls don't walk around saying 'Ho'
  
  
• Mrs. Claus is not a lesbian.
  
  
• The sleigh and the reindeer are not equipped
  with an automatic transmission, a cell phone or
  vanity mirrors.
  
  
• If Santa was female, she wouldn't have white
  hair, she'd be the North Pole poster child for 'Clairol
  Brunette # whatever'.
  
  
• Santa Chick would only bring junk like 'Easy Bake'
  ovens, Baby 'Pukes 'n Craps', and worst of all -
  CLOTHES - to all the little kids in the world because
  they're far less threatening than really cool toys like
  'Johnny Thermo-nuclear Warhead' or 'Rock-em Sock-em
  Robots' or 'GI Joe Talking Adventure Team Commander
  with Kung Fu Grip'.
  
  
• When you leave a plate of cookies out on the kitchen
  table on Christmas Eve, Santa samples each one to
  prove he was there. If Santa was a woman, the whole
  d**n cookie jar would be missing and and there'd be a
  sea of empty Ben & Jerry's containers all over the
  kitchen floor.
  
  
• As far as that red velvet suit is concerned, Mrs Claus
  withheld sex until Santa agreed to wear it.
  
  
• If all that doesn't prove without a doubt that Santa
  is a guy, consider this verse from the poem: T'was The
  Night Before Christmas:
  
  "He spoke not a word but went straight to his
  work..."
  
  If Santa was female, that line would have read:
  
  "She never shut up, so Christmas was cancelled..."

Yep, Santa's a guy alright,
as are most mythical holiday characters........

(with the exception of the Easter Bunny,
thanks to Hugh Heffner).